Do You Have Any Fruity Jokes?

[Spoonboy]

No! This is not a quest for unprintable and/or blue jokes, this one involves fruit. Do you have any jokes that include a fruit; probably not very PC but like...

Q: What is yellow and dangerous? A. A banana with a flick knife.

Have fun, and play on. Thanks in advance.

[jno]

Uma Thurman's one about the baby tomato lagging behind and his mum saying "Ketchup!"

[Spoonboy]

There is only one reply for that: it may be old, but here goes...

...giggle, giggle, giggle.

[cupid04]

q] what's green and hairy and goes up and down?

A] A gooseberry in a lift!

[maggiebee]

Man walks past a fruit stall at the market when the table holding the oranges collapses. 'ja fa' he says (read in Scottish accent)

[cupid04]

Q] what's black and yellow and dangerous?


A] Shark infested custard!

[Spoonboy]

Cupid04: I know that one too, and chose not to add it. I am glad I am not the only one who knows them all.

Maggiebee: Funny. In any accent. I also know a knock knock joke involving an apple and orange!!

[magicmick]

These jokes aren't berry nice :-)

[888]

She had raspberry jelly in one ear and banana custard in the other, no wonder she was a trifle deaf.

[Spoonboy]

888: I must admit, I've not heard that one. No pun intended.

But, I disagree with magicmick. They are all berry, berry good.

Here goes for that double fruit joke, to play on your family and friends...

Knock, knock? Who's there? Apple. Apple who?.
Knock, knock? Who's there? Apple. Apple who?
Knock, knock? Who's there? Apple. Apple who?
Knock, knock? Who's there? Apple. Apple who?
Knock, knock? Who's there? Apple. Apple who?
Knock, knock? Who's there? Orange. Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say apple.

[cupid04]

Are vegetable jokes permitted?

Q] What do you call two rows of vegetables?

A] A dual cabbage way.

Q] What's small and round and giggles a lot?

A] A tickled onion.

Q] What is a vampire's favourite fruit?

A] a nectarine!

[Jemisa]

Can't think of a Fruit one righd now here's a Veg one...
Two carrots were walking down the road, when a huge Lorry slammed into one of them.
An ambulance rushed the little fellow off to hospital where he immediately went into surgery.
Finally the doctor emerged and approached the other carrot who had been anxiously awaiting news.
"Tell me Doctor, how is he?"
The doctor replied, "I've got some good news and some bad news.
The good news is he's going to live.
The bad news is we're pretty sure he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.t now. ..

[magicmick]

Sorry spoonboy I don't find them very appealing :-)

[cupid04]

Q] what do you call a fast fungus?

A] A mush vroom.

Q] What's smell, red and whispers?

A] A hoarse radish!

Q] Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory?

A] He couldn't concentrate!

Q] Why did the jelly wobble?

A] Because it saw the apple turnover.

[magicmick]

Question What kind of key do you use to open a banana?
Answer a monkey

[Spoonboy]

Magicmick: I see you have found one. And veg will do, for sure everyone. I should perhaps have extended it to all foods. So far there are many I want to give BA to; perhaps there is a way to give you all best answer.

[excelsior-1]

i am sure that i saw two jokes (or a PEAR of jokes) about fruit somewhere

[maggiebee]

Q) Why aren't bananas ever lonely?
A) Because they come in bunches!

Q) What do you get when you cross a potato with an onion?
A) A potato with watery eyes!

Q) How does a ghost eat an apple?
A) By goblin it!

Q) What do two bananas do when they meet each other?
A) A banana shake!

Q) What is King Kong's favorite food?
A) Ape-ricots!

Q) When is an apple a grouch?
A) When it's a crab apple

Q) What do you call an apple that plays the trumpet?
A) A tooty fruity!

[Georgiesmum]

What fruit teases you a lot?
A ba na na na na na

[RATTER15]

How would an elephant hide away?

He paints his toe nails read and hides in the cherry tree!