Relationship Problem......

[fiona88]

I am 25 years of age. my boyfriend is 48. There's just a few things that are annoying me. I go on my phone, talk to my best friend every day, he doesn't like me being on my phone all the time. thinks i am talking to another guy or something! he is so paranoid. so i try to avoid been on my phone through the day so it doesn't cause arguments, which one night, we were at his daughters, and i was texting my best friend, he had a bit to drink and was REALLY annoyed that i had been on my phone so he grabbed my phone out my hand and literally launched across the room, picked up the phone, took the sim card out and chewed it! (very odd i know)
he is a very very very jealous person, people keep saying to me its because of the age gap..... i'm not too sure. i have no job at the moment, but look for work EVERY SINGLE DAY,do all the house work, he works and gets up on a morning at 6am. he expects me to get up with him at that time and if i don't, he gets REALLY FUNNY! we have argued about it and i have said look, there's no need for me to be up so early. i get up no later than half 8 and im looking for work hours and hours a day. I feel better in myself when i wear make up, it makes me feel better about myself, he shouts cos i wear make up. last night he was going on and on about it(after drink!) with his daughter. i sometimes feel mentally drained and cannot carry on with his jealousy etc. .... but i love him. any one have any advice ???? heeeeelp!!!!!

[askyourgran]

You are still young fiona and you should be with people your own age, he is almost twice your age and he won't improve in health or temper. Best get out now and find a man with less baggage.

[pusskin]

have to agree with you AYG!
Fiona, you deserve to be happy, with none of these complications in your life.

[saxy_jag]

I know a fair few women with older partners and with partners who've gone through hell in the past. It does not cause said partners to become violent, controlling or drunk. You may want to ask yourself why his ex was so cruel him and who it is that says she was.

I have a relative (now in her 70s) who married a man like this. She went through 30 years of misery before she decided to quit. Her eldest son, one of the gentlest people I know, witnessed much of the guy's treatment of her and indeed came in for some of it himself. He now has serious mental health issues. His younger brother seems to be modelling himself in their father's mould, has managed to alienate his adult kids because of his behaviour and now finds himself single again (and drunk) because his wife has had enough.

I would also point out that the relative also loved her partner very much. Why not? He was handsome, intelligent and perfectly-mannered to everyone outside their marriage and she travelled half-way round the world to be with him. It wasn't until she finally got out of the relationship that she was able to analyse her love for him and conclude that it was not love but fear. Fear of displeasing him and fear of a life without him.

[boxtops]

well said, saxy - I suspect many of us can recognise that sort of situation.