Altzheimer Advice Please

[Graham-W]

My mother in law was diagnosed with early stages Altzheimers about 18 months ago. She has been prescribed Arocept and has been doing very well. She lives on her own and has carers coming in three times a day in addition to family visits 2-3 times a week.
Her husband died 6 months ago (he was in a nursing home) and since then she is convinced she has two houses. The one she lives in and another, identical house that she visits occasionally. A couple of weeks ago she "gained" another house and yesterday informed us she now has four houses.
Should we discuss this with her and try to convince her that she only has one house or just change the subject when she makes these statements.
I'm worried that she may decide to take a trip to one of the other houses in the middle of the night (she has made no attempt yet) and be left wandering the streets.

[pixie373]

It depends how fixed on the idea she is. If you'll think she'll believe you. I would just tell her "this is the home you have now." But if she seems distressed or doesn't believe you, don't push it with her.

[Graham-W]

She's convinced about it. She looks at my wife and says (in a forceful voice), "You know! You took me there yesterday!" when she hasn't even been out of the house for a week.
It's very distressing for us and for my MiL.

[naomi24]

I doubt very much that you'll convince her otherwise - and if you do it will only be momentarily. It's likely she'll forget what you've said in minutes.

[Rosetta]

agree with Pixie. You could reasure her, but she could forget the info that she only has one home. Could you use family photos placed around the house as prompts that she is in her own home, or use ornaments that she has had years and years (she will probably forget newer items)
Does she have a CPN or Consultant, you could discuss your worries with them. Does she need her medication reviewed?

[pixie373]

Yes, I'm sure it is very difficult. I wouldn't try to persuade her otherwise. If she believes it, she might end up being suspicious of what you say and she needs to trust you. There is often some logic in a conversation with someone with dementia. It is quite common to use the wrong words. Can you think of anywhere else she might be referring to? Where did your wife last/usually take her?

[nungate]

It is very distressing, we have much the same problems with my mother who was diagnosed several years ago, she was in denial at first and refused her meds consequently things worsened quite quickly. You have to keep gently reinforcing the idea that she is now living in the one house - mine keeps thinking that my house is hers - when we saw her today she thought that we were in my house (we were at hers) Is it possible for someone to stay overnight with her so she can't go out? Though it's possible that it might be some time before she starts the late night wandering. Quite a few of us here on AB have experience with Alzheimers, and I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will pop up here sometime. Sunny Dave and DTCwordfan are two that spring to mind. DT has given me lots of practical advice.

[naomi24]

If you think she's likely to become a danger to herself, speak to her doctors - and to the Alzheimer's Society. They offer good advice and a lot of support.

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/

[Graham-W]

The first "extra" house I can understand. When her husband died she had to sign the forms to get her house changed from joint names with her husband into her name only at the Land Registry. I believe that's where the second house came from. It's just the escalation. I know I shouldn't joke but if it were Monopoly she could get rid of the houses and build a hotel.
I think the advice to re-assure her about where she lives now and then change the subject is probably the best way to go.
Thanks.

[ubasses]

How many houses has she lived in over the years? My mother kept getting mixed up between my greatgrandmothers, grandmothers and her own house. Since she has been in the care home she only remembers the first. She rang once and told my husband that she was ready for me to pick her up and take her home and would not believe him when he told her that was where she was.

[Rosetta]

The second house bit might be about the nursing home her husband was in, they lived together presumably for a lot of years so logic might suggest she lived there with him too. Its worth talking to her doctor to let them know ot the change

[Graham-W]

So many replies whilst I'm typing.
All four houses are identical but if you ask on the phone what she can see, she can see the TV ..... but it's not her TV! She can see the kitchen..........but it's not her kitchen.
She's actually very surprised that we've got the telephone number for all four houses.
She has an appointment with her specialist in early September and we'll discuss it with him then, when she is out of the room.
Thanks again.

[EDDIE51]

You can't rule out her going wandering I used to work in a care home and we had a lady with similar problems ,
She had Altzheimers and at least twice managed to get out and go to look for her 'home'. Both times we found her quickly and got her back without incident but it could have been worse . Difficult one to advise on, in the care home we had coded locks on the doors , she still managed to get out. Both times it was in the evening when the staff were tied up dealing with another resident who was ill. There were only 2 staff for 18 residents in the evening.
I know this is not much help but I just wanted to say that she could decide to go 'on a visit' and you need a plan in place if she does.

[Rosetta]

Is it possible to bring the appointment forward?

[EDDIE51]

Are there any neighbours who could be asked to keep a look out and phone you if they see her going out ? People are pretty good if you explain the reason .

[Graham-W]

We are taking her to two hospital appointments this week. One for a suspected hernia and another re. her badly swollen legs so we will be staying with her for a few days. We'll see how she is then.
BTW We live in N. Yorkshire and she lives in Nottingham. We try to see her at least once a week but it's not always possible. She has another daughter who lives closer and sees her every week but she's on holiday in Germany at the moment.

[Graham-W]

Eddie51.
She has a very good neighbour across the road who keeps an eye on her and calls to see her every afternoon. She rings us if she feels anything untoward is happening. MiL accuses her of being a "busybody" who's poking her nose into her business.

[Graham-W]

Thanks for all the advice. I must go now but will look in again in the morning.
Thanks.

[EDDIE51]

That good neighbour is a godsend in this situation . Thank her very much and ask her to keep up the good work.

[naomi24]

Graham, you can explain, but people with Altzheimers rarely retain what you’ve said. I’ll give you an example. My relatives moved house after the husband was diagnosed with Altzheimers. He never understood that he had a new home, and worse still, he no longer recognised his wife because he thought she was still at the house they’d left and that the ‘lady’ in the new house had stolen all the ornaments and pictures (which he recognised) from the old house. He would go around collecting everything into a bag because they didn’t belong to the ‘lady’, and this former gentle man became quite dangerously aggressive towards her. He wouldn’t get into bed at night because this woman wasn’t his wife, and several times he went walkabout trying to find her, on one occasion disappearing for 18 hours. I would arrive at their house and he would be in tears begging me to help him find her. There was no alternative but to move him to a secure residential home – and he never recognised his wife again. He always thought she was still in the old house. Heart-breaking – and so hard for those of us who cared for him – and for her. I feel so sorry for you. I hope you find a solution.