Am I Right To Be Annoyed And Upset...?

[Baby_Sham]

This has happened so many times now, and each time I have debating asking for opinions on here, but I am literally seething right now....!

My parents never ever EVER babysit my children. I hardly ever ask them, as I know what the outcome will be, but I have two other sisters with children and it doesn't seem to be a problem for them.
As I said, I hardly ever ask, but I asked a couple of months ago when I was absolutely desperate and they said "yes, no problem" (as always) and then called up on the morning they were supposed to have them and said they were "too tired" - again, as always.
I don't ask much of them, they've never helped me out when I needed them and I've always had to rely on friends or my husband.
I do quite a lot for them, things that may sound petty but still equate to me being the one they rely on when they need help with something. Some examples:
My Mum is a complete computer-phobe and recently wanted some stuff put onto Ebay. She phoned me up late at night and said she needed it doing "that night" and could I do it. I don't like to say no so was up until the early hours doing it for her.
Another time, just recently, she called me and said she needed some stuff printing "desperately". I said I was on my way out to an appointment (a really important appointment) but she said she needed it printing within the hour or she would lose out on something. She then just came round and I spent the next two hours sorting it out for her, and ended up missing my appointment - which she didn't seem to give two hoots about.
She has been moaning for the past few months that my Dad won't take her anywhere she needs to go (she doesn't drive) and she desperately needed to get some stuff for her holiday. I felt really bad for her so found a coach trip that went to the place she wanted to go, checked with her first and then booked two seats. I haven't got much money and said her "do you definitely want to go?" and she said "yes that would be really nice, thankyou", so I booked it. The day before we were due to go she sent me a text to say she couldn't come as she was having injections for her holiday and had forgotten about it. I said I wouldn't be able to get a refund, and would lose the money, but she just said "sorry, but I forgot". A few days later I couldn't get hold of her, so rang my Dad, and he said she "had gone shopping with my older sister"... to the place I'd booked the trip to! This may sound daft, but I was really upset.

I've had quite a lot going on recently and I just feel really alone.
Today is an important date for me, for whatever reason, and I have asked if they would be able to have my kids for a few hours tonight. My Mum has text to say she can't as she is really tired, behind on her holiday packing and has "been up all night being sick" - although my Dad seems to know nothing about this so I think it's just an excuse.
I was supposed to be doing a family bbq tomorrow but I've said to her I will postpone it until she comes back from holiday as if she's sick them that'll be the last thing she feels like. She's just text me to say "no, I'll be fine by tomorrow and I really need you to print out some tickets for me".

I've also just found out they are having my sisters FOUR kids during the half term for TWO weeks. I asked my Dad if he was mad (the kids are totally out of control) and he said "I couldn't say no, I felt sorry for her"..!!!

Is it just me, or would the majority of people feel pretty pissed off by this?

[emmie]

tell them no sorry, give the excuse that you have no printer, it's already been said. out of ink, no money for new ones, or it's just not working, they are taking the piss.

[emmie]

get some fresh air, and don't answer the phone, tx... or persistent anything..

[EcclesCake]

Your parents might not understand mental health issues.

If you've come out of hospital saying yeah everything is fine, I'm off doing this at the weekend, can you baby sit they may assume all is OK.

For not understanding they may be choosing to bury their heads in the sand because they don't know how to cope.

Try reaching out to them for emotional support and withdraw from giving them the technical support.

[joko]

i agree - your printer has just developed a sudden fault...

i would also just start doing it back - no more hosting etc - always have a sudden migraine or appointment you cant miss etc

are your sisters drama queens? could it be that if they say no to them, they get an earful and never hear the end of it? whereas you just accept it?
could they just say yes for an easy life?

or go on ebay and buy her a cheap printer for £10 so you no longer have the issue with that

[Sparkles62]

Later on today txt everybody, really sorry will have to cancel barbie, I'm not well.
Txt Mum the same, add, there must be a bug going around, I've got the same as you now, If ******** can't do your printing for you, I will sort it out later in the week when I'm better. then turn your phones off, lay back, (after all you are ill ) and have a nice lazy day tomorrow. X
Lesson 1 in saying no. X X

[flump1]

Same as earlier advice Baby Sham, tell your mother NO! If you need to rely on a few fibs to get through this stage so be it. There are givers and takers, and there are fair people . Your parents are takers, they are taking liberties and the pi$$. Good luck telling them, No more x

[Connemmara]

Hi Baby-Sham although I am the youngest of the family - was always expected to act like the eldest ie take on ALL the responsibility, monetarily, caring for the sick the lot (even my eldest brother once said to me while under the influence) you know Conne you are really our big sister. Couldn't believe I heard that -and one day I cracked up and said NO - family nearly sh t themselves but now they realise I don't say YES all the time. You need to stand up for yourself.

[zebo]

Take the battery out of your phone, tell her later you didn't get the text but if you do as she wants she's winning again. You have to want to stop this, telling us can make you feel better but you have to tell them you're unavailable for the foreseeable future to be their dogsbody. I can let you have a really duff printer!

[creamegg]

I would just tell them how i feel and have it out. But then im that type of person

[boxtops]

It seems to me that a) you've been too obliging in the past, so she's taking you for granted, and b) it's all one-way traffic. You are handy because you live nearby. Enough is enough - you have to stand firm and start to say no, you missed your own appointments because of doing things on eBay - how very selfish of your mother, nothing's that urgent. You need to start to assert yourself - we're here to give you a leg up if you need it. Delete her texts, and as others say, let your print "run out of ink" (or die of overuse with her stuff). Just start to say you can't, you've got your own things happening, you can't be at her beck and call.

[anneasquith]

sometimes it is very liberating to say NO. concentrate on you and your family , is your husband supportive ? good luck.

[FoxLee2]

In your situation, I would be fuming. On the first occasion of being let down at the last minute, I'd be upset but accept it. When it happened a second time, with the same flimsy excuse, that would be it for me. I would not be at that person's beck and call. As has already been said, it would be a 'sorry, the printer's not working'. And every following time a favour was requested, I'd have an excuse not to oblige. You don't have to have 'doormat' written across your forehead.

Do you want to do the BBQ tomorrow? How about texting everyone tomorrow that you're tired and need to cancel. Likewise do you want to do Christmas every year and host every family birthday celebration? How about you, your husband and children going out to a hotel or suchlike for Christmas dinner this year. And when it comes to other celebrations, keep shtum. If someone asks about the date of the next family birthday, be 'too tired' to do the hosting. You have to stick up for yourself or continue to be treated like this by your family.

[DaisyNonna]

You are right to be upset.
Next time you are asked to do something just say no.
No need to explain.

[pixie373]

I agree with the others. It sounds like favouritism and sounds unfair to me. I think you have two choices- first, sit down with your parents and maybe sisters and tell them exactly how you feel and see what happens next. Secondly, be less available to give favours as you're tired/ looking after your children, etc.

[bednobs]

when i starrted reading this post i though you had a cheek expecting them to babysit, but reading further on i got angrier and angrier on you behalf. Just say no.

[Ric.ror]

Baby - now might be the time to mention you are NOT cooking Christmas dinner this year
They can't moan then you have not given them enough time
If I lived near you I'd babysit for you

[Baby_Sham]

Thanks for the further responses and advice. It's very kind of you all :)

My Mum left this morning (is staying in London prior to her flight) and I've had no contact with them over the weekend.
I cancelled the BBQ and said I wasn't feeling very well. My sister replied and said he was "very disappointed" and my Dad tried to call me 11 times yesterday, although I decided to just put my phone on silent and not answer.
I eventually phoned him and he had a right go at me, saying he couldn't believe I'd let my Mum rush around yesterday trying to find somewhere to print her holiday confirmation tickets/info!!
I ended up just hanging up and then crying. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's not been a very good day :-(

[Rosetta]

You did the right thing, your family have taken advantage of your good nature for a long time. The first time of saying no was always going to be tough but it will get easier when they get used to doing things for themselves rather than dumping it on you. Stay strong as family may well complain at you to start with but this is the start of a new assertive you.

[pixie373]

Yes, exactly. You have more than done your share- someone else's turn now.

[emmie]

if my mum that to me i would have banged the damn phone down, what a bloody cheek, why do they take you so much for granted, time to stand and be counted.