Childhood

[Robinia]

Was your childhood a happy, carefree time?  If not, do you think that it has affected the way you are now?
I'm just curious & this probably should be in Chatterbank but it will be off the page in about 10 mins.

[Robinia]

* should have said ...it would be off the page in about 10 mins.

[pixi]

Hi Robinia my mum was very controlling (sp?) probably verging on OCD, everything had to be done a certain way, cleaning, mealtimes, rules of the house etc.  As a result I now have certain ways of doing stuff,eg I clean the house in exactly the same order every time, I check lights and taps are off and doors are locked about 5 times before I go out.  Although this hasnt taken over my life like it did my mum, I find it extremely annoying not to mention stupid but cannot for the life of me do it any other way. 

[nicola_red]

I spent a fair bit of time going to doctors and hospitals and having operations which I take in my stride now but all seemed very serious when I was a kid.  I also wore built up shoes which I hated and I had the rise taken out of me at school and got called "cripple" which I pretended to laugh off but secretly hurt.  None of that is anything compared to kids who were abused, and I had a loving if sometimes skint family home, but nevertheless it wasn't an easy time for me.  I think I was most happy and carefree when I was aged 16-18, at college but without many real adult responsibilities, and between bouts of surgery.

[Scarlett]

I do think my childhood was happy and carefree, but looking back, my very violent Dad completely spoilt it. He used to get ridiculously angry over the slightest thing, and hit us very hard, often repeatedly, from the age of about 4 to 16. My Mum wouldn't stop him but would just shriek "Not her head!!" I can't believe it now, and I get very emotional thinking about it. I have pushed it to the back of my mind, but I totally think it is responsible for the fact that both my sisters are with abusive and controlling men, and I am a spinster!

[libertie]

I think that both my brother and I had a great childhood, my parents were both quite strict but very fair and although we did'nt always get everything we always wanted we always had everything we needed. I can't remember ever feeling unwanted or unloved even when I was being punished for something! When I became a parent I did my best to ensure that my sons also felt happy and secure as I really do believe that your childhood should be a very special time, hope this does'nt sound smug as it certainly has'nt been all plain sailing ~ but the water has been smooth more often than its been rough!

[codie n]

I had a normal childhood compared to most , Me and my mam are best friends , We never had much money infact we were quite poor but we all knew we were and still are loved,But what gets me is that my sister and i had the same upbringing but she just remembers the bad times and blames my parents for everything that went wrong with her childhood whereas i remember some of the bad times but mostly the good times,Is it fair to blame parents for everything that goes wrong in your childhood?Or take some responsibilty for your own childhood,Like i say i remember the good she remembers the bad how come when we were all treated the same.

[lee_lee]

I had a pretty bad childhood, I was shipped back and forth to my mum and da and had to put up wiv my mum calling my dad and vice versa.  I was glad to get my own place and make my own choices.

[Robinia]

Thanks girls! Everyone has an interesting story, if sometimes a bit sad, dont they?

pixi that's just how it was for me too (I could write a book!) but I have to say I have finally torn myself away from many of the routine obsessions.  I seem to remember always having something to worry about as a child, my mum usually seemed to see a dark ending to situations & I was often waiting for the worst to happen. That's something I really struggle with now.

nicola well done for coping with all that - no one would taunt you now you look great!

Scarlett it must have been so difficult - I didn't want to drag anyone's painful memories to the surface but  I'm sure any kind of abuse, mental or physical, is going to have some kind of effect later in life.  I know I have a confidence problem, despite appearing to some as the opposite.  I've been married once & have 2 great sons who seem amazingly well balanced but have a barmy sense of humour... but that's ok we like barmy humour don't we?!

[Robinia]

Oh crikey - 3 more of you popped in while I was faffing about with my reply (I don't type very fast!) Thanks to you too. 

codie you make a good point about how you view your past & I don't see everything the same as my sister.  But I tell her it's because I was older & more sensible & I've got a better memory!!

[Robinia]

libertie you don't sound smug at all - it's good to read a happy story!

[libertie]

Thanks Robinia can I just add that despite all our different upbringings and backgrounds everyone on here seems to be happy, well balanced and caring, most posts that appear on AB are helpful and sincere and there is always a generous sprinkling of humour!

[doreen steel]

hi everybody doreen here your note got me thinking (bad sign that) my mum and dad were great  we were loved and taken care of had holidays and generally a DECENT LIFE WAS HAD BY ALL EXCEPT WHEN I REAOLLY OPEN UP THE FOGGY BRAIN I REMEMBER  parts of it werent htat good the sexual abuse wasnt too hot but it stopped i grew up put it to the back of my mind shut the door on it but i sometimes wonder if that has anything to do with the three failed long term relationships or was it just bad choices but i did get four beautiful sons who mean the world to me and funnily enough they also think their mothers a bit loopy but in a nice way i think you just have to try and be the best you can nobody expects perfection so why worry keep smiling

[nicola_red]

Your answer disturbed me a bit doreen, how can you say "why worry keep smiling" about something like child sexual abuse?  Have you worked through your issues resulting from your experiences in therapy, I wonder?  Don't mean to sound patronising, I'm genuinely concerned.

[WoWo]

I think some people deal with things in different ways. At the time my childhood seemed OK but looking back it wasn't so great. I wouldn't say my father was an abuser but he would shout at us and hit us. But I'm the sort of person who always sees the positive side of things I don't get down or depressed about things, some people may have been damaged long term by the treatment we got as kids but it doesn't seem to have effected me in a negative way.

[d0gsb0dy]

I had a very mixed upbringing. My mother was a lovely woman, and a loving, caring parent. My dad was OK when he was in a good mood, otherwise he could be a complete tyrant. How Mum stuck by him all those years, I'll never know. He broke her arm, gave her black eyes and generally made her life hell. He often laid into me and my two sisters for the slightest peccadillo.The effect of my dad's behaviour has been that until quite recently, I have been unable to assert myself and this has meant I have been working on minimums all my life. I just couldn't handle aggressive situations. The good side is that I was determined that my children should never be the victims of the sort of treatment I received. They have grown into well-adjusted adults.

[Robinia]

Thanks to everyone for your input.

It seems that many people have hidden stories of trauma & unhappiness & I hate to think that there are unhappy children out there at this moment. As you say WoWo it's not always obvious at the time that things shouldn't be that way. 

Wishing everyone a happy future!

[Bottom]

I had a very good childhood, happy and carefree my parents was not to strict but not push overs, When I was 17 my parents split up, and ever since me and my sister feel like the parents, but because of having a good solid child hood helped us make the right desions. 

[Robinia]

Thanks Bottom - it's good to have another positive reply!