Any Pointers?

[sherrardk]

Boy #1 is in year 9 and for some time has been reluctant to go to school. Things came to a head about 6 weeks ago when he came in and told me he had been in a fight (other boy had been on his case for a while). He stood his ground but luckily an older boy broke the fight up. School investigated and both parties agreed to keep out of the other's way. Other boy is trouble (subtly informed by school at parents evening and through my own asking of people in the village). Today the other boy started on my son again, couple of tries at goading him into a fight - pushing, shoving, etc. My son asked him what his problem was but got no response. One incident was witnessed by teachers and is being investigated. I have emailed his form tutor but I know things take ages to investigate and meanwhile my son has to wait for the bus, endure the 10 mile bus ride and spend the day around this other boy. What else can I do? (He is my eldest so I haven't been through this before, I know what I would like to do but I suspect it would be 'frowned upon'.) PS - he is a clever, nearly geeky kid but can stand up for himself if really provoked. If he was a little Sugar I would say so and seek appropriate advice. Thanks for any thoughts.

[pixie373]

Is this the reason he hasn't wanted to go in for a while? It is really difficult, but i can only suggest you keep in very close contact with the school and they resolve it. Are you able to go in yourself and speak to them?
...and i know what you would like to do...understandable. But don't x

[sherrardk]

Yes, this is the reason. After the last fight he was really buoyed up and went to school in a good mood. The ex-teacher bit of me wants to have a word with the boy (apparently the mother says she will will sort situations out but doesn't - it's a small village, everyone knows everyone else's business). It's a good school and I don't doubt that they will sort it out but I know how hard it is for kids who are in this sort of situation, to them it seems to take forever. It must be so hard being a teenager these days (boy #1 is putting a brave face on and I just feel so sorry for him), bizarrely I also feel bad for the other boy, x.

[pixie373]

I expect it's upsetting for everyone. I think i would go directly to the school first and speak to them face-to-face. Do you know what started it all off? The other option, which might or might not work, is to take the two boys out together- with or without the other mum. See if they can get on.

[sherrardk]

I don't know what started it off, neither does my son. Think the worst bit for my boy is the bus stop/journey. Think the trip out is a non-starter (my boy would die of embarrassment if I suggested it but I understand where you are coming from). Will just have to wait for the school to get back to me I suppose. It's all a bit of a worry though (he's not particularly street-wise really), x

[pixie373]

Bless him. Hopefully he has friends to distract him until it's sorted. In my experience, the schools seem very good at dealing with these problems. The good thing is he's telling you, so you can keep an eye on it xx

[sherrardk]

Thanks Pixie, himself's idea is to equip the boy with 'fighting techniques' (bloody men!), x

[CokeTulip]

This is unlikely to be of help S. but a very similar thing was hapening years ago in a school where it was a friend's daughter who didn't want to go to school...afraid of another girl who was at her all the time (which was really difficult for the mum and awkward as in a small place too). Then couldn't get her daughter to go to school.
Anyway the school head was very creative and spoke to the girl -very cleverly offered to provide 2 body guards for her - the mum thought it was a great solution if amusing (2 older girls were given a mission by the head - just asked to watch out for her for a while and stick around her - it was a complete success as they felt like the chosen ones!). The Head decided not to mention anything to the girl causing the problem or her parents nor did she tell the 2 girls anything about who was causing problems - it did the trick though and a bit of moral support made a huge difference. I hope it gets sorted quickly for your son - sounds like the school is aware. Some boys can be more physical than others and push and shove and they seem to communicate like this sometimes because thats all they know. I'm sure it will be fine Sherrardk. Good luck with it.

[atalanta]

Send your boy to Karate or Judo classes. As soon as the bully finds out, he will stop. I have known this to work in a number of cases.