I Can't Talk To My Partner

[supersme]

i find it so hard to talk to my parter in anticipation of him responding in defence and retaliation. i am upset every day now as my partner doesn't talk to me generally only when he has to and in front of our children, i had the courage to text him that it wasn't acceptable to ignore me, how he doesn't show his love to me, i haven't had a cuddle for years, i feel discussed with myself for allowing this really as we have 2 young school age children and think he is just with me for the children. but i need love and someone to care about me, i have so much to give but he just doesn't seem interested so i struggle to now show anything to him. it is just saddening that he thinks this must be ok and if he doesn't want me why doesn't he say. i don't have any money and worry that my children wont have what they have now, We are past argueing and just don't speak but i feel crippled and don't sleep well now. i just need love. i don't have anything else from him, why is it so hard for him to be a man about this and be honest with me. its very frustrating and i feel so sad. what shall i do. my children are my life and i will not split up easily as i want them to be happy. i just want to be happy too ....

[jno]

I can see why you've posted this under "cross words" but perhaps you should repost it under Body & Sould (there's also a Relationships subtopic).

[Mamyalynne]

There is one thing for certain in life and that is we cannot make someone love us - his total lack of communication must be terrible for you.

Have you actually asked him if he wants you to stay a couple?

[anneasquith]

sorry but I you need to txt your oh to communicate, id say someone needs to ' pack their bags''

[Sqad]

\\\\\\ i haven't had a cuddle for years, i feel discussed with myself for allowing this really as we have 2 young school age children and think he is just with me for the children. but i need love and someone to care about me, i have so much to give but he just doesn't seem interested so i struggle to now show anything to him.\\\

This is a far commoner situation for both males and females of a relationship, than one would imagine, in my opinion.
You have to decide which is the better, leave him or accept the status quo, which many "together couples" have to endure.

As for the lack of physical contact, you may have to consider taking a lover.

Don't despair, many couples are making the best of a "bad job".....just weigh up the options and then make a decision.

[ummmm]

How long have you been together?

[jakep]

I am sorry for your turmoil but have to tell you something. My parents stayed together 'for the sake of the children'. I am now nearing 60 and will never forgive them for the emotional damage they inflicted which has blighted my life. Try and be strong and get you and your children away.
Also, could he possibly be on the Asperger end of the autism scale?

[Cloverjo]

Life is too short to be this unhappy. Do you have a share of the house? If so, you can sell it and get something.
Even telling him you're thinking along these lines might spark him into being nicer. If not, then go.

[Canary42]

What you have is a very manipulative and selfish husband - get rid of him now.

[atalanta]

He obviously has someone else. He may even be waiting for you to start the showdown, so he can say you broke up the relationship. But there is no relationship any more, is there ? It's dead, but it won't lie down. To give yourself a long view, try imagining how things would be if you spent many more years with him, and were eventually facing retirement together. Your last years of life would be utter bleakness. You realise you'd have to break up before then, so why not now ? You can ask Relate for help, or ask the Citizens advice bureau what benefits you might be entitled to, and what support agencies you can turn to. You must have friends with small children who have got divorced - talk to them and see how they got through it.

[jennyjoan]

Hi Super - I do feel sorry for your situation. I never married myself but have seen many friends go down the slippery rope that you are enduring. One friend stayed with her husband for 10 years - lived in different rooms and different bedrooms etc. They eventually sold the house and went onto live their own lives, however their children were grew up. You probably don't want a big confrontation but it is in front of you. If you are unhappy he is probably very unhappy too and both of you don't know what to do. Good luck whatever you do. xxx JJCon