Negative Friend

[Sarjasunita]

I have had a friend for over 30 years. He lives a very quiet life and chooses not to have any relationship or friends. He does not work and sometimes plays some computer games. On the other hand I have a very busy job and life and lots of friends. When I call him, instead of it being a nice chat about life and what is going on etc. he is always angry and says I have not called for two months or whatever. He says that he sees my activities on Facebook, and that I have time for that but not for him. He says he sees my crafts etc. that I post, and that I have time to do that but not for him. I do not keep track of when I call, I just call when I feel the time is right, but he says that if I cared I would call more. Now I sometimes don't feel like calling because I know I will get that reaction. We don't ever have a nice conversation now because it just ends up with me trying to justify that it doesn't mean I don't care. I don't know what to do about it, I would like some advice.

[ummmm]

They wouldn't be my friend.

[Maydup]

Oh dear he sounds very down and you are taking the brunt of it. Try not to take it too personally and avoid justifying yourself. You are doing a sterling job at keeping in touch at all, many would have left him to it by now.

Ask him to call you next time

[anneasquith]

he appears to be extremely lonely, just keep phoning on a regular basis, and let him moan !!!!!!!!!!!

[Brinjal]

Suggest that he could call you occasionally

[1ozzy]

Sounds to me that your friend is unhappy with his life, maybe jealous of yours.
Is there any way he could be enticed to join the real world?
He seems to have an "internet world", is there some way you could join in and then entice him to meet "real people".
Best of luck.

[black_cat51]

remind him that phones work both ways now.

[Spannerfiend]

Some people are just born anti social, but that doesn't mean that they are odd. I'd just keep extending the hand of friendship, and if he chooses not to take it, that's up to him.

You don't have to justify your lifestyle to him, and he should respect that.

[islasmum]

And you wonder why he hasn't any friends?! Frankly I would give him up as a friend, you've obviously made the effort to stay in touch, but enough's enough.

[Old_Geezer]

In my experience one gets more and more fed up with life and authority and well just about everything as one ages. There’s only so much one can take. Folk can’t always force themselves to ‘pull themselves together’ feel good with the world. But that doesn't mean one should take out a constant bad mood on a friend. I think you ought to say he is being unfair and if he wants to make contact you are on the end of the phone.

It is entirely up to you what you do. You may decide he is a good friend with a lot of unease about life and you'll put up with some of the stuff slung your way as you are a friend in his need. Or you may decide that it has gone beyond the limit that you are prepared to put up with, that you have to think of your own well being and stay away. Ultimately only you can decide your limits and how much you wish to help.

But I re-stress that communication is a two way thing and if he feels neglected and can not understand why you can not spend 24 hours a day with him, then stress he can make the move to contact you.

[Sarjasunita]

Thank you everyoen that is very helpful, I will decide what I am going to do

[tamborine]

He is possessive & controlling with inferiority complex imo. But might have unique endearing character, like my friend who keeps me laughing till it hurts ;)