Don't Know Whether Coming Or Going

[Jilly007]

I met a lovely guy last November, I actually asked him out. We went out numerous occasions and had fun and then all of a sudden he backed off and said there was nothing there! I was pretty devasted but it turns out he still has feelings for his ex wife who left him 7 years ago. Every other week or so he gives in and we end up seeing each other again and he says how much he likes being with me and cares. Just this week we spent the day together for his birthday and had a fantastic day. But yesterday and today he just will not see or communicate with me. This is just so devastating for me and I just do not know what to do? Can anyone please advise?

[gemmabe]

Hi Jilly

This guy obv has issues, I don't think he's the lowest of the low or is meaning to hurt you. But you deserve much, much better. He COULD be using you, and just not want to commit, I know it's horrible to contemplate, but that's how some people get their own way.

Play very cautious. It's hard, but he needs to make his choice and stick to it. If he doesn't - move on x

[Doolallygirl]

My advice would be to give him space.  If it was meant to be then it will be.  I've been with my bloke for a year and a half and things haven't been working out for a while so we are on a break until Sunday.  I realised that I just needed to get my thoughts in order so that I could tell him what I was feeling instead of going home feeling miserable and not communicating.  I know that I can go to him on Sunday now and let him know.

It sounds like you are in constant contact still even though he treats you like this, perhaps if you gave him the opportunity to chase you again then he would rethink how he feels about you?

I know it is much easier said than done honey but if you can, I would just back off a little bit right now. 

[butter1]

Hi Jilly007, I think that this guy would/could cause you more hurt then happiness.  He probably is a nice guy but if he still has issues with his ex wife after 7 years, do you really thinks he is suddenly going to change?  He needs to finally come to terms with his previous partner and move on, but I don't think he is in a position to or more to the point does he want to?  I think for your own sake, you should move on.  I know it's hard, but at the end of the day do you want to keep feeling like this and not knowing where you are in his life or what he wants you to be.  Good luck with what ever you decide. x

[woofgang]

Looks like he needs to sort out his issues before he can move on. Or, to put it another way, lucky old him, he gets to have issues and unrequited love and when he's bored with that there is you!

Whay you need to decide is how much devastation you are prepared to put up with?

[cat woman]

Hi Jilly, This guy just sounds like my brother, his first marriage broke up after just 5 months, nothing he had done, his wife was 19 my brother was 25, she decided that marriage wasn't for her. It really cut my brother deep and for years he played fast and hard, he went  out with some lovely girls, but as soon as anyone of them got too close he'd drop the girl like a hot brick, he is now 53 and still on his own, he has a 19 year old son with a girl he lived with but he wouldn't commit him self  to marriage, and because he blow hot and cold with her she finished the relationship, ( they were together 8 years ) Nobody wants to feel second best and it sounds like this guy is treating you that way, he isn't over his wife and until he deals with it no woman is going to be let in to his life, I would advise you to call it a day, its sounds like you'r flogging a dead horse and he will end up a lonely man, you deserve better than this treatment and there is someone out there who will treat you properly, sadly this guy isn't the one.  I wish you all the very best, and one day you will look back and realise what a waste of time and heartache he had caused you and feel nothing but sympathy for because it was his loss, not yours.  Good luck and best wishes in whatever you decide, and remember you have got your pride.  :-)