Quizzes & Puzzles1 min ago
Allegiance
22 Answers
I keep putting off writing to a friend, a pen friend of many years actually. I am wanting to empathise with her after she told me that her husband had an affair and actually found them in bed together. My husband had an affair and we have stayed together. My friend is now separated. The thing is should I keep quiet about what happened to us as I have an allegiance to my husband don't I and surely it's no one else's business? Or do I tell her my experiences and then she may think we are stupid for staying together? She has never met my husband, she lives abroad and we probably won't see each other anyway though would love to meet her one day. As we are married should I be respectful to my husband by not telling anyone? I know the poor girl was heartbroken and want to empathise with her. What would you do?
Answers
Best Answer
No best answer has yet been selected by cameliaheartfelt. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
camelia.........having been on this type of thread for many years, you get a sense of how the female mind works, which isn't always the same as the male psyche.
It could come over as .."Look how he treated me....I put him in his place.......this is how you deal with the situation.".....and so on.
You seem to have sorted your problem.....leave it at that.
It could come over as .."Look how he treated me....I put him in his place.......this is how you deal with the situation.".....and so on.
You seem to have sorted your problem.....leave it at that.
Be there for your friend, don't discuss your own business as it can sound as though you have gone there before her (which I realise you have, but she won't want to hear that). Sympathise without being judgemental and be there for her if she needs to pour her heart out to someone. Also, don't make any remarks about her husband, they might just get back together sometime in the future and she could remember what you had said about him at this time. Only writing this from having been through the same thing myself.
I would have thought one could emphasis with another without feeling a need to divulge personal private information. Otherwise no one could emphasise with folk unless they had already gone through something similar, and I do not accept that for a moment.
Not only may your partner have issues with it, thus reopening old wounds from your relationship, it is perfectly possible your friend would not necessarily see it as empathy but criticism that she made a wrong decision. Because you are saying how you opted for a different ‘solution’ and see how well that worked out for you.
No; whatever the reason you feel some need to tell your story, I think it unwise to do so. Be supportive not comparative.
Not only may your partner have issues with it, thus reopening old wounds from your relationship, it is perfectly possible your friend would not necessarily see it as empathy but criticism that she made a wrong decision. Because you are saying how you opted for a different ‘solution’ and see how well that worked out for you.
No; whatever the reason you feel some need to tell your story, I think it unwise to do so. Be supportive not comparative.
Semantics here but to empathise surely you have had to have gone through the experience yourself, otherwise it's sympathise.
Do you not divulge your past experience of your husband's affair with anybody in allegiance to him? If not then don't say anything, if you have then maybe your penpal would like to hear about your experience. Sometimes people going through bad stuff feel like they are the only ones in the world who have which adds to their suffering.
Do you not divulge your past experience of your husband's affair with anybody in allegiance to him? If not then don't say anything, if you have then maybe your penpal would like to hear about your experience. Sometimes people going through bad stuff feel like they are the only ones in the world who have which adds to their suffering.
