How Often Do You Have Sex?

[jd_1984]

This is a serious question which is why I havent put it in Chatterbank, which would likely encourage humorous replies!!
But, as a newly married man I am not sure whether we are being intimate frequntly enough. I realise circumstances will play a huge part in marital relationships but we are probably being intimate around 2-4 times a month (not including kissing and that type of affection)
As a younger man, in less serious and more casual relationships, I was going at it a hell of a lot more. But, I question whether we are in a rut, so soon into married life!!!

[jd_1984]

Interestingly though bernie our circumtances have changed one bit! Already lived together, she had a child who is now my step son but he doesnt get in the way of sexual contact as we have never tried whilst he is awake or in any way may walk in onn us, we work around about the same hours as we always have done, no major stress other than the usual. Yes we have married, but day to day its the same! So perhaps as we have been a couple 3 years, its a natural rut we find ourselves in. I dont see the stereotype of getting married being the reason

[berniecuddles]

i understand what your saying jd i'm just giving my honest opinion for what its worth

[ummmm]

Working....housework...childcare....none of its sexy.

[Sqad]

jd....don't let's get too technical here for a common problem.

It is a RUT.

Making love to the same woman, the same way with predictable responses....masturbating is an improvement on that.
One gets bored...BORED.

It is normal .

[jd_1984]

Thanks Sqad, thats the reassurance I was hoping for.
Christ we are 31 and 24, surely we can get back in the saddle!

[ummmm]

Oh for christs sake, Sqad, do you ever let up?

[Sqad]

ummmm...we can't all be married to you, the perfect answer to a man's prayer.
Lucky old Ginger.

[andy-hughes]

The problem with sex is - we are all supposed to conform to some kind of mythicl sterotype who are at it all the hours they ar conscious, and anything less is a huige failure.

A couple is made of two individuals, so that's twice the unique input into a relationship.

As to how often is 'enough' - it's what's enough for the two of you, which may be once a year or twice a day. What you shouldn't do is get hung up on comparisons with other people, because they are meaningless - none of the parties involved are you or your wife so any camparison is utterly pointless.

If you two feel you have an issue, discuss it, and work it out between yourselves, and don't tell anyone.

I would never discuss my sex life on a forum like this - it leads to helpful advice from strangers which is meaningless because there are no set 'rules' to adhere to, or deviate from.

Work out what suits both of you, and then don't tell anyone - that's the recipe for a happy marriage.

[jd_1984]

On the other hand, reading the responses.
If we are both happy, which we are....
2 - 4 times a month may just be our happy medium for love making based the lives we live and the people we are??
Its just I reflect on previous relationships, where the emphasis was more on the physical and not an emotional bond and the values that we have as people. It is why I married this girl, we connect on so many levels. When we got together it was easily 3-5 days, sometimes every day of the week.

[Mamyalynne]

Do you tell your wife regularly of your boredom with her and does that make your marriage stronger Sqad?

[ummmm]

I'm surprised you haven't advised him to pay for it!!!

[berniecuddles]

sqad BIG LOL LOL

[jd_1984]

andy - I wouldnt discuss with friends as regardless of the truth, they would exaggerrate their sexual exploits, as lads do! If my mate asked how many times I had sex down the pub, he wouldnt get this level of honesty!
I find you are more likely to get honesty on here, so I decided to bring it up.

[berniecuddles]

sorry ummmm but he made me laugh no offence to you

[Mamyalynne]

jd - I think you may have summed it up, it may be the normal pattern for you both at the moment.

Don't hark back to other relationships, it won't help.

[jd_1984]

I realise this is "our issue" for "us" to decide a. if there is something that needs fixing and b. how we as a couple fix it, thanks.

[ummmm]

That's cool, Bernie, he's right, you can't all be married to me :-)

[viv38]

Sqad always makes me laugh - he's a card ...

[berniecuddles]

lets be honest on this subject jd has spoke about,i feel women find it easier to talk about more so than men!

[Sqad]

mamy...For Christ's sake, if you have to explain that sex with her is boring, then there is something wrong.

Andy H has come up with his usual "good advice" but just TRY telling your OH that she is *** in bed.....it doesn't work.

Why do youn think that the divorce rate is nearing 40%, why massage parlours and Escort agencies are flourishing and mistresses are beginning to be the norm.........because one can't discuss sex with the OH.