I'm feeling a bit miffed

[Andy008]

Can someone say something to cheer me up?

Thankyou.

[Clanad]

Seems The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Quasimodo was growing older and decided to retire.  After interviewing several young men of the village as a replacement, he decided on a likely candidate.  Quasimodo explained that to elicit the smooth, rich tones from the bells, he didn't ring the clangers, but swung by ropes and struck each bell with the flat of his forehead to get the mellowness he desired.  He demonstrated the procedure to the young replacement.  On the youth's debut, he swung swiftly towards the first bell, but at the last possible second, he let go of the rope to avoid the pain of striking the bell with his forehead... in doing so, he tumbled over the parapet to the pavement some 200 feet below.  As he lay in a bloody mess, two villagers approached him.  One turned him over with the toe of his boot, and asked "Do ye know him?" The other replied,"Nah, but the face rings a bell"......

[druiaghtagh]

Its Friday !!!!

[georgit79]

What's up, Andy?

[Woodsz]

Why It's Great to be a Man

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
* Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
* Your orgasms are real. Always.
* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can be president.
* You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
* Foreplay is optional.
* You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
* The world is your urinal.
* Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
* You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
* Same work... more pay.
* Wrinkles add character.
* You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
* Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
* If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
* People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
* Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
* The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
* Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
* Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
* One mood, all the time. 

[GucciGal]

It's a BANK HOLIDAY!!!!! and it's not gonna rain!!! whuuuhuuuu

[RogK]

Not like you, Andy. You're usually busy helping everybody else!

[AB Editor]

Its not your fault

AB ED

[OBonio]

Giraffe lying in the middle of the road. My mate says "We can't leave that lying there". "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe.".

This is made funnier by adding profanities into the last statement and by consuming large quantities of beer.

[georgit79]

What's not, AB Ed? Do you know something we don't?

[dealer246]

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list:

If someone comes to your front door saying they are government nipple inspectors and ask you to take your bra off, DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see your t�ts.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday.

I feel so stupid now.

[Ward-Minter]

Mary had a little lamb, the midwife died of shock.

[Englishbird]

Can't think of ANYTHING witty!! Would your misery like some company ......

Chin up chicken :o)

[Woodsz]

not like you to be down Andy now you have set englishbird off so here is one for her too

 The brilliant mathematician

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A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."  
 

[Woodsz]

PS Hope your both feeling better

[Joe Shmoe]

Just remember You are unique! There is no one in the world quite like you! 

[johntheplamf]

Two Dyslexics sitting in a room, One says "Can you smell gas?", The other says "Gas?, I can't even smell my name"

[Buddy]

Sorry youre needing cheered up - now u know how I felt with your response to my answer last week.

KARMA!!!

[Buddy]

I meant posting obviously.Now thats bound to have cheered u up !!!

[Woodsz]

Andy are you feeling low because the Air Hostesses didnt stay?

[Andy008]

I am just very stressed at the moment. And she was proper fit.