btw.....there is no such thing as a 'mild' personality disorder. either you meet the criteria, or you don't. whoever wrote that doesn't know what the hell they are talking about (for example - for borderline personality disorder - the most common one and especially in women - has 9 symptoms and you need to meet 5 of them to get that diagnosis). you may have one or two symptoms of a personality disorder, but so do most of the population (generally people are a little fecked up in one way or another - don't fret, it doesn't make you defective or a bad person in any way, it makes you normal. it is not a judgement!) but may mean that you will need some psychotherapy and medication to improve how you feel. if that were true of any physical health problem you had, that wouldn't make you feel bad, would it? you would go off to the clinic/dr and get your treatment - this is no different.
you are using alcohol to cope at present, and that is never a good idea if you do have mental health problems (or taking medications - as it might make side effects worse or make you feel groggy and gross)....just don't give up on giving up!!! you will get there as things get easier. you recognise you have an issue and want to do something about it, and those are the 2 hardest things to get right and make an effort for.....so you are on your way to recovering from your current difficulties. and that is great.
as for social services - you can see them, or not. it is your right to tell them to take a run and jump if that is what you want to do, but they can help and offer you support. it is very, very unlikely that they will do anything to you or your children except provide signposting to other services or support in accessing mental health/detox treatment. please stop panicking about that and don't tell anybody that you don't want to about your problems - that is your right.....but what if your family wanted to help? just consider it. there is also nothing wrong with being honest with social services and telling them that this is making you nervous because you don't understand what the process is about.....and they need to tell you why etc. and make YOU comfortable with it, not the other way around - you do not have to become a performing seal every time they come around and they will not expect you to be perfect. nobody is.
at the end of the day, i am a psych nurse who teaches doctors (and i have physical disabilities and psychotic depression myself - and take a damn sight more meds that 95% of my patients!!!), so i do know what i am talking about - if things are not being made clear to you or you do not understand, ask until you do. people who assess or refer you must make it crystal clear what your problems are, what help is available and involve you in any decision making about what path of treatment you take. it is ok and perfectly acceptable to try and be in control of what is happening to you and have choices offered to you. and there is nothing wrong with being a bit potty and not a perfect human being......so far i haven't met anybody that is! just try your best, and that is all anybody can ever ask of you. try not to beat yourself up and use your energy in doing positive things in your life, not the negative stuff. good luck with things.....and remember to be kind to yourself x