Social services Part 3

[tamslibs]

Sorry this is part 3 still to long

No one contacted me and told me. I am devastated. The boyfriend has mental problems. The social worker says she does not think it appropriate for my daughter to stay there, but nothing can be done.
I have asked her to come home and she has told me that social services say she can stay there.
I need her home to make sure she can access help for the sexual abuse. She is obviously not coping with it. the boyfriend is obsessional and wants to be with her 24/7. if I could get her to come home I could eventually get her to access help via nspcc for the sexual abuse.

Social services say they can not make her come home. My arguement is if she does not want to come home yet - fine, but please I need to stop her living at the boyfriends. Could social services have her for a couple of weeks till we manage to calm the situation and get her to access help. They say no, they have no places she can go to.

His parents are non co operative. I just want her to have a chance to breath without seeing him 24/7. His mother has admitted to me that he does have mental problems and that he does not want her to go home. I am no longer on talking terms with the parents since my last phone call begging her to stop my daughter staying there.

DOES ANYONE KNOW OF HOW I COULD GET A SOLICITOR WHO MAY BE ABLE TO ARRANGE AN INJUCTION. Or does my case not legally allow me to do so. I am so confused and at my witts end. i have today phoned nspcc in the hope that they can put some kind of pressure on social services.
I would really like an injunction saying she can not stay at his house. This way she would have to either come home or be temporarily housed by social services.
and access help for the sexual abuse. This can not happen if she is at the boyfriends 24/7

[TopCat1]

Hello There, this must be very hard on you, and I don't know much about this, but surely if your daughter is only 15, the guy could be charged with Statutory Rape?

[chris_woods]

Hi there,

my daughter used to self harm, she also tried to kill herself on several occasions. She was also bulimic and in the past 2 years she has done every drug she could get her hands on.She is now 23 and revealed to me last year that her step father had sexually abused her from the age of 6. She has asked me not to report it and says if i do she will kill herself rather than suffer the pain and humilliation of testifying against him. I sort of know what you are going through and hope thigs turn out well for you, My daughter has now sought councilling and is on antideppresents so there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just be brave and strong for her

[mimififi]

instead of begging her to come home as she obviously is becomming less and less able to get herself out of the situation, maybe you could compromise and arrange to meet her somewhere each week or preferably, every other day or something. Somewhere neutral. Explain that you won't beg her to come home, but you do need to keep seeing her. and explain that you have to see her without the BF.

Obviously the BF is obsessive and possessive and it sounds as if the parents are just as scared of him. Try not to alienate youself from them. Maybe they need help to. Maybe meeting with them, rather than phoning, could help aswel.. When youa re on the phone, you don't know whether or not he can hear what his mother says.

It sounds as though your daughter has got herself in this situation, and she most likely wants to get out, but feels trapped and unable to free herself. Maybe the BF has threatened her with return "I'll kill your mother if you go home" kinda thing. We just don't know. She sounds as though she is a scared little kid inside, trying to be tough. As she has suffered this abuse from someone else, it is possible that this is the way in which she now views herself, she is unable to see herself with any worth. Does she associate you house with the abuse? or are you in a different house now?Is she angry with you, blaiming you for not knowing and stepping in?(not that you could have done, but you just don't know how people process things in their mind.)

I don't understand why the police can't do more as she is a minor? I would definately go and see a solicitor and take the thing to court, possibly on the basis of pyschiatric illness? even if you have to have her committed, frankly, pyschiatric treatment sounds like something she needs, poor little darling, so damaged and afraid.

[mimififi]

Go and see a solicitor. Go back to the police, go to the GP also if he has seen her for the self harm before, also her school where she was/is attending, comments from teachers etc. You need to back up this case with evidence. Meet his parents in person. Try to meet her in person and be supportive as best you can.
I'm so sorry for you.

I shall be thinking of you deeply. Post again and give an update.

[phae]

Your story sounds very simlar to a friend of mine. She was tearing her hair out that the authorities were not doing enough, just as you are. She tried everything and I just about lived through the pain and frustration with her. Unfortunately, she lost everything. I cant say this will be the same in your case, but my advice (as hard as know it is) is to stay calm. Take step back and a very deep breath. Keep contact with your daughter, stay calm, dont critisize the BF, dont question her about abuse. In other words, as teenagers say, 'Lay Off'. Arrange to meet her as often as you can, and do normal thngs. Just try not to express your views on the situation at all.... Yet.

At some point, your daughter will come to you. But at the moment everytime you say leave the BF, she will defiantly stay with him even if she doesn't really want to. My friend continually called the police and Social services, and in my opinion, matters were made worse by their involvement.

Treat your child like the 'adult' she thnks she is. If you could embrace the boyfriend (as crazy as that sounds), it will only help. Then wait for your teenager to relax (rather than react). She could come to you when things break down with the boyfriend, and confide in you again after you (in her eyes) misplaced her trust when she told you of the abuse.

Unforatunately, statuary rape cannot be proved without your daughter testifying against the BF. And the social services done give a stuff how you feel.... All their job is, is to ensure your daughter is - in their opinion - OK. If she is clean and being fed, they aint gonna do too much and they cannot force your daughter to anything.

Try reaching her through kindness and understanding.... and be prepared for this to take quite some time

Don't despair, it WILL all work out in the end. x

[tamslibs]

Eventualy, got hold of her social worker today... wot use was that.

They still say they can not make her come home. They say there is no proof of danger. However they say they feel she is at risk, but can not prove it. Each time the police been there she looked safe.

They need concrete proof... but no means to atain it.

What a crap world... no wonder there are so many suicidal and abused children.

Well, she came home last night for 5 minutes to get some clothes. She was stoned out of her brain, raiding the cupboards for crisps and cakes. Rumaging through my coat pockets for money. The boyfriend waited round the corner (probably stoned himself).

I have requested tha social services put it in writing that they can not demand her to come home or offer her an alternative address. I have also asked for the notes over the last 4-5 weeks of every event I have reported. The social worker admits she should not be there, she does not want her with the boyfriend but has no powers to stop it.

She has told the BF's mum that ideally she does not want her there, but they can not stop her staying (talk about reinforce the idea of her being there for the son).

Thank you for everyones comments and support. I am at the moment a broken women.

[phae]

This must be very stressful and traumatic for you.

Take some solace with good friends and family members.

Do try to relax a little. It all sounds SO terrible, but it will work out in the end. Meanwhile, dont break down.

Good luck, take care x