Married ...with Feelings For Someone Else...

[Chasingcars]

This is very difficult for me to write, as somehow writing this out loud, makes it now much more real.
I am married of 5 years, with a 2.5 year old little girl. I am 36 years old, though not sure if thats relevent or not in this scenario.
My husband and I have a pretty good marriage, we have the usual arguments as every other couple I would imagine, and I would be lying if I said things hadnt been more stressfull since the arrival of the little one!
But all in all a good marriage..
However, over the last few weeks I have been developed feelings...quite strong emotional feelings for someone else I recently met.
I hadnt gone looking for someone else, and its not a physical attraction that drew me to him, but he has been working at our house on some building projects and over the weeks, we have chatted about all sorts, and i suddenly realised my feelings for him, run deeper than that of just friends.
The feelings have become so strong, I honestly feel we are soul mates, we connect on some many things and it got me thinking how little my husband and i have in common afterall.
This man I met, has also now told me he has feelings for me, and we both have a very stong connection, and I am, I have to confess, totally in love with him, and he with me...
As I say, initially it wasnt anything physical that attracted me to him, it was completely his soul and our connection at that level. Nothing has happened between us, and it wouldnt, as he is also married too, and also has 2 children (teenagers)
We both believe we should be together, and i guess in this question, there are actually many:
If I am married, can you love someone else? Can you love 2 people at the same time? Or are there different types of love?
Or the fact I am having feelings for someone else, ( anyone else for that matter) does that mean i shouldnt be married...?
The feelings i have are so strong, I am thinking of leaving my husband, and that alone is a huge thing to contemplate, especially having my little girl.
Is any challenge so great it cant be done or has anyone else had a similar experience and things worked out ok?

I just believe life is too short and something is telling me to follow my heart...
I just feel something is drawing us together, and every waking thought is on this person...and every second I want to be with him.
Work finishes on our home shortly which means he wont be around every day, but even before we admitted feelings for each other, we already had become good friends. So in the coming week we will see each other, just not every day, and I honestly dont know how I will get through each day not seeing him...this feels like love to me.
I thought i loved my husband, but now experiencing these feelings which are so totally overwhelming, i question now what me and my husband have...

I cant speak to my friends about this,as they are also close friends with my husband,and I would not want to put them in a difficult position. I could talk to my mum, but again she is close to my husband and I wouldnt want her acting differently around him or me. So AB'ers, over to you, I feel you all may be able to give me your honest and real life experience answers which I would really be very grateful for right now...thank you.

[woofgang]

Well you know the answer don't you? Our opinions and experiences don't matter. Your questions about loving two people and different kinds of love are so much air. Baseline is you have got a choice to make. Choose carefully.

[Hopkirk]

I would take a bet that when push comes to shove, he wouldn't leave his wife for you. They very rarely do.

[Baldric]

Follow your Heart, bear in mind there is probably no going back, BE SURE!
And Good Luck.

[Chasingcars]

Woofgang, you may just be right, it comes down to making a decision, but its such a huge decision, it almost overwhelms me..
Hopkirk...thats an interesting point, and a very valid one. Even if he didnt the fact i am thinking about ending my marriage, regardless of what happens with this person ive met, would it honest for me not to be married?

[anneasquith]

my only observation re your op is. this issue involves 4 adults and 3 children, parents/grandparents.

[pastafreak]

Like Hopkirk said...or...they leave but go back to what is safe. Even after professing true love. Been there.....etc.

[Prudie]

Whatever you do I'd certainly advise waiting to see how things pan out once he's no longer working on your house. Often extreme passionate 'in love' such as you describe burns out really quickly. From experience as one who has been left for supposedly 'great love' and also as someone who has left for 'great love' I'm afraid it will cause tumultuous pain and unrest around you, possibly for years, but it may all be worth it in the end or it may be a disaster. Agree with woofgang, think long and hard..

[Retrochic]

You could be feeling taken for granted by your OH, he (your builder) could be a 'player' that does this with every client to spice up his working day -who knows? To me it sounds like a teenage crush. What I would suggest is when the work is finished in your house play it cool with him and see what happens. Will he text you to meet him somewhere? will he ignore your texts? time will tell, but remember your OH in all this, what has he done to deserve this? You can't just up and go because someone other than your OH flirts with you and makes you feel like a teenager again. Think carefully as if you leave your OH for him you will be ruining two families.

[tamborine]

I felt same at your age with 3 kids. It is confusing emotions but dont act on it for the sske of both your families. Keep out of the workmsns way so youre not tempted.

If after a year you cant live without this bloke then risk all to be with him.....I bet you wont want him.

[Sqad]

\\\\Nothing has happened between us, and it wouldnt, as he is also married too, and also has 2 children (teenagers) \\\

Really? Then you had better put that right as, for the man, that is a very important ingredient.

Can someone be in love with more than one person at the same time...........of course they can.

Being in love from a man's point of view is quite often different from a woman'e idea of love.

my opinion......?.........get a physical relation going, have an affair and then reassess the situation in 1 years time.

[Hopkirk]

Have an affair Sqad?

CC hasn't got time for that, she's got a two and a half year old kid.

[Sqad]

^^^^ hoppy...."where there is a will, there is a way"..............

[bednobs]

but she'll be in nursery in six months ...

[sherrardk]

Your relationship with your husband is bound to be different now that there are three of you in your family. I think you have had your head turned by some male attention. See how you feel when your life returns to 'normal' and the building work is complete.

[DaisyNonna]

Is it a case of your seeing more of this man than your husband?
Is your daughter now of an age when you have a bit more time for yourself?
Have you had time to spend with your husband since her birth?
Did you think of ending your marriage before meeting this man?
Is he the first man to pay you any attention since your marriage or your daughter's birth?

All in all a good marriage? You are prepared to throw that away? To be apart from your daughter when she spends time with her father? Both will need time together.
Are you ready to take on two teenagers who might resent your presence in their lives? To deal with your husband and his wife?
Would you feel safe when this man spends time with yet another woman when he is working?
Have both of you discussed the possibility of being together? Would he leave his family?

Now is not the time to make such life-changing decisions. He will finish work on your home soon. Wait to see what transpires. He may or may not stay in touch.

Busy yourself with other people, other occupations, your daughter. Get to know your husband.

Give the situation time. You may feel very differently in a few months.
Do not rush into losing everything. If it is meant to be it will be.

[Chasingcars]

Thankyou all for your input...
To answer some of your questions:
I do feel a little taken for granted by my husband but he works hard for us and I am probably guilty for not making quality time for us as me working part time, and juggling little one, and the various house projects, time just gets swallowed up.
My husband has a lot of interests of his own, for example he likes fishing and will happily go off and spend a whole sunday (12 hours +) by the lakes...i dont mind him fishing its the fact he would rather spend time doing his own thing than with us..
Anyway, i wouldnt entertain an affair, my husband doesnt deserve that. Thats why i was asking that even if something doesnt happen with this new person, the fact i am tempted to up and leave makes me winder if i am truly happy deep down...and would it be fairer on my husband if i wasnt married to him?
Since my daughters birth, i have had some interest from another person but wasnt tempted, but at other times i have weighed up if im truly happy or not.
I agree since little one came along things are more stressful but sometimes our viewpoints on things are so different and have argued much more recently i wonder if there is a point in us being together.
More recently, he is keen for another baby, I really don't think i can do it all again and really don't want one...im not sure how you compromise on that!
He has said that his marriage hasnt been happy for a while but has stayed for the childrens sake....he said he would leave his wife and we have discussed being together, but ultimately we have all 3 children to consider....so its a big thing.
We both said neither of us is going anywhere so we don't need to rush into making any decision of any kind...we are enjoying a lovely friendship at the moment.

[Retrochic]

You need to have a sexual relationship -you both may not be compatible in that department and the beautiful coming together of soul mates may end up in a 10 minute fumble or a total flop. I can not understand the morals of males or females that feel the need to break up homes for purely selfish reasons have a fling get it out uf your system then go back to your OH

[anneasquith]

no don't ' have a fling' if you are married at least be faithful. if you are unhappy, leave your husband,

[Retrochic]

Sometimes a fling and the consequential guilty feelings and perhaps disappointment and bringing back to reality do a marriage the world of good

[grasscarp]

He has stayed in his marriage for the sake of his children who are now teenagers. You are thinking of leaving your marriage while you have a two year old. Try not to do anything hasty as she needs you both and your husband wants you and another child with you. Try and think back to what got you two together in the first place.
As others have said see how it goes after he is not working there. Will you trust him at his next job? It will usually be himself alone with a bored housewife!