College Essay Help

[mellie608]

I am not sure if this works for a the common essay. the prompt it "Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story." I need help with editing and also if this is even a decent essay.

Zodiac signs and horoscopes are something that I always used to look at as just random predictions and characteristics that have no meaning at all. It wasn’t until my cousin, Sara, introduced me to what zodiac signs really mean and stand for that I began to appreciate them for all that they can offer. After one lengthy conversation this summer with Sara about what zodiac signs mean and how they are relevant to everyone’s life, I started to really consider the value they could have in my life. I started to research the different characteristics of each sign and I fell in love with the significance and applicability that they had in my life. My cousins and I started to constantly discuss zodiac signs in a group chat. It seemed like everyday we would share our horoscopes with each other or a random fun fact we saw about each other’s signs that day. It became a constant part of my day to talk to my cousins about zodiac signs; it was something I always looked forward to. My cousins and I were always close and got along with each other at family gatherings and whatnot, but it wasn’t until we started to have daily conversations about zodiac signs and our horoscopes that we became really close. Soon we weren’t just talking about zodiac signs and horoscopes, but also about school stress, friend drama, or even just the excellent ice cream we had for dessert.
Because we talked to each other everyday, my cousins allowed me to share things about myself in a way that I was never able to do before because they were always just a text message away. I typically never share my feelings with my family or friends; it has always been a struggle for me to express and talk about how I really feel to others. I would internalize my feelings and keep them all bottled up, but when I started to talk with my cousins, I shared things that I would have never shared with anyone before. My cousins offered me support that allowed me to grow emotionally and to become more secure with myself. We helped each other through the toughest and most stressful times each day through words of encouragement, laughter, and smiles. I realized that the cousin bond we formed would not have been possible if Sara hadn’t lectured us Because we talked to each other everyday, my cousins allowed me to share things about myself in a way that I was never able to do before because they were always just a text message away. I typically never share my feelings with my family or friends; it has always been a struggle for me to express and talk about how I really feel to others. I would internalize my feelings and keep them all bottled up, but when I started to talk with my cousins, I shared things that I would have never shared with anyone before. My cousins offered me support that allowed me to grow emotionally and to become more secure with myself. We helped each other through the toughest and most stressful times each day through words of encouragement, laughter, and smiles. I realized that the cousin bond we formed would not have been possible if Sara hadn’t lectured us about horoscopes that one summer night.
I think that my self-confidence and self-assurance was not shaped by the zodiac signs meanings, but rather by the bond that I formed with my cousin because they allowed me to show whom I really am, without the fear of judgment or ridicule. So even if horoscopes are just random predictions that have no importance to some, to me they have given me a friendship with my cousins which has allowed me to grow stronger and more self-confident and have given me an identity and that wouldn’t have happened if we didn’t start texting about horoscopes.

[Jackdaw33]

Bin it at once and start again.

[Mosaic]

I suggest this wouldn't put you ahead of the pack in a college/ university where places were in demand.
Apart from Hogwarts.
You need to talk about stuff like outward-bound courses, volunteering, singing in a choir, playing a musical instrument, pottery and art classes, being a female footballer, you get the drift.

[Cloverjo]

Please don't mention horoscopes in your essay.
I'm also not sure that you need to be as well-rounded as mosaic says. Uni profs are looking for people who are passionate about their subject. They don't particlarly want someone who will take a lot of time off to sing, row or whatever.

[Mosaic]

However it is useful to indicate that you aren't completely asocial and somewhere off the end of the autistic spectrum, hence mentioning positive social interaction is the thing you put in against the need for a tie-breaker. Just don't mention drinking or clubbing.