Quickies...........

[Shaglene]

"If you had waited three months for your NHS cancer specialist you would be dead, " said my BUPA specialist.

"Thank god we caught it in time then, " I said with relief.

"Oh no, we can't stop it, but I can tell you, you have three months left to live. "

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My boss said, "As part of our cost-saving drive we're installing energy-efficient lights in the toilets. They work on a motion detection system."

I replied, "That's all fair and well, but what if someone's just going in for a pee?"

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I've noticed there are some guys who don't like it if you strike up a conversation whilst standing next to them at the urinals.

Apparently I should be peeing as well.

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I've read 'Plumbing for idiots' twice and I still haven't got a clue what I'm doing.

I guess it's going to take another few reads before this sinks in.

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"Don't you think you've had enough" my wife snarled, as I sat down in the pub with another pint.

"Nonsense" I replied. "It's just what the doctor ordered."

"I hardly think the doctor would approve" she muttered.

"Honestly love I'm not lying. Dr Stevenson is over there and he's got a Guinness too."

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