How Would You Take This?

[Jenarry]

I've been thinking about this for a while and just wanted to get some views.
When me and hubby got married a friend gave us a wedding present that was a sign with the following quote 'A man's home is his castle-until his Queen comes home'
She really upset me with her lack of interest on the lead up to the wedding(we only gave ourselves six weeks to plan everything) I wanted her to help with picking my wedding dress etc but she was too 'busy'. even when I had her and another close friend over for lunch one day the last thing she wanted to talk about was the wedding and she knew I wanted her to see my dress but they were practically leaving and I had to say 'can I show you my dress'.
If it was me I would have been absolutely itching to see it. she was the same on my hen night and just wanted to talk about herself. and the last straw was on the wedding day that wasn't along affair.
she disappeared for an hour and half between the ceremony and the reception with 3 of my other close friends to go to let her dog out and so that she could drop off her car so they could drink. The reception was set up so that we would all go straight there and the last photos would be taken and then food would be served.
my friend knew this and it disrupted everyone ,especially the photographer and it made that part of the day very stressful for me as I had guests waitg and no idea where they were. for one and a half hours!
when they finally turned up 2 of my other friends were visibly upset that she had taken so long.
I've tackled my friend about it after and she just got on her high horse about it all - I just wanted an apology so now we are ex friends(there has been lots more incidents such as this that have lead to this but not being able to put us 1st on our (short)wedding day was the last straw. it was very upsetting.
She bought this 'present' around a week or later and I couldn't even bear to open it for months as the whole thing had upset me. and then when I saw it it seemed completely like a passive aggressive gift and not appropriate for a wedding present. what do you think?...

[Prudie]

Firstly nothing in your description depicts a friend. She may be jealous or spiteful but all her behaviour points to someone who didn't like you at all. The sign sems a bit like a jokey card implying women rule the roost. I wouldn't have appreciated it at all. Try not to fret over it and cross her off.
I do understand how upsetting it is as I also got married a year ago and for entirely different reasons I had someone I wanted to be involved and they weren't by their choice and it is hurtful.

[scorpiojo]

What Prudie said

[Mamyalynne]

Oh boy was she jealous!


Jenarry, don;t lose another moment of your life thinking about it, just a pity she couldn't share your happiness - her loss.

[Canary42]

This is not a friend, it's a self-centred egotist who has used your friendship when it suited her. Cut all ties now.

[Jenarry]

I wonder about it occasionally(sometimes we see each other at social gatherings which is very awkward and it brings it all back :/). I wonder if I over-reacted or was too harsh on her and I always come to the same conclusion that it was one hurtful act too far on our special day) I would not dream of doing this to anyone on their wedding day let alone a close friend.
I can see that she has put a spin on the whole thing with some friends that think I've dumped her for no reason-or as I'm married now ,which I don't know whether to put them straight or just leave the whole thing. people who are close to me know the truth.

[bunkmoreland]

I agree with everyone else. Severe sour grapes going on and she behaved in a very personal,nasty way. It is always difficult when a friendship is tested,but you have done nothing wrong here,and she has behaved appallingly! Stop trying to second guess her behaviour now for any guilt on your part! It's hard to leave a friendship behind,but, she left your "friendship" already!

[viv41]

Some friendships just don't stand the test of time, this is one of them. She's jealous and maybe bitter (her fault not yours) and you have other friends who matter and who understand, and of course your husband. She really isn't worth any more of your time and effort.

[Jenarry]

Thankyou everyone for your reassuring words.
I had a neighbour that we just said hello to in the street that made more fuss of my wedding than my friend did disappointingly.
The day would've gone much smoother if she hadn't come.. she had lots of options she could've taken instead of causing the disruption she did.

[Jenarry]

and then the wedding present added insult to injury... literally.

[Baldric]

I would simply suggest 'You are well rid!'

[seekeerz]

And now, you must try and put all her *** behind you ....this is not easy but you must ....she knows she has 'got' to you and achieved her purpose and if it keeps on niggling at you, the she keeps on 'winning'.

Don't dwell on her actions anymore ....very very hard to do....when someone hurts us to that extent then it's almost impossible to wipe it from your memory but you must try.

My mother was very like your friend ....my biggest mistake was having a successful marriage after she'd predicted it wouldn't last 5 minutes ....and I've had to wipe her nastiness out if my mind on a daily basis.

It can be done, and it must if you're to have a happy life from now on ....good luck, I'll be thinking of you xxx

[Mamyalynne]

Write down what you think of her , take the piece of paper to the garden and burn it, then erase that memory of her minuscule part in your wonderful day.

[jno]

maybe jealous, maybe just not interested in weddings. Her biggest sin seems to be she didn't act the way you would have acted. This happens; we don't all see and do things the same way. You should just have got on with the wedding in her absence rather than sitting around smouldering. But I can't see anything wrong with the present, it actually seems to say you're the boss in your own home.

Anyway, if you don't want her as a friend, you don't have to have her. Put it behind you and concentrate on your married life.

[bunkmoreland]

When my then fiancee and I were going to get married,we just wanted a very quiet wedding at a registrar's office,with just 2 witnesses. My "good" friend wanted me to have a bigger wedding with her included! I tried to explain how we felt,but,she kept pushing the matter:-( In the end we did it our way,and when she heard what we had done,she phoned me up to tell me how disappointed she was!! Within a couple of months,I had stopped contacting her,or being anywhere she would be and 22 years later,I'm still happy and relieved I did that.:-)

[KatherineClaire]

It is not important. Just forget it. And live happy life.