Cancer

[phleb]

My cousin told me her dad has cancer. He was poorly for a few months and had surgery, but its come back. Bowel cancer. The docs have said there is nothing they can do. They haven't said how long he may have, just that its terminal. I want to talk to doctors about a second opinion. Also want to ask what has been done so far to treat him. He said i could. He said he wants more time and doesnt want to go yet. What kind of questions should i ask? How do they treat bowel cancer? Are we entitled to a second opinion? What can we do to help him? Tia.

[Mamyalynne]

That's a big question , the first thing you need to do is contact the Specialist who dealt with him and arrange to go for a chat.

You'll need to ask why they have decided no further treatment is recommended, there will be a reason.

Describing the many ways Bowel cancer is treated here won't help you really.

Each person is different.

A very tough time for all of you.

Let us know how you get on.

[murraymints]

so sorry to hear this..of course a second opinion is always your right..but if the condition is terminal ...things must focus on palliative care ..making things as comfortable and pain free....sorry can't be more optimistic..now is the time to say all the stuff that needs to be said and do what needs to be done..in some respects it is better that yo know and have the opportunity to do so..my thoughts are with you at a very difficult time xx

[Cloverjo]

It's very tough. My mum had bowel cancer which was treated, but it still got to her liver, lungs and brain. We begged the docs to try more chemo or radiotherapy, but they said it wouldn't do her any good.

Go and speak to the doctors with him, and ask why more treatment won't help. They will explain their reasons. I'm sure there are good reasons, but of course you need to hear them.

I'm sorry, I know how difficult this is.

[rsvp]

I've had cancer and know what the treatment entails - I've also just lost a friend (last week) with a cancer which returned and spread to her brain - this was diagnosed as terminal about 15 months and she was on regular treatment for approximately 12 months. This impacted quite harshly on her life but she was able to have a fair quality - about six weeks ago she deterioriated very rapidly and sadly died last week. I have to say though, by following her Doctor and Oncologist's advice she did have the best possible last 15 months. You can't change the outcome of terminal cancer.

[phleb]

Thank you all of you. Its a sad time. I wn't forgive myself if i didnt try to help. I will arrange a chat tomorrow. I am so sad i cant describe my feelings. i will update you all soon. Xx

[Mamyalynne]

You do right Phleb, only by being armed with the full facts can you reassure the Gentleman and help him in some way to come to terms with what is going to happen and ensure the best rest of his life.


My Husband had late diagnosed Bowel Cancer, emergency surgery then chemo - all seemed well until..........it moved to the brain.

Without asking and asking all the way through we wouldn't have known how to cope and what to expect.

[ummmm]

My dad died of liver cancer and no treatment was offered at all. Just pain control. Sometimes it's sadly just too late :-(

I don't know if it's the same across the country but the Macmillan nurses were brilliant.

[Sqad]

Interesting post.
I would like to make these comments, which i stress are personal.
UK Oncologists are well trained and experienced and depending upon the unit, would make a second opinion of doubtful value.
As far as asking questions are concerned, I think that you may well be searching for unrealistic expectations.

We all have to die some time and there often comes a time, particularly with cancer patients that "enough is enough" particularly following recurrence after surgery and chemotherapy that they take the attitude of
"I have had enough, I am tired, just leave me alone."

I am not in receipt of this patient's medical history, but i must confess that with terminal bowel cancer I would consider a leave well alone policy to be seriously considered.

[jd_1984]

The feeling of "Could I have done more" I am certain haunts family members who have seen somebody they love slip away.

Of course if it appeases your cousin to try and keep some hope, she could pursue a second opinion.

However, trying to find some acceptance and peace with the inevitability of losing somebody close, is probably what she is going to need support with.

It is tough x

[tinkerbell23]

May i ask what surgery he had? X

[phleb]

I do understand that the specialists have decided whats best for him based on his condition. I also know that people of a certain age are not priority and can be pushed aside when it comes to costs. i dont want my uncle to die, but its a sad reality that he will, we all will one day. I would like him to live longer, but only if that was confortable for him. I would not push or encourage other family members to want to have him longer if he was in pain. He looks scared, i am scared. he has been sent home today so my questions have been unanswered. I really do hope the doctors saw him as a patient who needs treatment rather than another budget tightening exercise .

Does anyone know what biological treatment is and when it would be used?
Thanks sqad for your professional opinion, and thanks all for your helpful advice. It really does help me. Xx

[Sqad]

phleb...try this for size.......

http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/type/bowel-cancer/treatment/biological-therapies-for-bowel-cancer

[phleb]

Thank you. X

[tinkerbell23]

If its any help Phleb.... ive never saw anyone denied surgery due to costs!! Infact i would go as far as to say sometimes i cant believe they operate on some people that they do!

I wish you and yours all the best. Im working towards specialising in palliative/ cancer care so if ican help please shout x

[phleb]

Thank you tinkerbell. Xx

[phleb]

I go to see the consultant or a member of his team with my uncle tomorrow. Is it worth mentioning the biological treatment? Sqad?

Tinkerbell, just in case i get the complete shut down tomorrow and be told that it is indeed terminal, what can we all do to make his last weeks/months comfortable for him?

Many thanks

[phleb]

anyone here?

[Tilly2]

Phleb, I'm not sure it's up to you to make him comfortable. That will be for the palliative care team.

[Mamyalynne]

Hi Phleb, gald you have got an appointment to speak to someone - take pen and pad to make notes or maybe record the discussion?

By all means ask about sorts of treatments and therapies, if you don't ask you won't know.


As for making this Gentleman comfy etc you need to be lead by him, where he hirts and resolve that, what things are difficult for him and find solutions as you go along.

Don't let him neglect his mental attitude either, often a low dose anti depressant can be very helpful.


One tip from my late husband to slightly lighten the mood - 'Don't march the entire family (including those he hasn't seen for years) past his bed, day on day'.
In his words, he began to feel like an exhibit.


Not an easy time for any of you, but always someone here to chat to, and often someone with more knowledge than me too.

[Mamyalynne]

That post is full of typos, sorry.


Also don't forget to get all the details of the MacMillan Nurses in your/his area.