Living with someone who has depression

[tigerthecat]

My partner of 20 plus years has long term depression. I'd really like to know how other people manage to maintain their own (similar) relationships?

[Buddy]

I too suffer from depression but its not clinical.I hate what I am doing to my family but in a strange way it has re-inforced me because believe me I get no sympathy only support from my family.Please do not pander to some-one who is suffering - from experience it doesnt work.Please arrange for an independant counsellor because families are too close.

On an upbeat - I have and am still going through the worst of the menopause -depresssion the works and we have just bought the most fab home in Spain.Life goes on and I hope to be through this particular episode in a year or two.

Best Wishes!!!xxx

[netibiza]

How do you deal with someone who won't admit they have depression?  I think my husband suffers from it.  He is mostly miserable, sleeps an awful lot, and when I suggest going to the doctors, he says he's ok and pulls himself together for a while .He  says he should talk about his work problems (he's self-employed and doing very well) instead of keeping it all in.  I would be interested in what your partner thinks In a pickle as they will know what I'm going through.  It does make for a very unpleasant atmosphere at home. But when he's in the local bar he's jack the lad and it makes me cross.

[mimififi]

if you check out the omega 3 website, there is an article on there that talks about the research they have on linking omega 3 with helping depression and other neurological disorders. I have suffered depression and taking this suppliment really perks me up. I generally take it all the time now and haven't been worried about how I feel for about 3 years now. I have tried other prescription medecines before too.

I am not advocating this instead of your prescription meds, please do not stop your meds and take this. However, the beauty of it is you can take it with your meds so if it works great.
counselling is most definately essential to a relationship where one is dealing with depression. I would also recommend counselling for the depressed and the depressed carer. People who care for physically ill partners get lots of support/sympathy/respite etc; however those dealing with a depressive seem to get a bit of a raw deal. Make sure you always have a 3rd party to talk to.

[tigerthecat]

When I wrote the initial question I was conscious that the details were very thin. bear with me as this could be a bit of a ramble. My partner has had many low periods during our relationship but as a result of his job he was kept mostly on track with work. Although he did spend a lot of the rest of his time in bed or awake throughout the night doing things which he enjoyed. He did admit that this noctural life was easier and that he didn't then have to face up to the real things which had to be done.

About 7 years ago he had a really really bad time and was talking of suicide so gave up a work and returned to uni. He dropped out after 2 years because he didn't feel that he was learning anything. (  he is a very  clever man). He returned home and set up his own business. His books are full but for the last 18 months he has done no work. I was working 70 hrs a week until last  I got a more normal job and discoverd that there were two days between friday and monday and  how crap our lives had  become. I forgot to mention we had a child who is now 3 and who my partner cares for along with nursery 2 full days a week

Anyway when I realized that actually the psychaitrist he's been seeing for years and the medication weren't having an effect I went and lost the plot at the Psy and  GPs. We now have a cpn who is working on my partners problem. As he has said to me there isn't a quick fix.

I have never colluded with his illness although my experience is if i'm nice he gets worse and if I ignore it gets better.

I am really quite angry that he is ill and has been for so long. I have just started relate - to try and work out if I want to stay. I do BUT I cant stand this life any longer - I've really had enough. I have said (and I know it terrible) he'd be better dead...mmmm I suspect I had your sympathy till then. But its the truth.

[tigerthecat]

i had to severley edit my last posting so it might read a little oddly - i did ramble.

[Buddy]

You poor soul.YOU need time-out.Have you a friend or relative you can go to for a nice weekend and sit back and chill.Your husband might I suspect understand the sacrifices carers make if you are not there.

Look after yourself because your husband is getting help and you are not.

Depression is not easy for the sufferer or the carer but I personally have found a reality check worked for me - not as a cure but my god I did stop wallowing.

Best wishes xxx 

[netibiza]

Even more sympathy now tigerthecat - I know exactly how that last bit feels!!!