Lost Thank You Messages

[Coppit]

My daughter X and me live in the west of England, my son and his daughter Y are in Kent. At Christmas I sent Y a generous cash gift but never had any thanks. X also sent her a gift - no message either. I had quiet word with my son who came back saying that Y says she had sent us cards, so there must be something wrong with our postal service, (What about hers?!).
The question is, are we, me and X right to feel a bit upset that no message has been received direct (not even by phone or email) from Y - or are we being unreasonable?

[bednobs]

i would feel upset, but if y thinks she has sent cards, there would be no reason to email or phone. If you only had a "quiet word" with your son, y probably still doesn't even know you havent received the cards

[bednobs]

ps how old is Y?

[ladybirder]

No I don't think you are. This happened in my family. I never received any acknowledgement for birthday or Christmas cheques over many year and in the end I stopped sending them. And so did my son who had done the same. Never even got a phone call, text or note.
Is this the first time it's happened to you?

[woofgang]

In my experience, post this Christmas was dire. I didn't get two cards from people I expected to get cards from and a very old friend of mine phoned me in the new year to check that I was okay as she had had no card from me. I had put quite a long letter in it which fortunately I had typed on the computer so I printed it out again, put it in another card and sent it to her around jan 10th. That card and the original Christmas card arrived on the same day. I agree with bedknobs, if your grandchild had sent a card, she would have assumed that you received it. I can see why you are upset....no I wouldn't say you are being unreasonable exactly but unless she is in the habit of not thanking you then I would give her the benefit of the doubt.

[meglet]

Your post isn’t entitled “Lost Thank You Messages” so its seems you do concede they have been sent but not arrived. Most people, I think, would prefer the effort that has gone into a handwritten message rather than a call or text. So she has done the right thing, it’s not her fault the card hasn’t arrived yet.

[Mamyalynne]

Your Son should have quietly mentioned to her that the thank yous never arrived then she could follow up - other than that, give her the benefit of the doubt.

Move on, life is too short.

[Tuvok]

There is the possibility that the cards were intercepted if they were in obvious "this is a card" envelopes.

[Coppit]

Thanks for all your thoughts. This has happened before, but to preserve family harmony I didn't sideswipe. Both daughters well brought-up but the remedy for Y = no more cash. She is 23 and now in a partnership.
Interesting that the other daughter Z only thanked me for her Xmas gift about 2 weeks ago when I phoned my son for a chat. She had a word with me at the end of the conversation.
In my day it was the effort of writing letters with pen and ink, so no excuse these days with phone and internet.
Remedy for Z . Cash next year when she is 21 - and after that they will both be treated the same way.

[Coppit]

Mamyalynne. Born 1934, your closing comment is probably right!

[murraymints]

Nope you are not being unreasonable..manners cost nowt !

[bednobs]

i think the point is that the grandaughter HAS had the manners to write a card, and i agree that it's actually more effort to write and post a card than to text (id be pretty fed up with a text). It's unreasonable to expect someone to write a card and text and phone. why wouldn't they assume the card had arrived. Also, yes, post utterly dire here too over xmas

[Sqad]

This one is easy......modern children, on the whole lack courtesy and basic good manners.
So.......you either accept that OR have a word with the parents ( a serious word)
Me? I told the parents and there was no effect and the result is that the grand-kids have had no cards or presents for over 20 years.

Does it bother me?.....not a jot.

[Mamyalynne]

Coppit, it wasn't meant in a nasty way.:-)

[Islay]

If it bothers you enough to post on here about it you would be better off telling your children and grandchildren how you feel imho.
Or let it go.

[ummmm]

I've never sent or received a thank you card. A phone call is enough.

[Butterbun]

Same happened last few times, no acknowledgement at all. You'd like to know the gift got there. Last Christmas I didn't bother sending anything to this particular person, in January a card arrived asking about my health and was everything alright.

[gness]

A few weeks ago I gave a box of goodies to a lad to sell at his next car boot sale......he's doing a charity fund raiser....
About the same time I slipped, as they said bye, two envelopes to visiting relatives I rarely see....one at uni and one busy with work....£100 and £50...have a little treat on me.....

To date I've had a lovely thank you card popped through the letter box from the box of goodies lad.....and that's all.....

So I'm with Sqad on this......and no, I didn't give the money expecting gratitude.......but a thank you in some form is good manners....x

[ummmm]

Why does it have to be in letter form though?

[Butterbun]

It doesn't have to be in letter form. A phone call or even a text would do for me.