Transitioning

[jennyjoan]

A programme on the above - you know - man wants to become woman and woman wants to become man. These people are married - some of them have stuck by their side to their partners - would you.

Me - I find it so sad

[Mamyalynne]

I don't think I could answer that question until or if I was ever in that situation JJ.

[jennyjoan]

well i think my answer would be that if children were born with the "first marriage" - stand by your children and forget about yourself.

[Cloverjo]

Are these people married to each other? Or in two separate relationships?
If my OH said he wanted to become a woman we wouldn't have a relationship. We'd probably stay together but be more like housemates. It wouldn't happen anyway.

[jennyjoan]

Jo - they are married to each other and one case - 4 children in one of the marriages. To be honest - I try to follow the programme but get confused as to who is who - then I lose the plot.

[Gizmonster]

My mum was married to my step father quite a few years ago; when he dropped the bomb shell that he wanted to become a woman.
My step father didn't want the relationship to end; so my mother had a good long think abut it. Her reply, "I've got 2 sisters, I don't want another one". She also expressed that she'd be uncomfortable walking hand in hand down the street .... so that was the end of the marriage :(
Several years on and everybody is still good friends and she (my ex step father) went ahead with the full gender reassignment.

[jennyjoan]

I don't care with the transitioning as long as the kids don't get hurt in the process. I woulda died if my mother wanted to be a man and my oul da wanted to be a female - it just wouldn;t happen

[DarceyK123]

I was watching "The Posh Frock Shop" where people come in to buy their wedding dresses and there was a couple on there who were getting married, after he had become a woman and she had become a man.

I know I'm old fashioned but I did think it a bit weird.

[rowanwitch]

It's one of those don't judge until you have walked in their shoes things. I believe you love a person regardless of their gender and if one of my husbands had done this then it would be difficult, but unless they found a man who wanted them after the change we would have worked something out I am sure. People get too caught up in the anatomy of other people and miss out on a whole range of loving relationships

[Sqad]

If gender problems were entertained by my wife/partner /whatever goes today, then my relationship, as i need it, would disappear and so would I.
I agree, sex is not the bee all and end all of a relationship, but it is bloody important (to me anyway) and i could seriously have sex with someone clothed in the opposite gender to his/her sex.

Yes.....it happens, but not for sqad.

[naomi24]

No. It would be the end of the marriage for me. I like men.

[Sqad]

sqad 07:07 "could" should have read "couldn't"...obviously ;-)

[Old_Geezer]

Doesn't have to be serious.

[naomi24]

OG, what do you mean? I could remain friends, but remaining in the marriage would be completely out of the question.

[rowanwitch]

I guess I am just flexible, but I understand why others have difficulty with the concept.. I suppose it comes down to what love is, rather than sexual identity if you have the two things firmly enmeshed in your thought processes it would be hard to adjust. Squad, would your relationship survive if Mrs Sqad was no longer able to continue that aspect of the relationship? I bet it would because it's obvious how you feel about her from the way you have posted over the years.

[Old_Geezer]

Was responding to sqad.

[Sqad]

Rowan

"Squad, would your relationship survive if Mrs Sqad was no longer able to continue that aspect of the relationship? "

It is easier for the man to accept the female partner dressing up as a man, as women often do wear trousers etc, so that wouldn't be too much of a big deal. If she was not interested in sex , as we know it, then it would depend upon other factors coming into play. if it was early in the marriage then i would want out, if it was late in an otherwise satisfactory marriage then i would see it out.

Now, as probably is the situation in the majority of marriages, if she had the attributes of MY idea of a wife..presentable, attractive, smells good, dresses well, elegant , good conversationalist and a good cook.......BUT...was not interested in physical sex, then i would keep the relationship going and buy my sex OR have an affair. The french and the Greeks have it right in my opinion, they have a woman they could live with for the reasons given above and another woman (mistress) to supply the sex. That ia accepted in those countries as in the Arab countries.
Now if one has the woman that provides ALL your requirements, then you have it made.........
Massage parlours, prostitution, brothels,escort agencies and dating site are all flourishing industries, because of the need of men in sexless marriages.

[naomi24]

For me it isn’t just about sex. If for some reason my husband became incapable, the marriage would, without doubt, survive, but I like a man to be masculine and real men are masculine in more ways than one. Effeminacy in a man holds no attraction for me whatsoever. In fact, quite the reverse.

[Sqad]

^^^^ me too naomi......

[rowanwitch]

Is it my imagination or is answerbank improving again,

I have maintained long and otherwise happy relationships without sex, I have had some very unhappy ones with it, I had a first marriage where being faithful didn't seem an option because of what I later found out, I could have a straight relationship with a female to make, a lesbian relationship with a male to female, or all other adult options in between. So long as I at least liked and respected them. Or fancied them which is a completely different thing.

[Sqad]

rowan....I understand that, but i prefer the wife+mistress concept if needed.

my admiration and surprise was when Baldic announced that Tashi was living and in a relationship with Mr and Mrs Baldric. That to me is a very adult, mature understanding relationship by all three participants which i admire.