I was sexually abused at age 12 by a boy a few years older than me who was built like a brick shiithouse.
I was powerless.
Over the years I felt anger and shame and struggled to put it out of my mind.
I had counselling several times over the years, but it never really goes away.
Why didn't I fight harder?
Why didn't I run?
Why did I keep it to myself?
I mentioned it to my wife once, when drunk, and she just thought it was rambling, never mentioned again.
None of my kids know except for the night of the drunken rambling.
They have all forgotten it.
Sometimes there is a trigger, like this thread, and it comes back. The sounds, the smells, the feelings, the fear, the bewilderment. So hard to describe.
I wish no harm or punishment on him.
That would magnify my pain.
Yes I forgive him.
Maybe it was a phase for him, that he grew out of. Hopefully!
I live without the memories and hurt, until something brings it back.
It's sad.