Why Shouldn’T I End My Life?

[Rach2008]

I force myself through each day. I’m sick of trying, spending so much effort, just to get through the day. Everything I touch turns to ***. I’m really not being dramatic. My son won’t even speak to me. I have no family. My daughter - I love her, but she only speaks to me when she wants something from me. I’m ridiculous because I’m too cowardly to go through with killing myself, I’ve tried it before on numerous occasions.

[Mamyalynne]

It really isn't our place to give you reasons, however I would strongly urge you to seek some help and advice.

Even if the relationship with your children has broken down you still have so much to offer.

Please consider getting help.

[Canary42]

Ring these people before you do anything silly.

https://www.samaritans.org

[-SharonA-]

We all go through bad times, you're not the only one. But please please talk to somebody who can help.
It may cliche but times do get better.

[-SharonA-]

^^^^^ sound.

[maggiebee]

Please call 116 123 (free Samaritan's line) to talk to somebody. As has been said, we all go through rough times but it helps to talk and I find a stranger is often better than a friend as they are unbiased.

[Baldric]

You've been on AB for a while now, listen to your Friends here, we're all here for you, just reach out if you want to talk.

[Rach2008]

I have to offer - I do a good and valuable job in society. I help people in need. But I feel so helpless, hopeless, worthless and pointless in my own existence. Is this really all that life is?

My own existence seems pointless. And worthless, in a purely selfish way. Do I continue to exist just to help others when my own existence is so vapid?

[Mamyalynne]

If you could get to talk to someone, a counsellor for example - they could help you find ways to make your own daily life not only bearable but enjoyable.

It will take work but it sounds like you have the capabilities to do that, with help.

[Baldric]

// I have to offer - I do a good and valuable job in society. I help people in need //
That's great, now you really need to talk to someone to help boost your self-image, life has so much to offer, there are people out there that know exactly where you are and really can help you, try them.

[pastafreak]

You contradict yourself. How can your existence be vapid if you "do a good and valuable job in society" and help those in need? That means you contribute in the most valuable way any of us can...and therefore your life has worth. Think also of those whose lives would be affected by the loss of your life...not just your children, but those you have helped in a positive way...and those you can help in the future.

[Rach2008]

I found counselling helpful, mamy. I had 8 sessions and I felt positive about life - a huge change for me. The NHS help ended there. It was a few years ago. I can’t afford to pay for private therapy.

I suppose my question is - is this all there is? Is this it? Feeling numb and bland and empty? What is the point? To go to work and help other people feel better, when I feel nothing.

[Mamyalynne]

Well, you got to a point where you valued life again and you can again - sadly the NHS is so stretched they can't always continue the support when you need it.

You must have a few interests, even if you haven't touched them in ages, try to find an outlet there - you are centring all your thoughts on the negativity.

Try a positive activity one per week until you find something that grabs you.

Hey, we need you here - don't go anywhere! x

[jennyjoan]

well Rach - my friend felt like you too with the loss of communication with her two children and 5 grandchildren. She did attempt suicide but luckily enough was unsuccessful.

She doesn't make friends easily nor confide in them at all - except myself - if I may so - she has been there for me too.

It is hard but you just have to ride the storm but do confide in one person at least. Even on here you have loads of help. x

But she made a big effort just this past 3 weeks and managed to get all 7 of them off to Spain for a holiday. I haven't spoke to her yet but know she'll be ok.

[ducksie]

Rach, you have been given a lot of advice that you probably already know the answers to, like you can well walk the walk but not talk the talk,I don't know you no more than I know anyone else on this site, but I think from reading your post, your 'children' are now adults and relationships change, you come home from a demanding job I am guessing with no one to share it with, I don't know what you see in your work but maybe it's dragging you down too. I don't believe everything you touch turns to a pile of asterix', you're obviously helping someone, if you could hold onto that thought and think who went home today all the better for having being in touch with you.
No problem is so bad that it can't be solved, you have family, maybe some family mediation and someone else telling your son and daughter that you are not coping with the burden of feeling so isolated - how they are treating you, may make them sit up and think, there's loads of reasons to stay alive, young people today say YOLO, you only live once, but that's untrue, you live everyday, die once, it's final, so every day you live is a chance to change what's so wrong within, if you can't afford counselling from NHS - there is a great site (I know the Samaritans are there and other listening groups) but I know Moodgym - cbt it's an Australian site, it's very good and I know it was recommended to a friend of mine - she found it so useful when she couldn't afford private counselling, things always seem worst at night too, try have a warm drink, and settle yourself down to sleep if you can, and if you can't, why not look at least at the link I provide and maybe it may be just too obvious the answers and exercises for you, but at least it will distract you for a while
I'm sorry you're feeling so low - keep talking xx people do care
https://moodgym.com.au/

[sanmac]

Sometimes a pet, especially a dog, will bring meaning to your life, Rach2008. You will love it and the animal will return your love even more. The dog needs you and depends upon you, and after a while you will feel the same way. And a wonderful and meaningful relationship will develop which could make life really worth living for.

[jakep]

I made a very serious attempt on my life. I, obviously, did not succeed. The reactions of the very few people I love answered your question

[Old_Geezer]

Asking yourself the wrong question. Ask why you should, not shouldn't, and see how inadequate any answers are. You know this is a state of mind and not reality since you've lived in the same world yet experienced highs previously. Ride the downs and know the better times will cycle around again. Helping others is a fine thing to do but isn't the only thing anyone is about. You are important too, and if your family can't reciprocate your love to them then don't make it a burden for yourself. Let them be, and go seek what you feel is worthwhile. Find friends who will appreciate you for you.

[Markloveslisa]

Rach! Our hearts go out to you. Everybody has given fantastic advise, you have to understand that you won't always feel this way... You will one day smile again. You do have worth. Are you on medication, sometimes it may not suit you... My step daughter is bipolar and she gets days like these but comes through the other side. It's all a matter of perspective, I've seen homeless people happier than rich folk.suicidal tendencies has no boundary and nobody is immune. Keep talking to AB.. There are people who can help you. God bless

[Markloveslisa]

Christ!! This is upsetting.

[jennyjoan]

////Sometimes a pet, especially a dog, will bring meaning to your life, Rach2008. You will love it and the animal will return your love even more. The dog needs you and depends upon you, and after a while you will feel the same way//

The most wonderful relationship I have ever had in my life. He gives me the reason to live.