Is "friends" Enough?

[Scarlett]

Another of my 'please help me understand life' questions. Someone I know has been in a relationship for seven years, although he always denied it was anything other than sex. He confided in me that he didn't think she was that pretty, and the relationship seemed to be mostly her pushing him to meet up/commit/be her boyfriend. Now however, he has agreed to be her boyfriend. He says he loves her, but is not 'in love' with her. He says they are really good friends. My concern is that he has been brow-beaten by her, and has finally given in. My gut feeling is that she will end up disappointed when he finally meets the love of his life.
My question is this: Is friends enough? They are still both very young (she was 16 when they got together, he 23). To be in a long term permanent relationship, do you need to be "in love" or is just loving the person as a friend enough?

[rowanwitch]

How about because it is unkind, it doesnt sound like he has any real respect for her. He is paying for her services by giving her the illusion of a relationship that would appear to be ultimately unsustainable.
Some one you love can be your best friend, but real friendship does not depend on a lie. He probably does care for her but I dont think in this case it will be enough to build a lasting relationship and maybe even a family because I suspect she will soon want that as well

[Sqad]

rowan....yeah! right. ^^^^^^

[Scarlett]

Apologies - my phone appears to be making up words for me.

[woofgang]

I am not saying that you shouldn't ask the question.....just saying that what suits your friend may not suit you and trying to understand someone's else's relationship is a bit of a lost cause....even more so if you think that your relationship should or should not be the same. One of the commonest comments you here when other people's relationships are being discussed is "I can't see what she/he sees in him/her"

One of the best comments on relationships that I have ever read is short and simple "The heart wants what it wants" .....I would add (and am sure that Sqad would agree with me) that in some circumstances, other parts of the body want what they want too!

[woofgang]

I meant of course "you hear" and not "you here"

[Sqad]

LOL.....^^^......certainly form a man's point of view.

[Scarlett]

Woofgang- then please write that without accusing me of being judgemental. Its uncalled for and just makes me not want to ask anything.

[woofgang]

well except (and you may not have meant it) I think that what you wrote is judgemental.
"My concern is that he has been brow-beaten by her, and has finally given in. My gut feeling is that she will end up disappointed when he finally meets the love of his life. "
"browbeat" and "given in" are judgemental words IMO

[andy-hughes]

I think part of growing up is learning what suits you, and the accepting that it might not suit everyone else.

You are - quite reasonably - looking at this relationship from your own perspective, and that may be, and it sound like it is, completely different from that of the people involved.

Life is about taking what comes along, accepting what you want, and steering round what you don't want, and as I said, accepting that what other people want is often different, but none the worse for that.

[ummmm]

Sqad...not all mens point of view!!!