Feeling Hopeless Tonight

[silliemillie]

My hospital tests were not good news, my Myeloma is back with a vengeance and I will have to have chemo in the next few weeks or so.

I could cope with this, I've done it before, but with my current domestic situation I'm just feeling like everything is hopeless.

As many of you know, I am now caring for my Mum who's almost 82. But theres nothing wrong with her now! She had that fall in December but wil now not let me leave the house without her, she point blank refuses to be left alone.

How am I going to get my treatment? They are estimating 3-4 days a week. I really don't think want her coming with me as she's very difficult and rude, I just let it go over my head as I'm used to her but I'm not having her embarrass me at the hospital.

I can't get anyone to sit sit with her for 3-4 days as she's alienated most of the family with her difficulty ways and rudeness, I'm in despair!

[Mamyalynne]

Is it possible that someone at the Chemo Suite could guide you towards help? Try contacting them.

You simply cannot miss this treatment Millie.x

[Cloverjo]

You really need to speak to Social Services. Preferably at the hospital where you'll be treated.
They'll need to sort something out for care for her while you're being treated. She needs to understand that you can't help her while you need help yourself.

[jno]

can McMillan Cancer Support help with this kind of problem?

[anneasquith]

I'm sorry millie, you sound so distraught. Your treatment is paramount. Contact social work department/ age UK tomorrow. Do not be fobbed off you require assistance now.

[anneasquith]

Yes jno. Good idea.

[gness]

Oh lord, Millie.....doesn't this put things into perspective.

I coped with a dying husband and caring for a mum with dementia but your situation is different....it's you and you do need to put you first in this awful situation.

I don't know if they can help at all but is it worth contacting AgeUK to see if they can help with sitting with Mum? Maybe even a new person to listen to her woes will satisfy her. But for heaven's sake please do what is best for you just now....Gx

[silliemillie]

For example, my cousin was visiting us the other day and mid conversation Mum got her book out! When I asked her later why she did that she just shrugged and said she was bored.

I know it might sound like I'm slating a little old lady, but believe me she's not, she is the most selfish person I've ever met.

We have a carpet coming in a couple of weeks and when she heard I was going to be having treatment, her first thought was "you had better not have treatment that day as I'm not dealing with the carpet man, you ordered it!

What sort of Mother says that?

I really don't know how I'm going to do it this time, last time, I had a job, good friends, good social life and I refused to let the Cancer beat me, but this time I'm not strong, all my fight is gone.

[silliemillie]

Thanks for your support, I will take up some of those suggestions, I just needed to offload.

[hazydaisy]

How is she going to stop you from leaving the house apart from emotional blackmail?
Go get your treatment

[Cloverjo]

Has she always been selfish, Millie? Or is just that her personality has changed with age and possibly dementia?

[Ellipsis]

You are no longer able to care for your mum. She needs to go into a care home. It's tough but there it is. Get your family to help. They may not like her but this isn't just about her, it's about you, and they owe it to you to help you sort her care out.

[anneasquith]

Do you believe she is well enough to be on her own when you are having treatment ?

[silliemillie]

Oh don't worry, I'm definitely going for the treatment, I have to, I know she can't actually stop me going out but she crys and says stuff like "don't expect me to be here when you get back as I'm going to take all my tablets"

Clover, yes she's alway been selfish but it's got a lot worse lately.

[goodgoalie]

It's made me sad reading this, millie, I wish you well.
You say there's nothing wrong with your mother, so please just go and get the treatment you need, and she'll just have to be made to realise that her daughter needs to get well again. Ask her if she wants that for you!

[anneasquith]

She sounds a selfish old devil. Try not to worry. Good luck with your treatment .

[silliemillie]

Ann, yes she can look after herself there nothing physically wrong with her, she just had a fall in December and since then is scared to be left alone,

GG
I think she is more worried about what will happen her than what's going to happen to me.

[silliemillie]

Yes Anne that's the polite way of putting it!!

I love her, of course, but very rarely like her, if you know what I mean.

[tinkerbell23]

Hi!

So sorry to read you are having a tough time- I am a Macmillan nurse and I would urge you to give Macmillan a call! Do you have a nurse specialist you could contact? Are there volunteer drivers that could help you to your appointments?

X

[anneasquith]

Give her a telephone with a list of emergency numbers, make her a cup of
tea. Then go get your treatment. Develop selective hearing. :-) best wishes .

[Mamyalynne]

It sounds like you'll have to play hardball right back at her, tell her if you don't get treatment she may be on her own for a lot longer than 3-4 days.

Anytime you need to vent, there's always someone here.