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Relationship With My Mum Feels Like It Changing :(
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Things feel different and I’m not sure why . we have such differing opinions and we are just very different people and I feel like a rift is growing.
She went through a cancer scare this past year and has now got the all clear .it was very difficult going through the chemotherapy and the side effects and at the time I felt like if I didn’t check on her every day she would be suffering a side effect and it would go on for days before she took action to get help.
I was on the phone to her every day especially on the days when she was actually having any treatment /procedures for advice or to listen.
In the meantime my brother was being true to type and just not bothering for weeks on end even when he knew it was a chemo day and it was upsetting my mum so much .
But occasionally he makes the effort and rings her and it’s like he’s the perfect son. He asked her for the first time ever in nearly 50 years what she would like for Christmas and she was over the moon. I’m there every birthday ,mum & Father’s Day , buying nice cards and pressies ,for them have them over for Christmas Day to us . Arrange holidays with them , finding the holiday and sorting it all out for everyone . Invite them to things like firework night.
And I wonder why I bother . It feels like it’s not even appreciated . We was away on holiday with them in the summer just before my birthday and my mum in law turned up at the start of the hol with a gift and card for me . How lovely . My mum a few days later towards the end of the holiday Handed me a £10 note to go towards a top I had bought earlier that day . She hadn’t even got me a card . I was so upset at the lack of effort .it wasnt due to lack of opportunity as we’d been out and about every day during our holiday near card shops etc . Last year she completely forgot my birthday til she spotted it on Facebook which was very upsetting too.
My mum and dad had an anniversary party in september and my mum was called to give a speech . She thanked me and Tony for being her son and daughter and then she thanked her friends so much for everything they’d done for her during the difficult past months . :( like I hadn’t been there too . When she was well in 2017 and again now her and my dad go off on lots of trips and doing lots meals out etc and it’s like she can’t even spare time for us . She never ever rings me , it would go weeks if I didn’t ring her .
I’ve asked her if they are coming to us for Christmas (which is tradition for a lot of years usually our house and occasionally at their house-i know my son is getting older now aged 12 but they always see him on Christmas Day) and she stumbled and said ‘oh I don’t know at the moment as we’ve had a couple of other offers ‘ :(which took me by surprise and so I’ve left it with her . We had a conversation about my mum in law coming for Christmas with her new boyfriend and my mum went off about whether they were stopping the night and how some people would feel odd about that as it’s a new relationship . I said well I suppose but they’re not kids they are 65 and 75. What she thinks they are going to get up to i’ve no idea . I just don’t know where she’s coming from . That’s the sort of conversation I end up having with her and it drive me nuts . We also had one about my 12yr old son and my 12yr old niece sleeping in the same room on separate camp beds for just one night . And my mum thought it was a shocking idea . :/ she made feel stupid for even suggesting it . :/
She went through a cancer scare this past year and has now got the all clear .it was very difficult going through the chemotherapy and the side effects and at the time I felt like if I didn’t check on her every day she would be suffering a side effect and it would go on for days before she took action to get help.
I was on the phone to her every day especially on the days when she was actually having any treatment /procedures for advice or to listen.
In the meantime my brother was being true to type and just not bothering for weeks on end even when he knew it was a chemo day and it was upsetting my mum so much .
But occasionally he makes the effort and rings her and it’s like he’s the perfect son. He asked her for the first time ever in nearly 50 years what she would like for Christmas and she was over the moon. I’m there every birthday ,mum & Father’s Day , buying nice cards and pressies ,for them have them over for Christmas Day to us . Arrange holidays with them , finding the holiday and sorting it all out for everyone . Invite them to things like firework night.
And I wonder why I bother . It feels like it’s not even appreciated . We was away on holiday with them in the summer just before my birthday and my mum in law turned up at the start of the hol with a gift and card for me . How lovely . My mum a few days later towards the end of the holiday Handed me a £10 note to go towards a top I had bought earlier that day . She hadn’t even got me a card . I was so upset at the lack of effort .it wasnt due to lack of opportunity as we’d been out and about every day during our holiday near card shops etc . Last year she completely forgot my birthday til she spotted it on Facebook which was very upsetting too.
My mum and dad had an anniversary party in september and my mum was called to give a speech . She thanked me and Tony for being her son and daughter and then she thanked her friends so much for everything they’d done for her during the difficult past months . :( like I hadn’t been there too . When she was well in 2017 and again now her and my dad go off on lots of trips and doing lots meals out etc and it’s like she can’t even spare time for us . She never ever rings me , it would go weeks if I didn’t ring her .
I’ve asked her if they are coming to us for Christmas (which is tradition for a lot of years usually our house and occasionally at their house-i know my son is getting older now aged 12 but they always see him on Christmas Day) and she stumbled and said ‘oh I don’t know at the moment as we’ve had a couple of other offers ‘ :(which took me by surprise and so I’ve left it with her . We had a conversation about my mum in law coming for Christmas with her new boyfriend and my mum went off about whether they were stopping the night and how some people would feel odd about that as it’s a new relationship . I said well I suppose but they’re not kids they are 65 and 75. What she thinks they are going to get up to i’ve no idea . I just don’t know where she’s coming from . That’s the sort of conversation I end up having with her and it drive me nuts . We also had one about my 12yr old son and my 12yr old niece sleeping in the same room on separate camp beds for just one night . And my mum thought it was a shocking idea . :/ she made feel stupid for even suggesting it . :/
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Aargh ! It’s so frustrating dealing with my mum . I asked her to let me know about Christmas Day and I ended up having to ring her tonight to find out what their plans are and she told me her and my dad aren’t coming to us Christmas Day . She waffled a couple of excuses then eventually the crux of it that she feels my husband isn’t very nice to her . :( she even at one point said not to worry about it ...She’s going to her friends house and that her friend Joan is in the same situation that she doesn’t want to go to her daughters house so they’ve agreed between them to have a Christmas together . (The daughter in question is the daughter from hell by all accounts so being compared to her is so lovely of her and what a horrible way to put it)
I listed all the things my hubby has done for them and I told her I don’t understand where she’s coming from. Ie it’s him that does all the work with Christmas dinner and things like Mother’s Day dinner that she enjoys every year and work he’s done around their house . :( what an upsetting end to a tough year .
I listed all the things my hubby has done for them and I told her I don’t understand where she’s coming from. Ie it’s him that does all the work with Christmas dinner and things like Mother’s Day dinner that she enjoys every year and work he’s done around their house . :( what an upsetting end to a tough year .
I had problems with my mum. What ever I did was not right. What I wore was not good enough for me. If I had a skirt on she would say if I had legs like yours I would always wear trousers. If I had short sleeves she would say you would Suit long sleeves better.
If I had my hair cut he would say you suited it better long. She put me down on all aspects of my clothing, so much so I eventuallyrealised she was jealous. I was young and just starting my life and she was old.
But it stayed with me and I have no confidence in my appearance.
If I had my hair cut he would say you suited it better long. She put me down on all aspects of my clothing, so much so I eventuallyrealised she was jealous. I was young and just starting my life and she was old.
But it stayed with me and I have no confidence in my appearance.
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