Is It Wrong To Want Your Parents

[nailit]

To just die?

I spent 12 hours yesterday at the hospital with my mum as she had a suspected blood clot on her lungs...as if she hasn't enough to cope with. Blood tests, 1 hour on a drip, a CT scan and a further 6 hours on a drip (due to kidney problems). Been pulled from pillar to post, with a cancerous tumour in her arm (and cancer in her skull and ribs), all terminal and painful! Just to see if she is 'well' enough for chemo...which will basically poison her body that's dying anyway.
She's so ill today its just painful to watch.

What is this obsession about trying to keep people alive...albeit in pain...that are dying?
Its just madness that serves no-one. Neither them nor the relatives left behind.

Before anyone jumps in...yes, Ive had a drink. Im finding it difficult at the moment and I apologise in advance for any untowards comments made either last night or since, I don't cope well with things like this and lash out. Im sorry.

Just don't understand why the medical profession wont just admit that life ends rather than keep on trying to prolong the inevitable at the cost of causing suffering?

I don't want my mum to die but she must (as we all must) just don't want to see her in so much pain.

BTW Rock Rose, I know that you are in the same boat as me at the minute re: your Dad.
Your thoughts might be different from mine at this point but just want you to know that you have my empathy.

[Sqad]

Nailit....it is murder to take the life of a person and the terminal patient killed by the medical profession is no exception.
The relatives may ask you for euthanasia, but when it is administered,they may well change their minds and charge the doctor with murder.

[-Talbot-]

Not for the right reasons, no.

[woofgang]

No its not wrong to want a loved one to die....and I am quite surprised that the hospital hasn’t got your mum on decent palliative care. I hope her suffering ends very soon. We don’t put our beloved pets through this and I find it dreadful that its still done to humans unless they choose it.

[Tilly2]

No, it's not wrong. I prayed that my mum would die because of the agony she was in. I don't regret that for one minute.

[woofgang]

Sqad we who have worked in the nhs all know about the high dose morphine drip for pain relief of course.

[maggiebee]

I don't understand why the medical profession insist on keeping people alive at all costs when it is plain for all to see that the outcome won't be a good one. You are there for your mum nailit and there's not much more you can do except be strong for her sake. Try to get some rest, gird your loins and face another day.

[nailit]

Thanks Sqad. But my question was a rhetorical one maybe.
I 'know' that the medics cant take a life.
But it seems as though society has this thing preserving HUMAN life at all costs is tantamount.
For Gods sake we put suffering animals down out of compassion.

[nailit]

Sorry, too many replies that weren't there when I originally replied to Sqad

[Prudie]

Maybe in this case Nailit it's because they think chemo could help and giver her more time with reasonable quality. I've not experienced the medical profession throwing treatments at pointless cases. They'd go to end of life care.

[bednobs]

your mum is perfectly at liberty to refuse any treatment she doesn't want.
dont feel guilty, i don't think you really want her to die - you want her to be well!

[Mamyalynne]

Death means an end to pain, who wouldn't want that for one they love.

[Tilly2]

It is so hard to see someone you love, suffering. When the doctor rang me, to tell me that my mum had died, my words to him were, 'Oh. Thank God for that.'

[Theland]

Nailit - You are not wrong.
The hospital could with consent withdraw all treatment except pain relief. I think.
I am so sorry for you.
Don't blame you for lashing out.

[andy-hughes]

It may seem like semantics, but I think the point is important - I would feel like it was not that I wanted my mum to die, more that I didn't want her to live - and suffer - any more, which is an important difference.

I understand that the medical profession are bound to preserve life as long as possible, and that may seem cruel in circumstances like this, but there has to be a rule for everyone, to avoid someone having to draw a line where death is preferable, because everyone's situation is unique, and it's a slippery slope to go down, which is why the medical profession remain at the top of that slope, hard though that it for a lot of people, and their relatives, to bear.

[nailit]

//your mum is perfectly at liberty to refuse any treatment she doesn't want.//
my mum thinks that she may get better, at least for a time. She doesn't understand the horrors of chemo.

//dont feel guilty, i don't think you really want her to die - you want her to be well! //
I do bednobs. But I got to face reality. She isn't! She's dying.
Its killing me but that life.

[tamborine]

Am sorry youre in despair & sympathise with ur feelings. Your mum can request no resusitation. How old is ur mum? Is she ready to go? There are drugs for pain free & sleep to keep her comfortable. Stay with her as much as possible as these hours are precious comfort for you when the end comes, dont let your frustration mar this time. Good wishes to give you strength x

[Tilly2]

Nailit, when she's gone, she's gone and will not be in any more pain.
Have you been told that she's at 'end of life stage' ? If not, ask them what 's going on.

[Rockrose]

I want my daddy to live I want the hospital to treat the tumour not to say there is nothing they can do.
But the drs know best and I must put my trust that towards the end the drs will make him comfortable so he doesn’t feel any pain

[nailit]

Tambo, thanks
She's in denial, she takes sleepers and is on morphene etc, 86 yrs of age.

//Have you been told that she's at 'end of life stage' ?//
By one professional yes, by another, no. (although its obvious that she is)… There are some *** working in the NHS!

[Old_Geezer]

No it's not wrong, not when they are suffering. We help pets to go easily, with dignity; but are afraid to allow the same for humans in this country.

But hang on in there. Palliative care should ease things for those soon to go. Morphine usually helps.