I Need To Toughen Up But How?

[GymLadTim]

I was involved in an incident last weekend that has shaken me to my core and made me realise I need to grow a thicker skin but how – I care about people but fall apart when dealing with any conflict or verbal aggression?

I was walking in my hometown of Hanley last Saturday on one of the busiest shopping streets. I was horrified to see a man openly emptying his colostomy bag into a public drain – (one of the ones at the edge of a road). I thought don’t judge him Tim it may be a medical emergency. I went over to the man and asked if I could offer any support (very calmly and politely). I won’t repeat his reply but it was not pleasant. I explained (still calm and polite) and possibly illegal. The gentleman was very abusive calling me names that I won’t repeat. He then began to follow me shouting abuse and I ran away.

I went to my mom’s and explained what had happened. I then just burst into tears in my moms arms and I have been emotional about it since. A few weeks ago I was involved in a very similar incident in KFC. I heard a mom telling her son that he was her second favourite behind his brother. I said something and the whole thing escalated. My mom says I should that if there was not a good reason why he was doing this it was inappropriate, unacceptable mind my own business and my friend Kelly says I need to toughen up.

I’m 21 years old and soft like marshmallow inside but have a good heart. Has anyone else had to toughen up and how did you do it?

[Bobbisox1]

Purist I agree, I left the post for that very reason after asking myself why certain posts are subjected to an ulterior motive

[Purist]

He apologised for offending people here several times with this post.

[spathiphyllum]

Ummm, "You don't know them so you can't be sure at all."

[spathiphyllum]

GymLadTim, the reason you've found hostility on this thread is because half of the members are probably thinking "Oh ***, that was me last weekend emptying my colostomy bag in public outside greggs", that, or they can relate to the situation because they have their own colostomy bags.

I personally think emptying a colostomy bag in the street says two things. One, the person doing it is clearly not very good at planning, or foreseeing the future or knowing how full their bag is before having another drink. Two, they clearly have no shame.

If it was down a side alley, a shopping centre toilet, a restaurant toilet, a park or even out behind a bush somewhere, it'd be different to pulling over in the main high street, and pump and dumping literally in a road drain.

It is illegal to dump or discharge waste or pollution into storm drains (das wat dey are) so well done Tim.

Everyone on this thread is thinking of the poor guy who had to empty his bag... I think anyone emptying a P bag in the middle of the road is probably a drunk. Heck, the reaction Tim has described almost proves he was a drunk, if he had any shame he would have been mortified, not aggressive.

People have nit picked the words you've used in this thread Tim but if i was shopping with my mum, girlfriend or grandparents then i would be appalled to witness such a public display of in effect, urination.

[jim360]

Leaving aside the question of whether or not it's a good idea to approach a man emptying his colostomy bag, a better message than "keep your nose out of other people's business" would be something like "choose your battles carefully". As Andy says, strangers don't usually react well to their behaviour being criticised. But I'd put it in a slightly different way: "a-holes go all in on the a-holery". You have to expect that. So there's more or less a check-list to run through before you've even started to approach them:

1. Are they going to stop soon anyway?
2. Is it breaking the law/rules of the establishment I'm in?
3. Is it offending just me or are there more people going to be affected?
4. When they get abusive towards me, am I prepared to deal with that and stay calm?
5. Is there someone in a more established position of authority I can bring the matter to if/when it gets out of my hands?

Only if the answers are "No/Yes/Everybody/Yes/Yes" should you interfere. If not, better to either move on and forget it or just jump straight to the authority figure rather than be involved yourself.

[woofgang]

Spath, have you had or known well, someone with a new ostomy? Its a nightmare. You can plan till you are blue in the face, take all the advice, read up, research, follow all the rules and still horrendous disaster can and does strike, sometimes multiple times in a day....oh and if its a colostomy, its not urine....which makes me think that you don't know much about ostomies in general?

[anneasquith]

I agree, spath knows nothing about ostomies, he should safe his typing finger for a subject he is knowledgeable about . I fail to understand why this post is ongoing, it would appear the OP has gone .

[spathiphyllum]

Oh gosh, i must know in deep medical knowledge about a literal bag of *** to have an opinion about how humans interact?

My comment stands. And if it's not urine, it stands even harder.

[spathiphyllum]

Must happen an awful lot then, people emptying their waste bags into storm drains in the middle of the high street.

Oddly enough i've never seen it had to be done.

[Mamyalynne]

I hope you never have to see anyone enduring a crisis with an ostomy, it's upsetting for them and you if they are someone you love.

[spathiphyllum]

If i do i'd save them the public humiliation and take them to somewhere private. Even in the highstreet, there are always quiet alley ways (with drains) coming off of the main stretch that aren't nearly as busy.

[woofgang]

Spath having an ostomy at all is not a common thing and not every crisis is as easily averted as that poor man's was. You notice I call that solution "easy" Imagine how much worse the "difficult" solutions are. Honestly, you are talking rubbish and thoughtless and offensive rubbish at that.

[spathiphyllum]

Eh.. Obviously the man was fine if he had the energy and confidence to get aggressive and rude.

It's clatty regardless why he is emptying it emergency or not.

[spathiphyllum]

It's also illegal like the OP says.... But whatever.

[spathiphyllum]

"Honestly, you are talking rubbish and thoughtless and offensive rubbish at that."

The offensive rubbish that is being spouted isn't only coming from me.

[Mamyalynne]

Would you really Spath?

I'll have to leave this now.

[spathiphyllum]

Noo mamy.. i'd let my friends or family sit in the public highstreet the main street of the town / village and let them pour their feces down a drain in front of everyone, shopping, eating, and getting on with their day?

Of course i would take them somewhere more private, to a restaurant or public loo.

You only need to buy a beverage to get access to a toilet at a restaurant, or mcdonalds is free

[woofgang]

I am going to leave it too. No point in continuing.

[shaneystar2]

I know first hand what it's like for someone with a stoma bag. because my husband has one.Luckily the only messy accidents we've had have been indoors.Poor chap may have been taken short and had no other recourse to finding a toilet quickly.He was more than probably very embarrassed and someone asking to help probably didn't help at all which is why he kicked off. I know what my husband would say to someone if,god forbid ,he was ever in such a situation.He would be mortified enough without some do gooder adding to his predicament however well meaning they may be.

[spathiphyllum]

Fact is, if the same happened to me, and i had to urinate down a storm drain, i would be arrested even if i was not exposing myself.