F A O Sqad

[nailit]

Further to my Mums terminal bone cancer diagnosis earlier on this year...
She's recently had more tests (scans, x-rays and bloods). Had a phone call today off my sister who was at oncology with her. Cancer has now spread into her spine. Was told that she would begin to lose the use of her arms and legs. My sister asked the oncologist how long she had left to live and was told a few months at most.

1) If told by a professional ''a few months'' does that actually translate into a few weeks?
Ive had a few family members and acquaintances die with various cancers who have been told ''a few months'' when in reality it has been a few weeks (or even days). I appreciate that timing cant be exact.

2) My mum dreads the thought of going into a hospice (or hospital even) and...like my dad...wishes to end her life at home. If (when) her limbs give out, what care package (if any) could be put into place to ensure her dying wish?

If its anything to do with McMillan, forget it! They have been less than useless in THIS case.
More concerned initially whether she had been the toilet that day and then dismissed her.
Thanks.

[nailit]

What really gets me is that she still functions, albeit as an elderly person, as though nothing is wrong!
She's dying and yet still managed to walk my niece down the isle on her wedding day on the weekend just gone. She still wants to go Christmas shopping...knowing that she wont be here NEXT Christmas.

[pixie374]

The more she continues to live as she likes, the better... many people do carry on as if they will live forever, and that's fine.
As far as individuals go... I have worked with many fantastic MacMillan nurses. Sadly, there will always be a minority that are not trustworthy, but that isn't most of them, don't let a bad experience put you off xx

[nailit]

Cheers Clover.
I suppose McMillan are like everyone else...good and experienced and young and inexperienced...

[Patsy33]

Difficult times for you & family, nailit. I'm sure your GP, can advise your next steps regards your Mum. I hope her wishes are catered for and wish you and family love & strength. x

[emmie]

when my o/h was diagnosed with terminal cancer the doctor said 18 months, time enough to put one's affairs in order, but he died in 6 months. I can safely say the private consultant, the nurses were the pits. It was only the MacMillan nurse who we brought in at the end made it less unbearable.

[nailit]

Thank you horseshoes, will check it out thank you.

[emmie]

so sorry that you are all going through this, my thoughts are with you and your lovely mum

[divegirl]

MM were awful to my dad. We had amazing care from Hospice at home though so have to agree with the above poster

https://www.nahh.org.uk/about-hospice-care/what-is-hospice-at-home

[LadyCG]

She will be able to receive end of life care at home with Palliative care input from the local Macmillan team.

She should receive radiotherapy to spinal mets and she should already be on an MSCC pathway (metastatic spinal cord compression).

Hormone therapy is the best form of control for cancer in the bones, assuming she has a hormone receptor positive cancer.

Prognosis is probably less than a year.

Sorry for your bad news.

[nailit]

Thanks Patsy.
Asked the GP many times to refer mum on for an xray (refused)
Asked for second opinion (refused)
Ended up in A&E....Diagnosed with terminal cancer.
Might have been treatable if years earlier GP had agreed to an xray,

[nailit]

//She should receive radiotherapy to spinal mets and she should already be on an MSCC pathway (metastatic spinal cord compression)//

Thanks LCG
She is now booked in for Monday for the above,

[nailit]

Sorry, cant keep up with all posters but thanks for all imput.

[choux]

nailit, I was in a similar position to yours. The day the consultant told me my mother's cancer was terminal and had spread to her spine and brain I asked him how long she had left realistically. He didn't like being asked that question but eventually replied she had about 6 more months. In the event she died before 2 months were up.

It is hard to expect a definitive answer to such a question and I don't believe the doctors can be held to account specifically. I think it is very much a case of individuality concerning the patient and the rate of spread of the cancer.

My advice to anyone would be to act as quickly as they can to achieve anything of the patient's desires. Good luck and best wishes to you all.

[marval]

I am sorry to hear this Nailit, I can only wish you strength.

I hope you can get some help, my thoughts are with you all at this difficult time. xx

[pastafreak]

So sorry nailit. I can't offer any advice. All I can do is wish your mum peace and tranquillity from now on. I hope she can keep doing what she wants for as long as possible. xx

[Theland]

Very sorry mate.

[jennyjoan]

My mother was told she had 3 weeks left with her cancer and she died within 3 weeks.

[rowanwitch]

Most of what you have read is accurate, Marie curie will be a good contact once she is home. Dave had four care visits a day, plus the district nurses were brilliant. No community Macmillan but the hospice team visited once saw I had things covered and said to call if I needed them. You should get all the aids you need, hospital bed etc before she comes home plus pads, wipes and skincare products to manage any incontinence from the confidence service. A catheter and bag will be best for liquid and she probably won't eat much so poo isn't much of a problem. It's easier than you think when you love someone the strength comes.

[rowanwitch]

Continence service

[anneasquith]

This post highlights how impossible it is for medical staff to accurately predict when someone will die. It explains their reluctance to guess .