Dementia

[barry1010]

One of my relatives developed a form of dementia some years ago and has got worse to the point that his personality has completely changed.

I can't help but wonder if he is now showing his true self and has been able to supress his real personality for most of his life to fit in with society's idea of 'normal and proper' behaviour.

Any thoughts on this would be most welcome

[Peter Pedant]

sounds like - - fronto temporal atrophy - and from the disease / dementia point of view
you knuckle under and cope and it is a long haul - oh and no remission for good behaviour, you not them


( I thought you were talking about a cousin of mine) - it is a ten year suck. They arent left with children because they watch as one tries to flush the other darn da bog....you just cope. )

sorry

[Khandro]

No, no & no again. The most sweetest person can become quite nasty & even violent, as I've witnessed it in a dear friend.

[naomi24]

No, it isn’t his ‘true self’. He hasn’t been leading a double life. These terrible diseases can have a devastating effect on the sufferer and the carers. Whatever he does, be patient. It isn’t the real him.

[barry1010]

Khandro, it is horrible to witness. My relative has become very nasty, too, and sometimes lashes out.

I do hope you are right.

[Hopkirk]

To a certain extent we all hide our true personalities.

No doubt you yourself have thoughts that you wouldn't dream of saying out loud. Manners and a consideration for people's feelings prevent it.

That also goes some way to explain the vile stuff that comes out on social media, when people think they are anonymous.

Just because the dementia has allowed a different character to show doesn't mean your relative is very different to what you thought. It's just that his filters have gone.

[barry1010]

Thanks, too, Naomi. I suppose I was thinking of the saying about people revealing their true self when they are very drunk and become nasty. I don't know if that is true, either

[Peter Pedant]

oh - was he always like that but put on a good show?

no I think they always lose and never gain - their real self....no I think it is all dis-inhibition - like alcohol and drunken behaviour.

[Milo2]

I don’t think so. My grandfather had dementia and his personality also changed completely. He was the kindest of men, a real gentleman who was the best grandfather I could wish for. He became aggressive and paranoid. This wasn’t his real personality that he had suppressed. It would also have taken too much effort to do this over his 70+ years.

[Canary42]

It's a terrible affliction. My sister-in-law has it and basically the lovely girl we knew and loved is dead - it's awful.

[barry1010]

I feel for my relatives that are living with him and dealing with him every day, the time has come when he will have to go in to a home and that will be a very sad day.

[ummmm]

No. I helped look after my nan who had dementia. She was a beautiful person my whole life but when it got bad she'd have bad days. Mainly when she looked in the mirror. She thought she was 40 and then seeing an 80 year olds face upset her.

She punched another resident and started to steal things.

[Sqad]

I'm not an expert barry, but I believe that personality change is common in most forms of dementia and also other diseases, particularly in the later stages.
Whether the problem lies in the fronto-temporal region, I have no idea.

[barry1010]

Milo and Canary, I feel for you and everyone who has had loved ones suffer this dreadful disease.

[barry1010]

Thanks, too, Sqad.

[naomi24]

Hopkirk, I don’t think that’s true. These diseases change the sufferer’s perspective. One I know became violent when he saw his own reflection which he didn’t recognise. He thought there was an intruder in the house. He also stopped recognising his wife of about 50 years and was violent towards her because he assumed she was an intruder too. He was terrified - and his fear was a pity to witness.
Nothing would placate him. The only way to treat sufferers is with kindness and patience. No point in trying to work out what’s going on in their minds. We’ll never know.

[bednobs]

my lovely mother in law had picks disease, a form of dementia that completely changed her personality. I don't believe she'd been hiding for 70 years the awful behaviours she exhibited towards the end - the disease gave them to her

[carolegif]

My mother had Altzeimers. Completely changed her personality. She became aggressive and difficult. Then her whole personality was sucked out of her. Terrible disease. I always remember some good advice her doctors gave me when she had a really bad day with the hallucinations etc. He said “What she sees and feels is her reality, it is not yours, but if she says she sees someone then she can actually see them and you should go along with it”. Really helped me cope.

[naomi24]

Absolutely right, Carole. What they perceive is their reality and you should go along with it.

[roopower]

It's all part of the disease, my mum was the sweetest, kindest lady but towards the end of her life she had episodes of being nasty, awkward and unkind. She would have been mortified if she'd known. Another maiden lady, extremely prim and proper became a menace to any man that came in reach, she pinned the handyman against the wall, so sad.

[woofgang]

From my experience of treating people with stroke and dementia, its not their true selves that are revealed, rather a disinhibition of behaviour. They may have always found the next door neighbour irritating but now they will tell them so or if something annoys them, instead of stopping at words, they will attack or throw things.

I did treat one lady who, we believed had had a TIA (transient ischaemic attack)...kind of a temporary stroke. She had been admitted through A and E...a concerned neighbour had called the police when her milk was left on her doorstep (this was mid 70's) and she had been found collapsed with typical one sided weakness. When I met her she was perfectly well and fit...a friendly outgoing chatty old lady....Then her vicar visited and asked privately if mrs xxx was ok. We couldn't tell him stuff of course but he could tell us stuff so I asked why and he said all the time she had known her, she had been very quiet and withdrawn. A regular churchgoer who never stopped for coffee after the service or said any more than good morning to any of the congregation. When I took her on a home visit, the neighbour who had called the police dropped in and was greeted cheerfully and offered tea which mrs xxx made herself. It was a very pleasant if unecessary assessment. Then as we left the neighbour made the same comment about how changed mrs xxx was. She went home and as she was perfectly fit, we passed monitoring her health back to the GP and I never heard of her again. All we could conclude back at the hospital was that the stroke had disinhibited her, only on her case it had made her more outgoing and social.