relationships

[ref43]

my boyfriend & i have known each other for 3 years, we've been together for 2 1/2 years. we have been living together for 1 1/2 yrs. i thought i really found "the one!" i'm NOT so sure anymore. lately he has been calling into work sick when he isn't (b/c he doesn't care for this new boss he just got back; his old one went back to carrying mail), drinking beer every night for the past 8 days, and playing his little war video games every day & night for the past 8 days. he also took me to his work christmas party; he may as well had NOT taken me! it was like i was a flower on the wall; he wouldn't talk to me! he just liked talking to everyone else & being the center of attention. so i made small talk with other people around me. this has really been getting to me lately!! he won't even spend any time w/me. i don't know what to do??? any suggestions?????? i've been over to his mother's & had dinner..... no one seems to understand the problem & why i am mad at him. i am a nursing school student trying to make it through & he is really starting to get to me!! am i overreacting???? help!??!! what should i do?????

[littlemissx]

have you tried telling him how you feel???

[jno]

and asking him how he feels? It does seem possible he may be going off you, even if he hasn't realised it himself yet. Talking (preferably when sober) might help clear the air. But try to be prepared for the possibility that you might not like what you hear.

(No, you aren't overreacting.)

[Scarlett]

You need to spell it out to him how you feel.

He may be going through some kind of a depression- not enjoying work anymore, and therefore closing himself off and ploughing his energies into computer games. He may be distancing himself from you as he isn't ready to talk about his feelings.

Even so, this does not excuse the way he treated you at the party. That is just plain rude. You need to tell him how you feel, and you need to ask him how he feels. And if he says there is nothing wrong, then he is just being selfish and ignorant, and maybe you are better off without him.

[Supernick]

The key to any relationship is having open and honest lines of communication. When i get miserable with my job I tend to just clam up and watch TV etc rather than get angry and start shouting. It sounds like he's a bit unhappy at the moment, and you're obviously unhappy as well, so bottom line is that you need to discuss it with him, and see if you can work it out.

I have to say, I would feel a bit betrayed if my girlfriend was discussing our relationship with my mother behind my back without bringing it up with me first. On the other hand it's rude to treat you the way he did at the Xmas do. You do need to chat though, and hopefully you can work it all out.

[ref43]

Thanks for your replys!

I've told him how I feel face to face; as a matter of fact two different days this week b/c I've ended up crying b/c I'm so upset w/the way things are. I talked to him about the party the night I got home & the next day. Both times I've talked to him he has been sober; he still blows me off & tells me he did NO wrong whatsoever. So after he did that to me, we went to him mom's & had dinner 3 days later. He was & is still acting this way. I have no idea what to do!!??!

[Scarlett]

Also, it is interesting that you have been together for as long as you have. You moved in after a year- when everything is peachy. I think after 2-3 years you KNOW what you have got in your relationship.It takes that long to relax completely in each other's company. I think maybe what you have here, is just the truth. This is what he is like. No holds barred.

If he honestly won't make any effort to be nice to you, and refuses to hear your point of view, why not just suggest a seperation? See what he says. If he leaps at the chance then you have your answer. You need to make him appreciate you, and sometimes distance is the best way to do this.

[Dreaming]

Hi ref.........Your situation sounds very similar to my (recently finished relationship) in parts. Although we didnt live together, we had been together for over 3 years. The crying bit, and wanting him to listen or at least tell you what was wrong. I could totally see what you mean. And I hate to type out on a pc that you should just end the relationship, as it sounds so cold. And especially from someone you have never met. But I do think you should try again to talk to him, tell him how you are feeling, if he still doesnt respond to you, then maybe its time for you and him to part. It wears you down emotionally if not. Try and be a strong person. I wish you lots of luck x