my bf doesnt like me being happy at work

[mizuislife]

I had been unemployed for a really long time. My bf used to get on my case a lot for this. Well I finally got a job a ta large department store that is a Union. The last time I talked to him I told him how happy I was and that everyone was really nice. He didnt sound happy at all for me and even made a sarcastic remark. He has a well paying job. We don't live together and I have my own place. I don't understand, woudnt he be happy for me that I'm making my own money? Is it possible he's jealous of my happiness at work? He has a crazy scheldule at his job. He's also pretty possesive, maybe he thinks I'll meet a guy. Does anyone have any insight to his behavior?

[El D]

Ask him, not us.

[AliFlump]

He may well be jealous of your new job and how happy your are and yes he should be happy that you are making your own money.

Have you talked to him about this? There may be a reason he feels like this, tell him how you feel and ask him why he's not being suppportive of you

[funnywebsite]

He doesn't know what he wants. First he tells you to get a job, now you have a job he thinks his job is far more superior to yours.

He might bring you misery in the future. Be careful of moving in together. Stay in your own place because he sounds like he is not ideal soul mate material.

[Englishbird]

My ex, although hugely outwardly confident, was very insecure and hated any change in my life. Also hated me going out on my own.

He doesn't like to think that you can have fun without him, he's probably worried that you're having a laugh and will be working with men as well as women. The danger is that you start feeling guilty that you're enjoying yourself, which is a recipe for disaster as you will become more and more miserable.

As you would want a man to do if you felt insecure, reassure him that you love him and want to be with him. He will also have liked the fact that he has been looking after you while you were out of work, if you are financially independant he will be worried that you don't need him around. Make it clear (if this is the truth) that you need him for all sorts of things, and that you're so pleased you have your own money, because it means you can treat him to things or take him out for dinner.

It is only his insecurity that is making him feel like this, please don't take that on board as your problem (that's what i did) I lost my life because of it, and as a result our relationship failed because i was so miserable. He needs to understand that getting a new job isn't going to take you away from him, but if he persists in putting you down, then that just might.

[Englishbird]

El D - why bother answering at all if you feel like that?

[Neen]

It sounds like he is really jealous, my ex was the same, he hated that i had my own life and would say sarcastic comments when I was telling him about my day. He would make me feel guilty and that I was in the wrong if I made friends with a male colleague. He would also cause massive arguements if i wanted to go out with my friends and not him. I no its hard but I think its best to finish it. I ended it with my boyfriend at the begining of the year after 3 yearsof being with him and have since met a lovely boyfriend who has made me wonder why I wasted all that time with my ex. Life is to short to be with someone who makes you feel rubbish, get out there and meet someone who will respect you not put you down.

[WendyS]

Hmmm. Maybe if he's possessive he's not too happy about you suddenly getting a life of your own and some private space he's not a part of. That may well stem from his own insecurity, but you can't let that ruin your own life. Try to reassure him that you still want to be with him but need some space and activity to fulfil your own needs as an indidual. If he really can't accept that I think you should take a long hard look at this relationship. It may not work for you in the longer term. Possessiveness can be absolutely stifling and gradually you will find yourself giving up all your individuality to appease him until you don't have any life of your own left. Unless you can resolve these issues, I'd be inclined to ease your way out of this relationship. Whatever you do, don't give up your own home & independence until you're 100% certain in your own mind it will work.

[El D]

Rather than engage in pointless speculation I actually directed her in the direction of the only person in the whole world who can actually answer her question properly. Craaaazzy . . . Your comments are noted.