And There's More

[Rondy]

I used to date a girl with a wooden leg, But I had to Break it off.

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I can only sleep on stacks of old magazines.
I've got back issues.

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Just received an email on how to read maps backwards.Its spam.

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A magician comes up to our table and does a card trick.
Impressed, I asked him how he did it.
He says "I can tell you, but I'd then have to kidnap you and take you away."
I said, "Can you tell my mother-in-law how it's done then?"

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My mate Dave moved house last week. I asked him why he'd moved.
He said: "I read that most car accidents happen within two miles of your home, so I moved five miles away."

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Does anyone know where I can get fresh ice cubes?
I don't want any of those frozen ones.

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Told my mum I was opening a theatre. She said "are you having me on".
I said " wasn't planning to, but, I'll give you an audition if you like".

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Charlie Sheen is American, Michael Sheen is British and Mr Sheen is Polish.

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HMS Victory , Portsmouth
TOUR GUIDE: "This plaque on the deck is the exact spot where Nelson fell."
ME: "I'm not surprised, I nearly tripped over the damn thing myself."

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