Do I Need To Be Ashamed Of Myself?

[abbeylee90]

feel really down st times as I am 32 still living at home and no full time job.

Do I need to be ashamed of myself just feel like I'm on my own.

[abbeylee90]

So I've sent mv cv to a careers advisor.

Without a socail life I'd be down even more.

[Canary42]

Abbey, you really need professional help/counselling about your low self-esteem.  You keep beating yourself up about the most unimportant things. 

And you've not got anything to be ashamed of in my opinion.

P.S. I was 32 when I left home.

[Neveracrossword]

Abbey, you've asked before about feeling down, about depression etc - did none of the previous advice help at all? I know the advice on jobs is not always received well and i think people here might be running out of ideas on how to encourage you, how to get you to face things as they are and so on.

NB Lots of 32-year-olds are still on their own.

[abbeylee90]

Thanks canary 

[abbeylee90]

Neva in what way on thier own?

[Neveracrossword]

Sorry, Abbey, I meant 'on their own, without a partner' - that seemed to be a very big concern of yours (and probably came straight into my mind as you told us about the guy you saw last night, ruled out as he didn't want more children...)

[calmck]

There is nothing wrong with being by yourself. You have your parents but you must start being truthful with them. You also need to grow up and be an adult, no more drunken nights out. Stop worrying about girlfriends and boy friends. Decide if you want temporary or permanent employment and find the appropriate agency for this. Be realistic in what you can and cannot do re work. Write a good CV, do some charity work. Start making your own decisions re what to wear and what to eat or do. Only you can help yourself

[Bazile]

We are told that this poster is genuine , so must accept that .

So much advice has  been given to Abbey that it must be hard for her to assimilate and process it .

Perhaps it would be better for her if folk on here could perhaps stop repeating the same advice over and over and hope she thinks about the advice already given 

 

[calmck]

You also have to decide what sort of social life you want. Getting drunk every time you go out is not the best idea. What interests do you have, check your local Community Centre or local college to see if there are any classes you could join such as arts and crafts, reading or writing group, needlework or sewing group, charity work, visiting the elderly who are alone or in hospital. You need to expand your social circle

[smurfchops]

Abby you were 31 on your last post about 15 minutes ago.  Suddenly you are 32.  Please read your posts before submitting so they will hopefully make more sense, you have been asked this numerous times.  

[curlyfries81]

Your social life and irresponsibility with finances and work are compounding your problem. Has it occurred to you that unless you take the bull by the horns and sort your life out now that you will still be in this situation in 10, 15 and even 20 years' time.

As things are, with you living at home, not holding down a stable job, being "skint" all the time despite having an ever-increasing wardrobe and regular bottomless brunches and not driving you are not really an attractive prospect to any decent potential partner. You will only ever attract the dross and the losers or those who just want one thing. 

Success is what gives us our confidence and you will only succeed when you accept that the important things in life are not going to just land in your lap and you make the effort to achieve them. This will involve sacrifice. If you refuse to make those sacrifices, how do you think you will get out of this situation?

In the months I have been reading through your posts I have seen you receive excellent advice time and time again, yet you ignore that advice and carry on regardless. 

I'm sorry to be so blunt but you're not getting any younger and there's no point beating around the bush. I'm sorry to say that you are the problem and you must be the solution.

I really do hope you can turn your life around. A good place to start would be by making your own decisions and choices and thinking about where you want to be this time next year and what it will take to achieve that goal. 

Good luck, Abbeylee90. I would love for you to come back in a few months' time and tell us how well you are doing. 

[abbeylee90]

Curlyfries so you mean giving up these brunches etc?

I know I could be in a worse situation but want to be in a better one.

[Neveracrossword]

Abbey,the only one who can get you in a better situation is YOU. I'm sure you realise that you can't go on like this for ever - just waiting for your life to improve without you doing whatever is necessary to make that happen. You've had loads of advice about jobs and have dismissed most of it, or carried on with your interpretation of why things haven't worked out for you...

[curlyfries81]

Yes, your social life should take a backseat whilst you sort your life out. The best advice anyone could give you is to work hard at your job, save money, learn to drive and be ready to go with something to "bring to the table" when the right man comes along.  

One day surely you'll want to start a life and a family with someone, get a mortgage and make a future for yourself but you will have to work and save hard to make that happen. Bottomless brunches are not worth wasting your money on. 

[abbeylee90]

Neva I can't drive wtm

[abbeylee90]

*at the moment

[curlyfries81]

So why not plough the money you spend on your social life into learning to drive and getting yourself a car? 

I think you give up on things too easily. You really need to work hard at life because you won't achieve anything if you don't put the effort it.

[Neveracrossword]

Abbey, I think you're confused - I haven't mentioned driving.

[newmodarmy]

I don't think Neveracrossword (if that's who you mean by Neva) has mentioned driving in this thread.

[jourdain2]

curlyfries - Abbey sometimes has fits, it might be dificult for her to get a licence.

Abbey, about this time last year we were saying you should concentrate on sorting-out your working life. The advice is the same.  At the same time - change your social life drastically, as has been suggested before.