how long does it take to get over someone

[ems27]

we went out for 5 months (it was pretty intense). I fell in love badly and he broke my heart, blah, balh, blah. We split up at xmas and there is no going back but i'm still feeling as wretched. I go out all the time with friends who have been so supportive and am generally quite positive and happy day to day. i even managed a couple of flings which were a nice distraction. However, inside i'm miserable and the hurt won't go away. I can't believe i've let this short relationship affect me so much. has anyone got any advice on what i can do or how long this will last ? I want to get over that stupid boy.

[tradey]

sorry to hear that,if it was real love then it will take forever,if its your first love you will never forget but in time will get over it,at the end of the dy theres always someone out there

[andy-hughes]

Sorry to hear you are so hurt ems27.

There are no set timescales for getting over love - any more than there are timescales for falling in love in the first place!

Obviously this has hurt you badly, and, sad to say, there is no cure but time. Time is a gfreat healer, as the saying goes, but who ever coined the phrase forgot to mention how much times these things can take!

It seems impossible now, but you will get over this, or at least get used to it, and assimilate the experience into your life. All you can do is be nice to yourself. Go with your feelings, and don't fight them. If you feel really ad, and you don;t have a friend to confide in at that precise time, call The Samaritans, they are excellent listeners, 24 / 7 / 365 and it helps to articulate your feelings out loud.

It will pass - just the same as these cold winter days will turn warm again, it will happen, but maybe not just yet.

Come back to us here any time - there are plenty of people who have gone through this who will help you,

[moon_unit]

I agree with tradey that u wont forget ur 1st love,but u will get over it. iv had 3 guys, 1st 1 i loved, 2nd 1 i didnt love,but it was good, 3rd one i love and am still feeling hurt, so i knw how u feel. i think i stopped loving the 1st 1 wen i fell for the 3rd one. i feel wretched still too,cos he's got a new girl and may marry her! that obviously makes me feel like absolute poo,like i wasnt good enough. It'll take a big and concious effort to stop the hurting. u have to make urself think about it,to 'grieve' the loss,then ur ready to forget him. I tried lastnight to make myself think of him/the situation,but my brain wudnt let me. and wen he does pop into my mind, i hate the feeling and want to bury it. but u have to do it,then u must think about all th reasons why you can do better! think about wat kinda life u wuda had,wud u of been truley happy? i wudnt of,cos he's extremely flirty,money orientated,sometimes selfish etc. think of the bad points,but dont hate him cos anger is a horrid feeling to feel also. i kinda feel sorry for his new girl if she's prepared 2 put up with all that(i hope she flirts with others too so he knows how it feels!)..but wen im feeling down i think how lucky she is to have him,and wat does she offer that he cudnt get from me? cos i know i did everything i could of to make him happy.. just try not to think about the depressing bits and stuff thats gna kill ur self esteem. hope u get over it soon. im 22 with not alot of experience,but i heartbreak doesnt discriminate against age..hope i didnt waffle too much, this is wat heartbreak does to you! u go silly... ok im gna stop now..i dont think iv helped!

[Quickstep]

Hi ems, I really know how you are feeling at the moment, I split up with my fiance in October and still feel really empty and desperately sad. I can't answer your question but just wanted to reiterate what Andy H said, there are lots of us here for you to talk to when you're sad or even if you just want to have a whinge about him! xx

[ems27]

thanks guys, I appreciate the advice. I know it will get better, the whole thing has just knocked me for six. I'm 28 now and he's by no means my 1st love but I thought he was the one, talk about a cliche ! when I met him I didn't want a relationship but he pursued it. I didn't rush into it and I told him it wasn't to get too serious.Then he told me that he'd fallen in love and wasn't going anywhere, he wanted to make his life with me. 5 months later he disappears, quite literally. he came around on xmas day, we had a lovely time, left on boxing day morning saying he'd see me later in the evening and that was it. Didn't even have the courtesy to end it face to face, just ignored my calls and sent me a text a week later saying he only ever wanted a bit of fun and he was sorry. this is a 30 year old man. I've had better treatment from a one night stand. He obviously had absolutely no feelings or respect for me at all and that's what's so hard to deal with. He was a great liar, one of the best. I wish I'd never met him and i wish i wasn't still in love with him. Andy Hughes, you have however just restored my faith in men. thank you.

[Steve_Luts]

This guy sounds like a loser of the highest order who you are well rid of!!!

Ditto all Andy Hughes says - time is a great healer, but its a case of how long is a piece of string. Just one word of advice - don't give the next Mr Right a hard time on account of one nerd - we're not all bad apples!!

Take it easy - life's too short to spend it worrying about dweebs like this.

[jno]

it's not so much heartbreak you're feeling, I suspect, but betrayal; you've been lied to and crapped on. No wonder you feel bad. You're probably having trouble trusting other people now - men, anyway - and finding that this too is upsetting - you're really having to reconsider the whole way you look at people. And you may be wondering what you did wrong, though you know, rationally, that it wasn't you at all.

No simple answer, I'm afraid, but don't go thinking that everyone is like him; 99% of people, even males, would agree you've been shabbily treated and would sympathise with you. Real love will heal your scars, but of course that never comes along when you need it. Make the most of your friends' help and support. Be patient, don't blame yourself, and don't let it colour your views of all humanity.

[4getmenot]

You'll get over it and not feel so upset, alot of it is just usual routine to get used to. But if as you say you loved him then he'll always be at the back of your mind. True Love never dies. But true to say alot of us think we are in love and you may look back on it next year and think, what the hell was I thinking of. :-)

[Lulu75]

Something practical that I found helped was to write down how I felt and then put in away in a safe place. A couple of month later I re-read what I'd written and realised that although I was still hurting I didn't feel as bad as I had when I wrote it. And finally one day I re-read it and knew that I was finally through it and at that point I was able to tear it up. I doesn't make the process any faster but it showed me I was making progress.

[nannon]

HIs initials werent C.D were they??! same thing happened to me and i know what you mean when you say you dont want to be in love with him! my r'ship was short -wasnt really a r'ship actually! but anyway turns out he had girlf and raising her kid! hate him!! (well, nearly hate him.... im trying...!)

[slimbo]

i have just split up with my girlfriend and she says she wants to be friends and thats it. she says we may get back together in the future and she hopes so. i love her and she still loves me and all i can think about is her and the pain is unbeleivable. can anyone help because i am deeply hurting???