Breaking point

[Pootle]

2 weeks ago, I split up with my girlfriend of almost 4 years. We had a very much an us against the world relationship, very close and intense and we didn't need anybody else as we were the best of friends and lovers. She told me that she was no longer in love with me. I have taken this very badly and I am suffering from a terrible wretched feeling of sadness and more physical feelings such as a constant heavy weight on my chest, tightness in my throat, constant nausea and a lose of appetite. Coupled with my pressurised job and the fact that I am having to move out of home, I really feel as if I am losing the plot. Every minute of the day is an emotional struggle and even in sleep, my mind never relaxes. The point of this is, does anybody know of any over the counter product I can take to help me while I cope with these horrible dark times as I am just about reaching my breaking point. Any advice would be most appreciated.

[Scarlett]

Don't turn to pills and drugs- they just mask the feelings of grief which you have to go through. You are experiencing bereavement, and in my view should try and get some counselling. You could visit your GP about the physical symptoms but ask for counselling not pills. Or you could try relate, or the samaritans. Alternatively just go out with a good buddy and talk it through with them.

[treacle84]

Gosh, what a tough time you are having. I know this is totally the last thing you want to hear because I've been there but it will get better with time. It really will. I agree with Scarlett, go and see your G.P and see what he/she advises. Go out with your mates for some drinks and let them support you. Take on a new hobby or do something you've always fancied doing but have never had the chance to. Just keep busy and find a new challenge and I'm sure you'll feel a little better each day. But take each day as it comes. People deal with break up's in different ways and they are really awful but you can get through it and you will.

[helsbels666]

SCARLETT youre wanted on the animal page about your dog!

[sam82]

Reading your post was like i had written it, i split from my partner 2 weeks ago although it has been rocky for a little while now.

last week i only got through it due to pure anger, then at the weekend i sobbed myself to sleep, it is really tough, and im just taking one day at a time, i miss him dreadfully, but he was not the niciest of boyfs anyway, but like scarlett says, i feel like i am grieving.

Talking to my friends and keeping myself busy has helped, but its still hard, everyone keeps saying be strong, and i am normally strong, but my whole life has fell around me.

i wish i had answers to help you, but hopefully knowing your not alone might help!

[Drisgirl]

I wish I could just give you a big cuddle and tell you it will be alright.There is NO quick fix - you have to ride out your emotions.If you feel a good nights sleep would stop the exhaustion at least - try Nytol - but its like everthing else it becomes less effective if you use it too frequently.Now is the time to rely on your pals - it does take your mind off it for a while-and you would do the same for them.I lost stones and I'm not big in weeks when I split with my ex.Try to force even some soup down you - you cannot function if you are not sleeping or eating - its a form of torture.

Last piece of advice - please give yourself some breathing space and dont set yourself up for another slap in the face by getting involved too quickly with someone else.

Let us know how you are doing in a couple of weeksxxx

[kate1976]

Nearly 3 years ago I went through a similar experience and I just wanted to curl up and die! 3 years on and I'm happier than I've ever been!

You will get through this, it doesn't seem like it at the moment but trust me, you will!! As has been advised go see your GP and ask for counselling or phone the samaritans or some other helpline, talking about it will help lots!

You may not feel up to it but you need to get out and about even going for a half hour walk will help!

The saying 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger' is true as is the saying 'time heals'

Take every hour as it comes and just grieve slowly. I wish you lots of happiness!

[Richie1976]

Pootle, sorry to hear about your misfortune. There is some sound advice given there, the one thing I'd like to add is, definitely don't go down the drug avenue. Have you heard of NLP, it stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming (you can google it). But it's all to do with how you can train your brain to think, how to turn the good things in your life into major positives to focus on. The flip side is it also teaches you how to turn the negative things that are going on "down", so that you don't focus on them.

Good luck

[Pootle]

Thank you all very much for your responses. I know there are no magic answers to this. Its just too much losing my best friend/lover/companion in one go. 4 years of history and mostly very happy times over. I so long to wake up from this nightmare in our flat with her next to me. I always thought we would be together and get through anything and now after two weeks, I suppose I am facing up to the realisation that this is happening and there will be no reconciliation. Even though I have good friends around me, I feel so desperately lonely. I suppose I just miss my friend. Thanks once again

[joko]

try some Kalms - they are great

and also get some rescue remedy from the chemist - a few drops on the tongue and it will make you feel better - about �3-4 a bottle. this is good for shock, fear, and worry - people use it for flying, test nerves, shock etc.

lavendar essential oil may calm you a bit too.

and at night, if the thoughts keep you awake, listen to comedy cds on a loop so that you don't just lie there brooding. standup or episodes of sitcoms are best rather than books as you can easily lose track of the story and you don't want to get too absorbed that it will keep you awake. the library will have some to try out

[joko]

meant to say kalms are herbal and from the chemist

longer term you could also try a herbal remedy called 'connect' from 'higher nature'

and also try herbal antidepressants such as 5HTP and st johns wort

available from health food shops like holland and barratt

for immediate relief though the rescue remedy and kalms are best.

[Drisgirl]

Pootle - I know this is probably not what you want to hear just now but bear with me.

We all go through the rose tinted spectacles phase when there is a break-up-just remembering the good times.If you were honest with yourself even in a couple of weeks - the cracks were there but as you are in a state of shock at the moment you are in denial.Your ex will be finding this extremely painful as well - after all she has now chosen a different path and to say what she said must have been hard.She will still love you but not in the way she wants to remain with you for the rest of HER life.

Get a decent sleep and stop torturing yourself and as for the house - added stress but its only bricks and mortar.I had to move myself and my 2 young kids from a detached house with the Audi big garden in the snobbiest area in town and it broke my heart until mum and I were cleaning the empty shell and guess what- it wasnt my home.This is my home - my lovely cottage-full of all my personal knick-knacks with friends and family and neighbours calling round.Chin-up x

[noxlumos]

I'm going to sound nuts now, but practically the best thing you can do is excercise, run if possible. Run and run and run until you can't anymore, then you'll probably cry your eyes out and then you'll sleep. That's what happened to me when something awful took place in my life and it just seemed such a natural thing to do and it was so helpful.In fact it was the only thing that helped. It was as though my fight/flight mechanism had been tripped and until I did that I could find no rest at all. If you are having trouble sleeping take Valerian root and lavender, as someone else stated, is great. You will recover from this eventually but it will take a long time of you working on the way you think about things for that to happen and in the mean time you need to do something to make you feel less wretched and lonely. I'm so sorry you're going through such a terrible time, but one day you'll be happy again.Just try and take one day at a time. Good luck.

[WendyS]

Endings like this are always painful, and I do feel for you, especially when you have other pressures to contend with at the same time. However, sometimes the only way to deal with the grieving aspect or any loss or bereacement is to work your way through it, however painful it seems at the time. Just trying to ignore it will only cause you problems later and a good cry in private may be therapeutic.. Just tell youself every morning when you get up that you are 24 hours further away from the original cause of your grief and that things will get better. Progress is made is such little steps, not the big hikes. When you feel really stressed, just deal with immediacies of the next hour and let longer time scales like 24 hours take their course.

Sleeping pills and other drugs are only chemical escape mechanisms, although if you're really desperate through lack of sleep, talk to your GP. Otherwise, try to find time for some gentle regular exercise which is a more natural antitidote to depression. Concentrate on a few good things which still exist in your life, and slowly, even without noticing it, you may suddenly wake up one morning and find that the worst of the pain has faded away.

[teag1rl]

Noxlomus has got a point about exercise, as simple as it sounds. If you're running outdoors too the fresh air does wonders. It's horrible, but I hope you feel better with time.

[yellowduck]

I'm going through a really emotional break-up too (from my first love) and I know totally what you're talking about when you explain all the symtoms - i think it's called heart-break : ( I literally can't physically or mentally relax at the moment, I constantly feel tense and have an ache deep within me that I can't reach. At times I sit in like a stupor and other times I feel like screaming. My relationship ended 2 weeks ago and the only advice I can offer you is to keep busy. I know the only thing you feel like doing (if you're anything like me) is to sit and think about her and how much you've lost and that's OK sometimes but I did this the whole of valentine's day and by the end of the day I certainly didn't feel any better. Over the last few days I've been out constantly, talking to lots of different people, having some human contact and while the pain's still definitely there I feel more optimistic generally. Kind of like I know I can live without him, that I'm not going to die or whither away and that's how I felt life was going to go when I first split up with him. I don't know if any of this will help and I know there's really nothing anyone can say to make you feel better but I promise you that even though you may feel totally alone in your particular situation and in your loss of your particular love, there are many of us who are in very similar situations and finding it very hard to cope too. But we will! x

[becksdad]

Mate I feel for you I really do,

i was in the same situation two years ago, what you are going through so many people have done exactly the same, but I know it does not help to hear this.

You have to keep active, stimuate your mind, please dont look to drugs (prescribed or not) or alcohol to help numb the pain as it can become your emotional crutch. I know I have been there. Try and see a councilor and talk through what your experiencing it may hurt but it stops it being bottled up inside your head where you tend to visit when your on your own or feeling bad about things. Your face can tell a million lies but your head can only tell you the truth. At this moment in time you probably feel your in some dark hole from which there is no way out but it does get better mate given time it does get better