to congratulate or not to congratulate?

[ermintrude35]

..2 years ago I split up with my long term boyfriend of 5 years, he was devestated, I felt a right cow, however I assured him he would meet the right girl eventually....we used to frequent a websit quite simmilar to this one(but on a smaller scale)...and the other day there was a post on this site announcing his engagement to one of the administrators of the board...

...now, everyone is congratulating them, what do I do?, some members of the board know about our past relationship, is it going to look like sour grapes if I don't congratulate them?..or am I making a huge mountain out a mole hill here..? ..I don't usually let stuff like this bother me , so I have no idea what has come over me...

[Cockney_si]

Best not to worry about it and only say something if you were to bump into them in the street and they mention it.

[ermintrude35]

..thankyou guys...consider by gob well and truley shut on the matter... hmm In A Pickle ...how very true, sarcasm, my all time fave form of wit...

[ermintrude35]

..and I was , just this very instance, trying to figure out a way to incorporate "sloppy seconds " into my congratulations message... pah!

[Ethmer]

i would congratulate them and with them well.

You were in a 5-year relationship with him so you should be able to have enough of a friendship that you can offer him sincere congratulations.

[kick3m0n]

I must be missing something because I really don't understand why you wouldn't congratulate him. You dumped him and assured him he'd find the right girl eventually. Well, now he has, I'd think it was sour grapes if you didn't. It was a long term relationship, and it was 2 years ago....why can't you wish him well? what am I missing here????

[Englishbird]

You're probably put out because he had the audacity to get on with his life and has found out he can live without you. It's not that you wish him any bad things, just that it makes you slightly less special! lol, that's how i'd feel anyway ... if I was being honest.

I don't think there's any need to congratulate him, If he was desperately interested in your opinion he'd have told you directly. If you're in a thread and it comes up, then don't conspicuously avoid it, but I wouldn't seek them out to gush how happy you are for them.

[jno]

If you congratulated him, would it be sincere? Are you really pleased he's found happiness? If so, of course you should do it, just as you would do it for anyone else. You can certainly find the words to make it clear you're not being sarcastic.

But perhaps you're not really happy for them at all? That would be only natural, for the reasons Englishbird spells out. But it suggests you've still got issues about the whole thing. In that case, keep silent - and try to figure out how to get him out of your system.

[jedimistress]

I'd congratulate them on their happiness, but be careful to word it to show no regret, smugness, hurt.

Wish them all the happiness together as it is what they deserve. Play no games, just act as if it was anyone.

Even though I would not reconcile with my ex of 5 years ago, I still feel a little hurt to hear he is to be married. It's only normal, but you were a title role in his life once and what you shared in that time will never be taken away.

Don't think too hard about what to do, be casual.

[Gef]

Sorry, I dont mean to offend anyone but all of this makes me laugh. Two years ago my wife and I separated and will soon be divorced. We had 29 good years together, brought up 3 lovely children and are still good friends. Of course you should congratulate him.