ChatterBank1 min ago
Help!
Hello everyone- can someone help me please. I started seeing a girl at New Year and it began really well. We went away the weeked before Valentine's Day - it was great. At the beginning of Feb, I e-mailed one of her friends to ask what she thought my other half would like on Feb 14 - underwear or roses? The friend spoke to some friends, and told me roses.
I duly had them delivered, and she loved them. When we met next, I casually mentioned that I asked her friend what she would like (as a thoughtful and kind gesture on my part, rather than buying a lot of tat she didn't want.
Anyway, she went ballistic! She accused me of trying to hit on her friend! It transpires that her ex did a simialr thing i.e went underwear shopping with a mate to find out what she would like, and then tried it on with her mate!
Since then, we have barely spoken. I'm really not into hitting on a girl's mates, and things have collapsed horribly.
Any advice on how to explain my plan was innocent and above board? This girl is something special! Help!
Answers
No best answer has yet been selected by Tock389. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.Oh dear! To be brutally honest, although I can see that she's had a bad experience in the past, she sounds like a fruit loop.
Now that some time has elapsed, try again to explain yourself. If she isn't having it, calmly tell her that she's jacked in a promising relationship on a totally insubstantial basis, and you're not prepared to take things any further now she's turned out to be unreasonable. She just might have a rethink at that stage!
As lady_p_gold suggests that given she hasn't made the effort I'd give it one more try. Send her a card (not one with sorry on it as you did nothing wrong), saying that you did what you did with genuine reasons and that there are no hard feelings on your part.
What you don't want to do (IMHO) is just leave it, because you will then forever wonder if maybe she felt embarresed by what happened and was waiting for you to make the next move.
I've been in relationships with people who I felt were something special to find that later somebody even more special came along. Chin up and good luck.
She sounds rather like a Prima Donna to me, but perhaps if she's had an unfortunate experience before, this could have triggered her extreme reaction.
Perhaps you could write to her, explaining that because you hadn't known each other very long and you wanted to do something nice for her on Valentines Day, you'd decided to rely on the judgement of her friends who had known her longer and probably knew her tastes better than you did.
Acknowledge the fact that your good intentions went pear-shaped because you hadn't known a previous boyfriend had betrayed her and ask her to accept that your motives had been genuine.
Say it's pity she can't give you the benefit of the doubt but, that you'd like to build some bridges but if she doesn't want to, then at least you'd like to part with no hard feelings. Then leave it up to her. If she doesn't have the grace to accept and make a move, perhaps you're better off parting company.