relationship advice-help!

[becki_1984]

I'm so confused its drivin me crazy.My boyfriend and I have a fantastic relationship and have been together now for 3 years.Only last week I found some pictures of a girl on his laptop (normal pics) whilst loading on some other pics as a surprise.I confronted him about it in a nice way and he explained it was a girl from work.I did wonder why she'd emailed him pics of herself and she was a very attractive girl.I forgot about that anyway and then a couple of days later I was using his laptop to do some work and went into his history of internet pages to find this website I needed and found that basically he'd registered himself on a dating site and he had looked at loads of girls profiles. To cut a long story short I asked why and he said he saw an email of mine that I had left on my computer by accident and it said a guy had seen my profile and thought I was hot so he assumed I'd put myself on a dating site and he was trying to find me. Only I've never seen this email that was supposed to be in my account. He then sort of accused me of deleting it incase he saw it and I just couldn't believe it. I then found I was the one trying to proove my innocence. That was 4 days ago and although we thought we had it cleared up he hasn't barely touched me since and I'm finding it hard to even get him to look at me. We live together so as you can imagine- its hard. I'm so upset I don't know what to do. I almost feel like I should just give up as I have done nothing wrong and I'm a good girlfriend only he just doesn't seem interested. Before he couldn't leave me alone. We talk and have a giggle at things and if I go for a hug he gives me one only he never comes to me first like before. Now he's suddenly gone out supposedly meeting friends but I'm just not sure if that's true. Something just isn't right and the change has been just instant. I'm sorry if I've gone on and on, I'm just a bit all over the place at the moment. All advice will be greatly appreciated x

[kipchik]

I really hope i'm wrong but it sounds a bit like he's been found out and he's running scared i could be wrong but the old 'twisting the situation round' trickdon't look great in my book,if he's found to be a louse then you deserve much better i've been there!Hope i'm wrong but good luck.

[becki_1984]

Thanks kipchik, I know what you mean and I hope you're wrong too but I just don't know. How do I catch him out if he is? x

[PhilBy]

Just my own personal experience, but it took my wife to leave me for me to realise what she really meant to me ....... I went through hell to get her back but happy to say that was 8yrs ago and we are now both as happy as pigs in the mucky stuff :-)

[Morrisonker]

It sounds pretty shifty to me too. It's an old trick that, tuning the situation round so they're no longer in the wrong and unfortunately it's one that some guys are very good at. Don't let him make you feel bad for something you didn't do. As for catching him out...well I'm afraid the best way to do that is just to wait, if he's lying he'll make a mistake sooner or later.

Are you actually registered with a dating website or something like Myspace that he could have got the wrong idea from? If you didn't get an email that's one thing, but for him to say you got an email, he saw it *and* it's from a website you don't belong to, well that's just plain suspicious, and complicated too, sounds like a hastily thought up lie to me I'm afraid.

[jno]

men do sometimes try to turn the tables like that, but this seems downright daft: to accuse you of belonging to a dating site, when you must know perfectly well you don't. Morrisonker is right: is there anything at all that he could possible have misunderstood?

But I think you're right to be deeply distrustful.

[Cockney_si]

I personally get around 3-5 emails a week that are junk mail saying they'd seen my profile online so if he's seen one of those he's jumped to the wrong conclusion.

[Bohne]

If you are sure, that you have done nothing wrong, then the situation sound very familiar.
With an unfaithful ex-boyfriend, I remember always being accused of all kind of things, and I have never cheated on any one in my life...

I would try to make sure (again) that this is not some kind of mix-up.
Ask him why he did not ask you about that Email straight away? That's what I would expect my partner to do if there was anything he was worrying about, since I have nothing to hide from him.

If he is not cooperating, I think there is something wrong, and maybe it's time to end this relationship.
But that's for you to decide...

[kipchik]

Yeah men will turn the tables to get out of a tight spot but they will also ALWAYS trip themselves up and PhilBy is right when he says you don't know what you got till its gone.Maybe i should do the same as his wife,it worked out for you though philby,i'm pleased for you chap.

[becki_1984]

Thanks for all your replies everyone, they've really helped. I'm definitely not registered on any site and if I did have a junk email in my account then I didn't know about it. I usually just delete them so I guess I could have missed one but he should have asked. The relationship is slowly improving as he is taking me out tonight but I'm still very suspicious. I'm permantly going to have my radar on looking for signs and I just never thought I'd be like that. Oh well, I'll keep you posted anyway and big thanks to you all x