Relationship trouble

[Champagne]

Well my weekend was blissful until Saturday night when my boyfriend of 9 months received a call from his ex-girlfriend. He was sitting right beside me at the time when his phone rang but he has taken her number out of his phone so didn't register her number when he answered, but unbeknown to him I could hear both sides of the conversation, and it went a little something like this (HIT IT!):-

Byatch: "Hello! It's me! Can you talk?"
Him: "Er�. Hello� umm� yeah of course I can�"
Byatch: "Okay, was just checking that your girlfriend wasn't there."
Him: *pauses* "�yeah, she's here. We're just watching a movie... er... how are you?"

At this point he gets up off the sofa and walks away, turning to me and saying, "It's just James." He continues to chat to his ex casually and when he looks back again I am staring at him, with one of those stares which says, "STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE!". To cut a long story short I end up grabbing the phone and hanging up. She has the audacity to phone back so I tell her to get lost. Boyfriend and I row all night. He then stays up until 4am by himself getting drunk and the next morning I sneak out of the house (would have left the Saturday night but he prevented me from doing so).

I've now laid down an ultimatum: I have said that I do not want to hear from him again unless he sorts things out with his ex. I believe she is calling him for a reason. He needs give her closure and tell her not to call again.

I know for a fact that he doesn't want her and that he is very much in love with me, and as the feeling is mutual I am not going to throw everything away; there's far too much to lose. But how will I know for sure if he deals with his ex in the way he should? I know it boils down to trust, but this is the 2nd time in 9 months that his ex has called him so my faith in him is a little bit lacking at present.

[kazzianne]

And if I had come downstairs and found my man on a sex chatline I would have stapled his bits to the floor!!!

[Bohne]

If he has no more interest in her, then it should not be a problem, to either tell her not to call again, or, if he wishes to do so, chat with her innocently.

Why does he have to lie to you?

Sorry, but that would really shake my confidence in him!

I'd sort the lying bit out before anything else...

[Rubyrose]

For one.. its really up to him how he and his ex will be. If you stop him from being mates with her then he might end up resenting you for it in the long run.. but.. why did he lie and say it was his mate James! Thats what I would be most worried about. Not the fact that she called.. but the fact that he lied. She can call all she likes but if he loves you.. there isn't much she can do about it.

[atolhurst]

Okay, it's great that he's not interested in the ex any more but why get off the sofa and lie to you about who's on the phone. That would be a huge issue in my book.

Spending the evening talking to ex and mate - to be honest, if that was my other half, I'd have left him over it.

And the s*x line - I would have walked out on him.

[Champagne]

It's because he feels it necessary to lie to me that this became an issue. He knows I am very understanding and that he has no reason to hide anything from me, so it was a silly move on his part to be caught out like that. I've never questioned his fidelity as I trust him implicitly in that regard. I was more concerned about the reasons for HER calling, as I know they're not 'friends' so I'm putting it down to her being drunk and missing what they had together. So my defences go up.

I've apologised to him for giving him an ultimatum, as that was not my right. As well as apologising for overreacting.

Thanks everybody for your advice and input. xx

[dot.hawkes]

Tell him to change the phone number so she can't ring him again, simple as.