tattoo dilemma

[tingirl]

Hello. Bit of an odd dilemma. My boyfriend is heavily tattooed. My dad finds tattooes offensive and is very conservative men's appearances - he even gets worked up about the slightest thing he sees on tv. Needless to say, they haven't met yet - I've been avoiding it for a long time cos I don't want either to get upset. The obvious thing would be for him to wear a long sleeved shirt, but it's going to be summer soon...please help. Thanks!

[kazzianne]

Hi - its entirely up to you who you go out with.Have you told your boyfriend your dads opinions??

[Pippa68]

I would be inclined to just tell your dad about your boyfriends artistry..then tell him to like it or lump it!

What else can you do? if your dad gets upset it's his problem, if your boyfriend gets upset then he really should have thought about other peoples opinions before he covered himself in tattoos..both he & your dad have their own choices which you have no control over...good luck :o)

[Maggie-Mae]

I would just be upfront with both your dad and your boyfriend to make them aware that they have differing views about this sort of thing and try and point out to your dad that you love your boyfriend for the person he is and not for the fact he has tattoos. Try to express to your dad that your boyfriend makes you happy and therefore your dad should be happy for you. I would suggest you just warn your boyfriend that you dad does have conservative views incase the initial reception from your dad is a little "cool" but hopefully you dad will see past the tattoos and realise that his daughter is happy. Good luck xx

[tradey]

i love tattoos ive only got 3 but would love more,well anyway about your question,you like the fella the way he is,then your dad shouldnt say anything,why should he cover then up just to please you dad,he cant stay covered up for ever,just tell him,its whats on the inside that counts anyway

[Champagne]

Well you can either dump your boyfriend and ask your Father to pick your perfect partner for you, or you can show off your boyfriend with pride. You're old enough to make your own decisions in life and your Father should respect your choices, if he agrees or not.

[jno]

presumably they'll have to meet sometime. If the first time will be in your father's house, then your boyfriend could wear long sleeves for the occasion (in answer to tradey's comment 'why should he cover up just to please your dad', the answer is: courtesy, especially in someone else's home). Maybe your father will throw a fit and vow never to see him again; if so, that's when you'll have to make a choice. But if your bf behaves decently then sooner or later your father's likely to come round. Meantime, your bf could show off a bit more flesh each time to get him used to the idea.

[noxlumos]

Quite why some people feel the need to concern themselves with what someone else does to their body is beyond me. It's none of your father's business what tattos your partner has, and if he doesn't realise that then it's time he did. It would be rude in the extreme to comment upon them, although I'm sure that won't stop him.Just tell your bf there might be trouble and ask him to be tolerant and behave impeccably, then if your Dad does start about it he's the one 100% in the wrong.

My wife's father still hates the sight of me ( I'm not tatooed, but I was apparently a "bad sort", for bad sort read "Irish") and that was nine years ago now and we're still together so I wouldn't worry so much, you can't keep everyone happy.

[jno]

have to disagree with noxlumos (not something I do much), but I think that people who wear tattoos, like those who have punk haircuts or go naked, are using their bodies to make a very public statement - usually about how different they are from other people. That may well not be their prime intention, but it's the effect. That being the case, I think it's legit for other people to voice opinions on the matter; I don't think saying you dislike tattoos leaves you '100% in the wrong'. If people get tattoos - especially a lot of them - they can expect reaction from others. tingirl perhaps your boyfriend is used to this and can deal with it without concern? That would be the best thing.

[Bohne]

Why should your boyfriend hide something, that's so obviously part of him!

That's the way you love him, and that's the way your dad has to accept him!

And don't think I don't know about difficult relationships.
I have been with a guy for six years, that my father never met, due to his rascist views.
In fact I never talked to him for about two years, and I probably don't have to say, that even today, that I am married to a guy he's quite happy with, we are not too close!

[electricblue]

Oh god,why do people judge others from how they look?I'm female,tattoo'd, pierced and a biker,you can imagine how that goes down with some folk's,My hubby is heavily tattoo'd as well,luckily people are coming round now and don't treat us like the spawn of satan!!

[tingirl]

Thanks everyone for your combined wise words. Tin x

[spk]

Tingirl I went through the EXACT same thing. My ex boyfriend that I lived with for 7 years was a tattoo artist so as you can imagine he was pretty heavily covered. My parents were not at all into the idea(I started seeing him when I was 19 and moved country to be with him which really didnt help either) but they soon learned that I was an adult and needed to make my own choices. If your boyfriend is a decent guy and treats you well, your dad will hopefully grow to accept him the way he is. You cant really ask your boyfriend to hide his tattoos- I have a few and would be very offended if a new boyfriend asked me to hide them to meet his parents. They need to understand its your life and you need to do whats right for you. Dont let it put you off him if they do kick off about it- you will just end up resenting them otherwise. Tattoos are just a personal expression- its your boyfriends body and he has a fundamental right to decorate it how he chooses. Good luck ! x

[secretspirit]

Hi tingirl, good luck with your dilemma. My Mum hates tattoos and I haven't dared tell her that my husband has had 3 on his upper arm for 5 years!!!!! I know I'm a chicken but whenever she talks about tattoos it's in quite a forceful way (she's not one to hold back) and for some reason even though he's 32 and not her son I expect she'd go mad! His Mum did when she found out but that's a whole other story...

[tingirl]

Thanks spk. I've manged to conceal quite a large one of my own for some time now. I think I just worry too much!

[spk]

I understand Tingirl you are just trying to make everyone happy is all. Just remember to make yourself happy too xx