Tough Spot

[dancealot13]

Well, my fear is coming true. I recently moved back from NYC after performing professionaly for a year. I moved back for several small reasons, but the big one was for my boyfriend of almost 6 years. Im 24 and he's 27. I love him but he doesn't want me to perform professionally. I started having anxiety attacks so intense that I throw up. The first one was at a baby shower, and the second was at a wedding. I feel like Im trying to live this life that just isn't for me, but Im trying to force myself because it's soooo safe. Here at home I have my bf who has a house, a great job, money, I have my family here, a steady job..blah blah blah and yet Im going NUTS inside. I want to be happy here but I just can't seem to stop thinking about going back to perform. If I go back to perform then I know it will end, and that leaves me very scared. I have always been independent and VERY confident..but now Im not.

I really don't have a question per-say, I just need some words of wisdom. Thank you.

[parkesquay]

I am old enough to be a very aged father to you and if life has taught me anything it is that it is too short to have regrets. You seem to be a very nice caring person and I say that if you want to pursue your dream - go for it. You are being subjected to a from of emotional blackmail. May I suggest (if you can afford it) when you feel like a touch of home why not fly say your Mum or sister for example to NYC to give you a cuddle. Kick the b/f into touch and find somebody more grown-up.

[dancealot13]

Thank you for sharing that advice parkesquay. I don't want giving up on my dreams to be a regret becuase I've worked to hard.

That was one of the reasons why I moved back, because I didn't see my family often at all. You are right, it would help me to see them more, and I think they will start to make more of an effort to get to NYC if I ask. Thank you xx

[MangoPete]

There is so much wisdom in peoples answers here
You remind me of a beautiful animal, caged ,who can only realise their majesty in their own habitat.
I have learnt the bitter sweetness that if you love someone enough you must let them go, because only in that release is real love proven.
If you try to cage love it dies.

I love this poem

http://www.mephistowalz.com/lyrics_falcon_to_f alconer.htm

fly free, shine, be

[dancealot13]

Mangopete- hello. Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming that I feel like im flying through black fog. I know I need to let go of him. Thank you for the poem.