Married Men/Women.

[tuppence2]

Good Evening everyone, me and my wife where pondering something earlier.

We where watching a programme on one of the digital channels about why men/women have affairs behind their spouses back.

We both know that we would never do it, but what we wanted to know was why men/women do it, my wife said to me "Oh men would say that their wife doesn't understand them", she said it was an excuse to have an affair and I must agree I think she has a point.

What do you all think?

[spk]

I think the only reason that people have affairs is that they are looking for something or someone else. It doesnt necessarily mean they dont love thier wife/husband but they want something different or something more. I was in a very happy relationship for 7 years and never looked anywhere else but Ive also been in other relationships and had an affair because ultimately I just wasnt happy. Affairs are a sign you need to get out or change something and quickly

[Rubyrose]

I completely recommend that every woman in the world reads a book called 'What men don't want women to know' - By Smith and Doe. You will find all the answers you need in there.

Men have affairs coz they can.

Women have them coz there is something unfufilling in the relationship.

More women leave their partners for their lovers than men do! Women seek something outside the relationship they are in. Even if its not sexual and it completely emotional.

Men have affairs mostly coz they were in the right place at the right time.. (or the wrong time)!! Very rarely does a man leave his wife for his mistress! Most men can happily carry on an affair until either someone finds out or until the mistress demands more!

Plus most men don't leave an unhappy relationship unless they have something to leave for. As long as a man is being fed, not moaned at 24/7 and getting some form of sex from the wife.. then he will not leave unless he has someone to leave her for! A man will settle.. even if he knows he isn't happy.. simply because ending it.. is to much of an effort.

I realise there are exceptions to these rules.. but trust me... read 'What men don't want women to know'.. Smith and Doe are Gods!!! Lol.

xx

[Slooow_Jo]

Blimey Rubes you've been doing your homework :-/

I just waited for the knowledge to come naturally & spend the time growing up !! :P

[laurence2]

It seems to be inbuilt with the majority of men, mates of mind who are happily married love the idea of the ''risk factor'' as this is a bigger thrill than the affair itself.

Its also noticeable that the majority of older guys who are married etc feel they still have the ''Pulling factor'' a classic example is my brother {whos single} is 43 but loves the idea that he can pull younger women, he tells me that they love it when he mentions hes got his own house, car, good job etc as they find hes a catch, {yea right} but its his life hes no commitments

[kazzianne]

I think Ruby is spot on - men have affairs because they can get away with it,or its offered on a plate - women dont normally look elsewhere unless they're not entirely happy at home.x

[purpose]

From another point of view (a personal one) - both men and women have affairs because they are looking for something specific that their spouse is not 'offering'. I don't mean excitement, fun, the thrill of being caught etc., but something more... er... unusual... something more 'psychological'.

This has probably come out all wrong! Apologies.

[Octavius]

The �men have affairs because they can� clich� is rather a lame argument. As far as I am aware both sexes can. Some people choose to have affairs and some don�t, this isn�t about men vs women where all men are the beast. It is about personal choice and there is mostly an underlying reason.

It is estimated that about 40% (and rising) of women and 60% of men at one point indulge in an affair. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80% of relationships will have one partner at one point or another involved in infidelity. The same research shows that affairs are different and serve different purposes and identifies that there were around 7 different kinds of infidelity:

1. Some extramarital affairs are a reaction to a perceived lack of intimacy in the relationship.
2. Others arise out of addictive tendencies or a history of sexual confusion or trauma.
3. Some play out issues of entitlement and power by becoming "trophy chasers". The "boys will be boys" mentality is subtly encouraged in some contexts.
4. Some become involved in infidelity because of a high need for drama and excitement and are enthralled with the idea of "being in love" and having that "loving feeling"
5. An affair might be for revenge either because the partner did or did not do something. Or the revenge may stem from rage.
6. Another form of infidelity serves the purpose of affirming personal desirability.
7. Some affairs are a dance that attempts to balance need for distance and intimacy in the relationship, often with collusion from the partner.

[parkesquay]

I am going to be a bit cynical and say that with billions of people in the World population (theoretically) to choose from, is it any wonder that the chances of 2 people getting together and achieving a perfect relationship are slim. That said I take my hat off to those have worked hard together to achieve the ideal. Look at the facts, teenage girls are light years ahead in their physiology compared to same age testosterone motivated boys who may not mature until they are in their thirties. On the other hand there are many married women who when left on their own for long periods of time, eg their spouse may have to be away in his job, suddenly have to mend a fuse, get the car fixed etc etc and realise they don't have to be 'the little woman anymore. Marriage and growing up is necessarily dynamic and it is those who cope with the changes best who survive the temptations. It is easy to blame men for having affairs but isn't the single woman who knowingly dates a married man, especially if he has children, just as culpable.