calling aliceband

[catherine_s]

here to help, whats up? thought it would be best to start a new thread

[catherine_s]

exactly what ive been saying, you need space, you need him out of your system for a while so you can figure out what you really want. when i mentioned issues, what i meant was that its certainly going to be an issue for you, but dont dump it all on him, he's got it off his chest now and probably wont understand why you have a problem, deal with it with your friends, and on forums like this - he doesnt deserve to know that he has upset you so much, and it will make you feel better if you can show him that youre being strong about it (even if behind the scenes your venting to everyone else)

[Aliceband]

Thank you all so much. Lawrence, if I tell this man I am with (or not) how I feel, he just says, he doesnt like being told what to do? Really I am not a nag. I just want a happy relationship.

[catherine_s]

ahahahahahaha 28 thats hilarious...try down by about 8 years

[catherine_s]

make the decision to not be with him, it will make things a lot clearer in your mind and you can start to move on, you wont be able to get over what he did and thats a fact, so make the break and dont weigh yourself down by trying to be in a relationship where what happened will always come between you

[laurence2]

spk, a few weeks?

more like ''PERIOD''

The fella is taking the p**s and playing mind games, its as if he boasting of his conquest to Alice, once a cheater always a cheater

I appreciate you should be given a 2nd chance, but this is not a 4 week relationship, its 4 f*****g years, God he got over Alice very quick

[Aliceband]

Catherine, I had got him out of my system, then he goes and rings me on Saturday night and starts it all off again. But yes, he has got it off his chest, he says (says!) he has a lot of guilt. Thanks Catherine for staying up late to help me out, I really do appreciate it. Thank you

[spk]

im 27 I feel old now ! :O(

[spk]

True Laurence fair point !

[steve208]

really catherine? you have such a wise head on you.

alice you're not a mug and you say you are strong but im sure being strong must be alot harder when you are trying to deal with someone you have been with for 8 years.

I wont say i know its hard cos i cant know what youre going thru...i dont like to say i know unless have been in a v similar situ and i havent so can only try and understand. I hope that like catherine says you are able to put some distance between you i think that should help.

[Aliceband]

Lawrence, thats what I think. No way, did I want to go and sleep with anyone else. Even thought ex or whatever I now call him, thought. He thought I had met someone else, even though I told him countless times via email, that I was not interested in having a new relationship.

Steve, by the way, I am 44, and looking good.

[jno]

going back and reading this from the start... I don't think you're a mug Alice, and I'm not sure if he's a lousy philanderer or just a normal guy who's trying to be honest with you. But I think the point is that you've been hurt, and as spk very wisely says, when the bad times outweigh the good it's probably time to end the affair. It really doesn't matter whether he was justified or not in what he did. From your point of view, he's done something you don't feel you can live with, and never mind whether he can offer reasonable excuses. You don't have to think his behaviour is reasonable just because he does. I don't normally jump into these threads shouting 'Dump him! Dump him!' because I think relationships are worth working at. But I think you've already decided that it's too painful, and for you, your reaction is the one that counts.

[catherine_s]

no worries darling, its good to talk (as the bods at BT would say)

but seriously, would you have prefered to have heard about it on the grapevine, i found out about my ex's new love from someone else and i was so upset that he didnt have the balls to tell me to my face, despite promising each other that we would tell, so we wouldnt have to hear it off others

break ups are going to be hard, and if you were starting to get over it after 8 weeks then that pretty impressive, this is just another hiccup, and see it as another thing to add to the list as to why you DEFINATELY shouldnt be with this guy

[laurence2]

I'm 44

[catherine_s]

ooh im the baby

[Aliceband]

jno, thank you. I am probably pretty insecure anyway, and to now have to deal with this "him sleeping with someone else" and him expecting me to forget it, and move on, is really probably more than I can handle. Where are all the nice men huh.....

The only thing I am angry with, is that, it took me a while to get over him, then he rings me, and I take him back. If he had said to me on the phone that he had had sex with someone else, then I wouldnt of had him back. But I did, and I feel such a fool.

[steve208]

wow so a fair selection of ages here!!

anyway people i cant stay awake forever tho wont be good sleepin tonite. hey ho nothin can do now.

[jno]

I'm old, which is why I don't advocate ending relationships that are less than perfect - as you get older you get readier to compromise. But like I said, this one doesn't sound like it's going anywhere, and I think Alice knows it already.

[catherine_s]

yes steve i am indeed a wise owl..im dishing out all the advice i wish i'd taken myself a year ago...alice darling, all the old cliches are so true, time is a great healer etc etc..not contacting my ex for 3 months was the best thing i could do, then we had a very civilised coffee together and it was all fine

stop the emails too, by telling him you dont want another relationship youre massaging his ego, making him feel good that you dont want anyone else but him, or couldnt think of being with anyone else after being with him...beleive me he'll be thinking something along those lines...dont tell him about anything that youre doing or not doing, its not his place to know anymore

[Aliceband]

Lawrence, are you single! ...........lol, kidding.........thank you all for your advice. Its so much appreciated, and sorry to bore you all. The thing that gets me, is that he had the fling, I didnt yet he is snoring away in bed, thinking everything is hunky dory.

But I really do thank you all for your advice and help. xxxxx

[laurence2]

Alice, theirs plenty more fish in the sea so to speak.

Where not all bad tho, you sound like you deserve better,hope either way there is an happy ending, keep your chin up and rise above him