ex issues....arent they always

[catherine_s]

ok so here's the problem, need a bit of advice myself guys instead of dishing it out. got myself involved with a very unsuitable gent who messed me around and i have since ceased all contact with. something reminded me of him the other day and i started getting depressed out him, but then started thinking about my old ex (first love of my life etc etc) and all of the issues with this old ex started depressing me. ive stopped stressing about the first guy, but now have my mind occupied with the ex who i have been apart from for nearly a year. why on earth do i start thinking about my ex when im having issues with completely different guys!!

[electricblue]

Thinking back always conjures up emotions whether similarities are there between them or not,i'm the same,start thinking back and end up thinkingabout a few past loves,remember the bad bits and know there's good ahead!!

[Rubyrose]

Is he your yard stick? Do you measure all future boyfriends against him? Was he the best but it just didn't work out?

Maybe thats why. Coz you are thinking about what could have been!

[catherine_s]

he was my first, and only real relationship, so he is the only person that ive ever had to compare everyone else against. it didnt work out and whenever i get screwed over by a new guy i always feel sad that i couldnt make it work with someone who was everything to me, so how am i ever going to make it work with the next one who comes along. eugh, depressing

[jno]

well... you've now got more experience than before. Are you able to work out just where you went wrong the first time? (I know, hard to do when it's still making you bleed.) It might help you clarify in your own mind what you're looking for, what you're prepared to settle for, what you don't want. Sorry you're getting dicked around by guys - of course my first instinct is to say 'It's not your fault they're idiots' - but is there something in your thought processes, or your emotions, that leads you to Mr Wrong? Quite possibly not, of course; but if there is, it's worth identifying it.... sorry if this sounds negative and blaming you, it's not meant that way; but in the end you can only change your own behaviour, not other people's.

[catherine_s]

i think the only reason i keep on coming across Mr Wrong is because im settling for Mr Anyone. the way my ex treated me made me feel worthless so im settling for anyone who will have me, even if theyre totally wrong for me, because its better than the lack of love and emotion my ex gave me at the end of the relationship. im probably worth more than that, but its easy to say that but hard to be alone

[jno]

I know what you mean catherine... I've made the same choice myself in the past, but it didn't go seriously wrong. Mr Anyone may be ok even if he's not Mr Right, so it's quite likely you've just had bad luck. Anyway, there's really no harm thinking about the past, it's just better if you can draw some useful lessons from it. Probably lesson No 1 is not to take the first guy who comes in the door... but if you weigh up several of them and pick the best and it still goes wrong... well, it can happen. Try thinking of the good times and working out how you got them, and what sort of man you'd need to provide them