Wedding Etiquette

[Champagne]

Is it just me who finds it offensive to receive wedding gift lists when you get a wedding invite? Shouldn't giving a present be at your own discretion?

[yinyang]

That's a good idea, redcrx, If the mutaul friend knows this girl better than you she should be able to help you choose a small thing the bride will like.

It is nice to see old friends and, let's be honest, have a nosy at their new partner and how they've turned out.But I personally didn't want people I hardly knew at my wedding and that includes distant relatives. I just wanted all the people that meant something to my partner and I. But I know a lot of peolpe feel different and want to go for a big extravaganza.Well , whatever makes the day special for them!

[Pippa68]

Exactly my point W~M!

[Champagne]

No, I don�t think that is wrong WM. I posted this question to find out if there was etiquette on wedding gifts and it seems there isn�t, so it is discretionary.

[Champagne]

I do have very strong views on marriage. I don�t believe that you have to get married to prove that you want to be with someone for life. But, if my partner felt strongly about it, then I would consider sanctifying my devotion to him in the eyes of God by taking my vows. In which case I would sneak away to do it; just me and him. I would never want to spend �8-20k on a white dress and party because I see it as pointless, especially when you consider how easy it is to divorce these days. When you consider that you can now pick up divorce papers in Tesco stores it really does belittle the whole sanctity of marriage!

[flipflop104]

If I only got an invitation to the evening do then I most definiftely wouldn't take a gift but if you really want to have something that you can "hand" to the bride/groom, just take a bottle of wine or cheap champagne with a nice bow and ribbon on it- def. don't spend a lot though.

[Blyss]

wedding gift lists are a good idea if its a huge wedding , I mean noboby likes getting 10 toasters and no kettle .
O the other hand , and this happened to me , I know a girl from a chat room who is preggers she emailed me her baby gift list and she lives in the US. Now I thought that was a bloody cheek.

[Litchick]

I think ASKING for cash is crass. Having said that, I think the guests can all assume that the newly married couples need cash and instead of worrying about what gift to buy, they just push cash in the wedding card. For our wedding, we neither asked for cash nor put a gift list in and we got cash. Just my opinion.... ;)

[gessoo]

Quite simply if I received an invite including a wedding gift list then I would definitely decline the invitation and they wouldn't get a gift. I think it is extremely rude to put a wedding gift list into an invitation.

If they didn't include a gift list and I couldn't attend the wedding then I would still buy them a gift! I always ask personally what they would like and have helped with cash towards a honeymoon.

[Gef]

Friends of mine who had been living together for sometime also said that they didn't need anything. They nominated a charity and asked that (voluntary) donations be made to that.

[Jennykins]

Hey Champagne, I do know what you mean. I still went out and bought them something from my heart (tho there was a list) that showed how well I new them. I think gifts are getting way to much .. people when they get married now seem to do it to furnish there houses... and when they have babies they dont buy anything untill there baby shower in hopes that everybody spend lots of money on them paying for all there babies needs..lol

I think your very right. You should give a present at your own disretion.

[gessoo]

Way back in '72 I got married in a registry office on a Monday with very few guests. I can remember getting a kettle and a toaster, an ironing board and set of plastic kitchen equipment, some glasses, some sheets and set of kitchen scales and a chopping board. How times have changed!!!!!!

[gessoo]

Quite honestly, I don't even remember even thinking about the gift side of things when we got married, either.

[Coobeastie]

Can't see what all the fuss is about with evening invites. I'm getting married soon, our church can't take that many people so we are inviting more to the evening reception.

I'd be shocked to think that I was offending anybody by putting in a gift list in with the invite (most people ask anyway) & it just seems mean to say that you wouldn't go because of that alone afterall nobody is forcing you to buy a present.

[Coobeastie]

Times haven't changed that much. I remember weddings in the eighties where a scrap book was used with items cut and pasted into it to select from.

From a guest perspective I'd prefer know that I'd got something that the person wanted rather than getting something that at best would be left in a cupboard.

[Jennykins]

Some really cool gifts we got when we married were, a night at a beautiful resort on the water, white water rafting, lots of money for bills and honey moon shopping from different people, a day at the spa for two, beautiful vases and sheets that would be to costly to buy your self for that kind of thing right, fine bottles of alcohol, gift cards for places out for dinner and more great stuff like that. We didnt ask anybody for anything.. when somebody asked us what we would like we would always say.. "just show up at the wedding" lol we want you.lol So then people gave us things that really fit our life styles.. It was fun stuff.

[gessoo]

Coobeaster, until very recent times wedding invitations were sent out and it was left to the guests to contact the bride, groom or the family and ask for a list. I consider this to be polite.

If a child gets an invite to a birthday party, would you expect a list of acceptable present to be attached.

I am sorry. I stick to my guns. I think it is rude and very materialistic.

[gessoo]

As I said in my answer too - I always find out what the couple would like as a gift. This is sensible.

[Coobeastie]

When I said gift list what I meant to say was a pointer to where our gift list could be viewed. Which in my mind is pretty similar to putting 'gift list available on request' in an invite.

What gets my wick is when you're invited to a wedding / reception and then are expected to pay for drinks.