How can I help my friend??

[PinkFizz]

She is not getting on well with her hubby at all,he won't let her go out,and has now started calling her a fat c*nt!!!
He won't lift a finger to help with their 4 kids and even rang her when she was at Tesco's lastnight to say one of HER kids was playing up and to get home! She is terrified of being left with no money,and thinks her kids will hate her if she leaves him.She has asked him to go for just a few days to give them some space to think and he has refused,saying its his house.

What can I do to help her??

[cosyrosy]

help her change the locks next time he's down the pub!

[PinkFizz]

Don't think that would help! Tempting as it is!

[ELVIS68]

Nice bloke, tell her to move out

[PinkFizz]

She is in an impossible position.They have a fantastic house which he pays for,and she does all his bookwork but with no salary so has no money of her own.

[Lore]

I know you said she's scared of having no money and that the kids will hate her but she needs to realise that kids aren't stupid, they can see what's going on and money really isn't everything when you're living in that situation.

She needs to be strong and do something about it before she loses herself in this mans reality.

[Champagne]

What an awful situation.

I take it she would leave him if she could have financial security then? What do you think the chances are that he could be having an affair? As they obviously don't have an intimate relationship together now. Maybe she could find a reason to divorce him where he's to blame?

[PinkFizz]

I have told her I am going to go and talk to her in the morning to see if I can help,but the trouble is that she has been with him for 12 years and it has got bad so slowly that she can't really see just how bad it is.I went through something similar and It was the worst thing ever,and I desperately dont want to see her how I was.

[PinkFizz]

Daft thing is she is a leggy blonde and attractive - she could have anybody!! A[art from the fact that the kids are total sh**s but that is probably because they are mimicking the dad's behaviour.Even her 10 yr old daughter calls her mum a c*nt!!

[Mr Tall]

Are her parents still about?.

[PinkFizz]

She has no family to speak of,no friends apart from the mothers up the school who casually say hello.I can see trouble from him when he realises im trying to help.

[PinkFizz]

Hi Champers.Well she just told me today that he goes out 3 nights a week but she doesn't have a clue where!!Not that he would tell her anyway.

[PinkFizz]

Hi WM - yes you're right.I was in a similar situation years ago,and one of my son's astounded me the other week by remembering something my ex had done to me when mt son couldn't have been more than 3 years old!! He hadn't forgot a single detail - horrified me.

[ELVIS68]

How can she allow her 10 yr old to call her that, or him for that matter, she`s going to have do do something about it herself, not with your help

[Mr Tall]

Start divorce procedings and take him to the cleaners its too far gone to be saved.

[Kay]

Pinkfizz, Try to get her to listen to you. She knows you've also "Been there" so hopefully she'll take notice. No one needs that kind of abuse from their partner,maybe he's jealous over her being so attractive that he's calling her names to put her down. She mus'nt let him succeed and she should be firmer with her daughter too. Is there anyone she can phone or go to such as the CAB? They may be pass her on to somebody who can help further.

[lia*]

pink, your friend has to want to help herself also. i understand her situation, but she has to get brave and make the first step. so what if her kids hate her now, they will understand in the end she did it to help them all. are the kids his? can she file charges for spousal abouse?

[PinkFizz]

I think that its been like a dripping tap - slowly getting worse.She tells him to disciple the kids with her but he just laughs,and says he's not gona be the bad guy,they just laugh in her face and now she's so ashamed at how bad it has got I don't think she has any strength to fight

[PinkFizz]

They are all his children yes.I think if she went to a solicitor she would possible get a free first half hour wouldnt she??

[Lore]

It sounds awful but when you're in that situation you have to hit rock bottom before the reality of how bad it really is sinks in.
Just be there for her PF, help her out when she needs you and remind her of how relationships between partners and children /parents should be.

I've been there too!