How do you react to this?

[10ClarionSt]

A close friend has told me she has cancer. It's not the first time. She had it a few years ago, was treated for it and seemed to have recovered.

Now it has re-appeared in a different part of her body. She is only 42 and such a lovely girl. You couldn't wish to meet a nicer person.

I just didn't know what to say. I must have looked terribly shocked because, typical of her, she said "It's o.k".
WHAT! She said THAT to ME, and SHE'S the one with the condition?!

What do you say in this situation?

[tradey]

hi there 10clarionst firsty can i say how sorry i am to hear your news about your friend,she must have found it really hard to tell you,poor thing i feel for her,to have had it once then for it to come back again,i know how your feeling my dad was the same got it at 45,but were not talking about that,all i can say is be there for her as much as you can ,show her she means alot to you,she will need you when she goes for treatment a shoulder to cry on,keep your chin up and she will be fine,ive got my fingers crossed for her,you never know things may be ok,you take care as well xx

[kazza12345]

it's really hard isn't it? My policy has always been to try and be normal with the person. A lot of people say that they feel isolated in this situation because their friends avoid them because they dont know what to say, and dont want to upset them. You should either take your lead from her, or ask her what she wants ... ie does she want to talk about it? does she want you to ignore it? Does she want you to carry on as normal etc

[bobtheturkey]

the worst thing you can do is treat her differently she wants you to be the way you always are around her and dont be afraid to talk to her about it, just be yourself that's why you are her friend in the first place

[kezza1973]

hello chuck. Sorry to hear your news. Nothing you say will sound right at the moment, but only to yourself, all you need to do is be there for your friend. She will not be analysing what you say, but will know you are there to listen to her.

[lainiej]

Hi 10ClarionSt. I'm so sorry to hear your news. This has happened to me twice and both times I handled it differently. The first time, my friend Ann was diagnosed with gullet cancer and I couldnt handle it. Luckily I was close to her sister who kept me posted and I used to send her cards and little presents so she knew I was thinking of her. The second occasion, my friend Janice had breast cancer and I went the other way - offering her all sorts of support, transport, help with her kids etc. I felt more traumastised than she seemed to be - ' sh*t happens' she told me. Unfortunately, both my friends lost their battles.
I dont think Its possible to advise someone how to behave/what to say in their own circumstances. Its is very very difficult and a horrible situation to be it but its strikiing a balance - trying to know when to be there and when to butt out. I wish your friend all the very best and hope that you stay strong but are able to emapthise with her. Good luck. Love Elaine x

[lainiej]

P.S. Both my friends were 41 x

[netibiza]

Can only agree with all the above. I wish your friend all good wishes - it's not always fatal. You are a very nice friend to have.