Cheating

[TopCat1]

How would you feel or deal with it, if your in a happy marriage with a child you both dote on, been together 10 years, married 3 (living together 8 1/2 yrs), and you find out your hubby/wife cheated on you, with a one night stand in the first 6 months of your relationship (almost 10 years ago).

You know he would NEVER do that now, and the first 6 months you were only getting to know eachother, only meeting up at weekends, although you fell in love straight away, it took him/her about 7 months to realise it. That him/her is a really good husband/wife, father/mother, person.

[China Doll]

I think I would feel really awful to be honest with you but I would have to try and seperate myself from it a bit because as you say it was 10 years ago and nothing like that could happen now and it was a one night stand as opposed to actually seeing someone regularly.

I think I'd sit down and have a chat and just say that even tho it was 10 years ago it still hurts and ask for some extra reassurance but ultamately what you have now is not worth damaging for something that happened so long ago... sorry if that last sentence is a presumption on my part.

[Drusilla1S]

Try and accept it for the mistake it was at the beginning of a relationship and relish the strong bond you have obviously developed since then. Try to remember that all the wonderful memories you have grown to treasure since that moment were unknown entities at the time. We all make mistakes, so I would suggest you forgive this one, put it behind you and enjoy what you have. It sounds very special.

[raysparx]

Hi TopCat,,

Why worry about it now ? it was 10 years ago,if it has never happened again,move on from it, remember

" there is no future in the past " take care, Ray

[noxlumos]

I would imagine that something like that is fairly normal behaviour for a lot of people very early on in a relatoinship. I loved my wife for a long time before I really realised it and I had sex with other partners during that time. That doens't mean I don't love her, she isn't speical and wonderful,. just that you can't at any point see into the future.
What happened then is not relevant to you now, in fact it's a compliment to you that he chose you when he clearly had other options. Enjoy your life this is no big deal, don't throw something wonderful away for the sake something that ahppened ten years ago and as you say would never happen now.

[Hellion]

All good advice here, in these circumstances I would put it behind you, cheating is all about lack of commitment, in this case he subsequently committed to you big time so feel secure in that knowledge. I

[atolhurst]

I think you have to decide how it makes you feel. It's all well and good everyone saying 'dont worry about it' but if it does bother you, it won't just magically stop bothering oyu because someone says it should.

So have a think about it; is it a dealbreaker??

He did cheat on you. And that's not very nice. But the relationship is on a very different level now and as you said, you don't think he'd do it now. Whilst that doesn't make it okay that he did, it does mean you have an awful lot more to lose (as well as having a child who anything like that would also affect).

So decide how strongly you feel about it. if you need to try and understand his motivations at the time, then ask him.

I think if I were in your shoes, I'd take it quite hard but in my heart of hearts, know that we'd move on from that.

[888sally888]

He;s with you and you love eachother. If it was long term and recent off with the goolies but that long ago try and forgive.

You will never forget but can move on - good luck.

[sweetdor]

well to cut a long story short ,how ever long it took and when i founf out who the ******* was i would with no uncertain terms smack there skumball head in